Sloan's 365 Days to Devotion

Post 151: Negative Visualization as a Path to Gratitude

2011-11-21T08:03:00.001-08:00

I feel the falling away of the old parts of myself as winter winks his eye reminding me that the shedding, the restorative hibernation and then the rebirth of spring, that all of us sunshine lovers cling to, are all natural cycles of the spirit as well as in nature.

I have had several experiences recently that have reminded me of just how wonderful my life really is and that right here in this moment is all I have. It is easy to feel the feelings of a past nearly forgotten and the dreams of a future that may never come. The mental rapture of daily life teaches us to stay outside in the happenings rather than starting from within and playing a part in the creation of the outside occurrences.

A huge part of that for me and my lesson consistently is learning to operate from a place of gratitude. Over the last several months I have been toying with creating and purposely not being conscious of my creating, playing scientist by testing my own power. Have you ever done this? I don't really recommend it (although most live this way all the time) unless you are open and willing to accept all that it brings. Because we are so powerful it becomes very apparent that there are no coincidences and that I am all of this and all of this is me. The whole exists as a microcosm within me. How I view it is how I will experience it and how I experience (thinking, reaction and feeling) creates future events.

I had a car accident in October totalling my car and leaving me with a euphoric sense of deep gratitude having walked away from it with minor injuries when so many other things could have happened. I began to ask "How can I stay in this feeling of gratitude?" And as always the a possible answer or exactly what I needed in that moment showed up. A book on the top of a tall stack of books at a friends house where we were watering plants while they are out of town called called A Guide to The Good Life by William Irvine - popped out to me.

It is based on Stoic Philosophy, a philosophy which apparently has been misinterpreted for nearly as long as it has been around. Students, intellectuals, lovers of philosophy have understood that the goal of a the Stoics was to suppress all emotion and therefore live a very dulled existence. As the author explains in great detail this is not their philosophy in the least. Basically the Stoics were individuals who valued joy and they found that by learning to desire what one already has and by following the Stoic principles one can experience "a cheerful disposition and secure joy which will automatically follow."

One of the principles called Negative Visualization took me by surprise even though I do it naturally once in a while. Negative visualization is thinking about not having the things you have and how that would be. Or thinking about a all of the possibilities of situation - the good, the bad and the ugly. Hmmmmmm... I know that by thinking about not having certain people in my life I can appreciate them more so, I could see what the Stoics were going for. They also believed that all things are perishable, which kept them from getting to attached or placing to much value on things or situations.

As someone who has spent the majority of life studying self development and spiritual/consciousness expansion this was something completely opposite from what I had thought were true and correct. I love it when this happens - this is where the real growth takes place because I had to then question my beliefs and question the Stoics regarding how this creates reality energetically.Some deeper understanding and consideration needed to occur so I began to practice this principle and found it to be very helpful. It really seems to keep me focused on gratitude in the moment and allow the moment to just be what it is.

So to coincide with what I have discovered to be true regarding creating our reality I made some parameters around it to keep myself from creating the worst case scenario I was thinking about in my head because as you well know I believe that our thoughts are so very powerful. When I begin thinking of not having this person in my life (as an example) to increase my gratitude towards them, I detach myself from any details or emotion behind it. I just simply think what would my life be like without this person or thing or situation and that begins the deeper sense of appreciation. I do not allow my mind to go into details nor allow it to be planted by putting any energy/emotion behind it. Like in a meditation the thought is a passing cloud I am observing.

In my studies I have only been taught to keep my thoughts positive and in a certain light, which is very difficult and not always possible. Well, this seemed to fit with the natural way the mind works and the Stoics found a way to use the natural negative tendencies of the mind to work for the most positive outcome.

The recognition of what it means to value joy has been the greatest discovery.

JOY: 1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation. 2. a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated. 3. the expression or display of glad feeling. 4. a state of happiness or felicity.

To value joy to me means to find it in everything - to use whatever helps to create that sense of joy so strongly inside that it becomes the vibration filling the inner world and naturally creating the outer follows suit. If nothing else this little helper from the Stoics is a state changer - getting my mind focused on what is truly important.

I surround you in the state of valuing joy and seeing all that you have in your life with a deeper sense of gratitude.NAMASTEXOXO

Day 150: On Track - Off Track - On Track - Off Track

2011-05-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

Chuga chuga choo choo!

Life has been moving very quickly and in all the right ways, well almost...! My art businesses are taking off, while my love and family life are continually strengthening and then there is me: the common denominator...

I have recently been caught up in pushing my art business to a new level as well as my love relationship and completely let go of my time in the process. Creating balance is a continual shifting of energy and remaining focused. Uggggg!

I recognize that my inner work is key to drawing in my business (and personal) success and building relationships. It is so obvious: A recent example..I had a verbal agreement to paint at a huge party and was about to receive a contract and deposit, when I had doubt (FEAR) rise up. At that time I was concerned about getting $ in the bank and not paying attention to my thinking or to knowing - I was disconnected, which set into motion the result of not getting the contract/event!!

Of course I have gotten back on track with giving myself time to focus on my spiritual practice and with that comes great relief because I feel connected again. Ahhhhh!

It is constant: the getting on and off track. Catching our train of thinking from going in one direction or another. Getting caught up in the momentum of life. One instant - one thought is all it takes to shift the energy back in a good or not so good direction. This is the nature of the Universe - in constant motion - moving forward with this truth helps us to roll just with it. The journey then becomes not thinking I need to remain focused, but noticing when my thoughts are not serving my higher purpose.

When I am in it, it is difficult to pull back and correct as it feels like I am on a ride that I can't get off of. The momentum of creating is wonderful, but backfires when it begins to come from the self or ego. It is true that I must create the idea and the action behind it to set it into motion, but the main ingredient of knowing releases it to the force-God-Universe to place it on my path and when ego thinks it's in control all life force is squeezed out! And momentum alone cannot sustain movement to a higher level or the level of the dream in my heart.

Sadly, it is easy to shift into this way of being without even realizing it is happening - especially in our society. Where I can improve is my stepping back and checking myself to make sure I am being what I want to draw in. When I am not connected what am I really creating or allowing to be drawn to me? Questioning statements of the ego helps us to see how crazy it can be to allow it to lead our thinking.

It can be frustrating to feel like I am getting to some sort of deep understanding - in a groove and then suddenly find myself moving enthusiastically in the opposite direction! The real kicker is that while it is happening it is difficult to catch especially when there is no time set aside for introspection.

I feel this is why so many people suffer from depression. I can see how one could go down the spiral fast. Also, there is a mental attitude in many on a spiritual quest that once they get "it" or some understandings under their belt that "it" stays solid. HA! No, everything is in flux, everything in the universe is in motion.

A person prone to getting down on themselves for falling off track, only furthers the issue, and can set one on that downward spiral - maybe never to return. Anyone who relates to this must work on attaining the belief that we cannot afford to find fault or to hate or to even hold anything against any living soul and that includes our own! Also, the belief that we are all ONE and that there is no such thing in the Universe as separation. Gratitude is my go to because it automatically puts me back into my heart = back on track. What is your way to get yourself back on track?

It is soooo easy to get off track! Our energy fields are so sensitive and we are inundated with all sorts of different life stuff not to mention our world stuff. The way we choose to deal with it is where the distinction is drawn. We can simply react, which is really coming from a place of separateness/fear like we are not connected to those things that are happening. OR we can teach ourselves how to step back and move into that place of Oneness/love and go from there.

THE BIGGEST PART IS TO BE HONEST ENOUGH WITH MYSELF TO NOTICE WHEN IT'S HAPPENING. It is so true that saying, "can't see the forest for the trees". When I'm in it it's hard to process compared to when I am on the other side. It is as if I forgot everything I know when I am in a poor mental state. It usually catches me off guard when my body hurts or I am sick. And here I ask myself which came first the cart or the horse;)? I have to be really strong/honest with myself and do the work to change it and fast!

In order to move in another or new direction when in a negative/overwhelmed/fearful, the state must be changed, which is rooted by some belief inside. My recognition was quick, but I felt like I couldn't get out of it. I even voiced that statement, which kept me there longer. Until, I stopped. I just physically stopped (with a cold to help me stop:) and got my mental state connected back to my heart through gratitude meditation and letting go.

Moving with heart centered awareness is the best healer and turns the direction of life back around instantly even if it's manifestation physically takes a little longer.

Also important to note: I was voicing my gratitude to the universe for this example to help me grow and grateful that it had passed (even before it really had). Seeing done what I desire is a part of the knowing that what I ask from my heart is already in motion and mine. Ask and you shall receive - should read Ask and know that you have already received!

It is a journey and an exciting one!! I just know that it can be difficult because we allow it to be. By getting caught up in the motion of things or the E motion of things disconnected from the heart center where all good comes from, we can have a totally different experience.

I surround you in the gratitude for all your potential realized!!!

No room for doubt... staying connected to our source - LOVE - is our life line and the only absolute.

NAMASTE
XOXOsloan

Day 149: The Difference Between Wanting and Knowing

2011-03-17T05:03:00.000-07:00

Windows are down and the spirit is up...dare I say spring has arrived?! Is the end of winter funk over? I have to say that I am definitely a different person when the sunshine is turned up. The funk was super funky but also productive in the manifestation department.

I have discovered within what makes the difference in manifesting the things I desire to show up. It is the difference between wanting (wishing) and knowing (trusting). The universe responds to the deeper of the two which is the knowing in our hearts. And if that knowing is attached to the thing we want, it will come.

How do we get from desire to a knowing in our hearts?

It all begins with our beliefs. Our thoughts and how we believe created by the knowing inside which is the energy behind the thing. I was just reflecting the other day on how far I have come with shifting old patterns and beliefs. Revisiting the way I used to think in contrast to how I think now. And the major difference is obvious in what is showing up in my life and shaping my world. It is the knowing that I am ONE - I am an expression of this greater force which is always at work within me.

"Learning to use the mind is learning to live." ~Ernest Holmes

First, there is the internal desire, thought. Second, there is the expression of thought into our words and actions. It finally becomes a knowing through our belief that it is already there for us. Knowing is deeply seated in the heart. A knowing can be created where nothing existed before. A knowing is the driving force behind desire and begins inside love, which is the strongest natural law in the universe. The only thing that can cancel out knowing is disbelief or wavering thoughts.

I recognized that my knowing is a definite feeling inside. It is a trust in God/Spirit/Universe that I am taken care of, that I am also the same power and have the ability to have all that I truly desire as long as it is in line with that love inside.

People who are afraid do not believe that they are taken care of that they are a part of that force behind all of creation. They don't believe that they create what happens. They are always the victim to the happenings in their world. Does this describe you or people you know?

When I was younger my knowing was a weakness because it was over powered by not trusting what to believe therefore, I was constantly contradicting the knowing I felt with fear, negative thinking or disbelief.

How do I work at strengthening the knowing part of my self?

I don't know when exactly it happened, because I know it is happening all the time, but there is a turning point where the knowing becomes bigger than the unknown and I suddenly trusted without having to convince myself.

Affirmations can be of great help to instill belief but in order for them to really work we must open to the possibility of truth within the statement and make it our own. Use affirmations like the one below to break down fear and build trust - to affirm what is already really the truth within which has been neglected for so long.

***I am completely supported by life. I let go of my fear and trust in the all knowing intelligence that I am a part of to guide me to recognize my true power. I am powerful beyond measure. I move forward in love. I am safe. I do not strain, will or coerce...I KNOW!*** ---Create your own affirmations or change them to fit you and use them to retrain your mind to trust!

It is the same with learning anything. You have to practice the scales and the tune before you can play/know it by heart. And WHAM! suddenly you don't even think about it - you're just playing the song as if it was always there inside. Trusting in the invisible energy behind all things is the same. Jumping off into trust is only scary the first few times before it becomes second nature.

As I was reflecting I remembered feeling as if knowing was so far away, but really it wasn't. This is where training our minds through repetition and affirmation (which at first feels like we are convincing ourselves of an untruth) come into play. Affirmations won't work unless the knowing inside is established as a result of the repetition. Old beliefs must be suspended long enough for a new belief to be created in it's place. We have to decide that something better is in there waiting to be discovered - this is how I trick my mind from shutting out new thought, suspending disbelief. I leave room for possibility that there is a belief that better serves me with the more I learn and expand in my mind.

Suspending disbelief is like putting a tiny hole in a balloon, soon it will be out of air and no longer able to rise to the forefront of our minds. Suspending belief gives our consciousness permission to explore and expand - all of a sudden there is room where there wasn't before. Beliefs block out space in our consciousness creating limitations or windows for expansion.

The feeling inside, that longing to connect to the deeper meaning of life is the knowing that I am talking about. It is a natural desire to connect with this innate part of ourselves and others. It is elusive because we are not taught enough about it, which is why we go against it and have not established that trust. It must be built. And we must remind each other all the time.

It's the difference between knowing and wishing. If a wish is backed up with the knowing that the wish is absolutely, without a doubt, possible to obtain then it will appear! But wishing is kind of like hoping there is doubt because if we really trusted our hearts (the connection to the infinite) we would never have the urge to wish or hope...we would just know in our hearts that it is already ours and on it's way!

I also strengthen the knowing inside by going with my instincts/gut (this is a common way to describe the knowing inside) no matter what. When I don't I am always sorry I didn't. The more we begin to trust the all knowing part of ourselves, the more it will reveal to us. Living from this center of love - imagine how your world will begin to shape itself through the manifestations closest to your heart! We are unstoppable moving from this place of knowing.

We all have God/Spirit/Universe running through us at whatever capacity we allow it to come through - it is still there nonetheless. So, the more we begin to trust ourselves through our intuition the bigger our capacity becomes to create the opening for all of our dreams to come true. The more we let go in that trust the more supported be become. And through our recognition of being supported from the highest force imaginable we become equally as powerful in our own ways.

Trust in that little voice in your heart, follow it no matter what and be led back to your highest and greatest potential ever!

I surround you in the knowingness of your true hearts desire to fulfill your purpose and to really let go of any doubt that you are anything less than the most power force in the universe!!!

XOXO

Day 148: Who Am I If I Am Everything?

2011-02-02T08:54:00.000-08:00

Well, I got my little slice of sunshine before the rain came and today again pushing the wind aside to warm my spirit. Ask and you shall receive, and be sure you want what you ask for:)

I heard a song lyric yesterday... "Who am I, if I am everything?"

There are so many things that come into our worlds taking our attention and kicking us off of our focused path... and then there is something little, like a lyric that instantly snaps you back on track. Such is life...because it is a journey, where we get to keep rediscovering the truth behind the veil in special ways everyday. This is what makes it so special. This is what makes our journey's so unique.

"Who am I, if I am everything?" I love this question because it makes me look at the world as if it is all inside of me. It, in all of it's beauty and ugliness is a microcosm of what is happening on the inside of me. I am that multidimensional to encompass everything. I have it all within me.

The self acceptance that it takes to get to a place of true peace where this question then becomes a statement or a mantra, comes from real love and understanding.

When I was a kid people would tell me that everything would change once I could really love myself. This really irked me because no one could explain to me HOW to really love myself. What in the heck does that mean anyways!!?? So, I read everything I could get my hands on that might be able to explain. I did the exercises. I dealt with my past. But still I didn't get it. The voices in my head were still berating and trying to tear me down. It wasn't until I learned how to energetically open my heart and forgive myself that I began to feel that love and acceptance.

It was a true revelation. I think what most don't get is that just because you have an aha moment doesn't mean it will stay like that forever. Just like exercising a muscle in order to build strength we must continue to have those aha moments to build upon one another, which is the journey. I am constantly forgiving myself and learning about the everything that is me and owning up to it so that I can go deeper in my own love and compassion. It is easy for me to be that way with others, but less sincere if I don't first have a foundation built inside my own heart.

This question also purposes Oneness, which I have been talking about vs the separation that we are reared with in the general consciousness of society. Raising the level of consciousness is saying to ourselves what if everything was inside of me? what if i am everything? What if there is no such thing as separation? What if I am connected to everyone and everything on an energetic level? What would my life look like if I operated from such a place? This line of questioning is so important because it leads us to try it on, which then leads us to raising our level of consciousness from what seems to be into the realm of what is possible.

Who am I if I am everything... begins to break down the walls of the ego if you can really take yourself there. I see the violence, the peace, the resilience, the grace, the ridiculous, the magic, the unbelievable, the ugliness, the beauty, the universe and the ant all inside of me. I believe through my own experience that it is those things I try to ignore within me that grow bigger and badder;) Through acceptance their power to grow diminishes and I come into a more peaceful place, which allows me to expand into the possibility of all that I really am.

There is no trying, there is simply doing or not doing - believing or not believing. What would my life look like if I choose more than not to look through the lens of possibility? I challenge us all to keep these questions forward in our thought to keep us moving to the next level within our own unlimited realm of possibility - raising world consciousness - because we are everything. We are One.

I surround you in the self acceptance it takes to wrap your being around the thought that you are everything and that everything is at your disposal to be ONE.

XOXO

Day 147: From Suffering to FREEDOM

2011-01-26T07:47:00.000-08:00

Today comes stacked high on the pile of grey days as if they all ran into each other and the aftermath is a beautiful blanket of snow. All I need is a little crack in the sky to let the sun through. Like a dandelion growing through a sidewalk, I tredge forward knowing it will give and I will have that sense of relief only spring can bring. And then I get excited thinking about it.

Yesterday, I went into the bank and asked the teller for sunshine. She then remarked that she just loves these gray days! And that is what snapped me back inside to make some shifts in my thinking. In her world it is a lovely day and in mine it is blah...hmmmm What do I really want?

Sometimes I feel like that dandelion in this world. Wanting so much to shine through the darkness (my own created darkness). So much suffering in this world that is self perpetuated by my buy in and focus upon it. At times it is difficult to keep pushing forward in love, when I allow my mind to become lazy.

The thing that intrigues me most about Buddha is the basis of all his teachings were about our attachment to suffering. And the first thing that comes forward in thought is I don't want suffering - so, I am not attached;) There in lies the true teaching because in the "not wanting" of suffering we are attached to it and creating more of it.

I'm not Buddhist, I'm not anything, but interested in learning all I can to form my own opinions based also on how I feel inside. And lately with the weather and the world the way they are (or seem to be) and this lingering cold, I have gotten a glimpse of what it truly means to be attached to my suffering. My awareness of it also makes it crystal clear to me in regards to the way those around me and the world of thinking are attached too.

"The only thing you need to know is that FREEDOM is the most precious gift we are born with on the inside and that it is the hardest to hold onto." line from old TV show Quantum Leap

This got me thinking...What is Freedom to me? And my answer is broad because there are so many freedoms I cherish and am grateful for, but the ones I have to guard most are the ones that are the most elusive... The freedoms of my spirit. The the signature of my soul working through this body, this society and these beliefs it is a miracle that it can even eek through!

It isn't easy to recognize these aside from other natural freedoms - except when they are taken or held back by ourselves or others. Then they build like a raging fire inside and they have to come forward. I think of Martin Luther King a lot in regards to Freedom of spirit. The fire inside of him came blazing forward and still ignites! But the fire inside doesn't need to necessarily show up to the extreme of his, most of my internal struggles with my own freedom come in the form of protecting what must come through me in a spiritual sense, like simply not allowing others beliefs/ideas/judgements to sway my pure action in regards to what I know must come through me.

In America we are born with so much more freedom than others across the world, yet we suffer just as much as anyone else. Why is this? Why is it okay with us to use our freedom to create suffering? We have all of this intelligence and consciousness that we do not fight for... We go along, buying in, until we forget that we have independent freedoms that are inside of our souls. At a certain point we even become numb to those.

In my experiment, meditation has helped me to reveal these other layers of my soul that vine me into a greater intelligence/consciousness than I could ever muster up with the 10% brain power that 'they' say I am utilizing;)

I have come to understand that it is our attachment to suffering as a whole that has diminished our power to follow the freedoms that speak to us from within. I believe it is my focus on my cold, dreary weather, silly job that keep me from experiencing something so much greater! And since we are ONE I am keeping you from yours too in some way.

Freedom from Suffering = Shifting focus. Does the dandelion focus on how hard it will be to grow up between slabs of cement? No! it is just doing what is in it's nature to do...reach for the sun. It is a wake up call (once again in a new insight) to redirect my gaze on the sun - on the brightness of what it is all really about, what connects us all - making us ONE, what is in my heart and all else must remain in a fuzzy blur.

How do I shift my focus... ?
Well, the way I do it is through gratitude and by writing down what is really going on in my mind to make the feelings of blah show up all around me. Then I can redirect my attention/focus by getting back to what I REALLY want and what is truly important and to really go for it because I have the freedom to do so!!!

Ahhhhh that feels so much better! It is only through healing my own attachment to suffering that I can heal the suffering of the world. It is only through discovering and living from my internal freedom that I can fight for the freedom of others. Releasing ourselves from the bondage of suffering by discovering that we create more of whatever it is we place our focus on... and bam! the feeling of exaltation spreads to the corners of our minds and this earth making an opening where none existed before.

WOW, We are so much more POWERFUL than we can even imagine!!!

I surround you in the freedom from your suffering and the worlds suffering to hear loud and clear the inner wisdom that is speaking to you always ...of your true freedom.

XOXO BIG LOVE

Day 146: The BIGGEST Possibility of Me...

2011-01-19T09:42:00.000-08:00

Enjoying life, love and a new year! The new start has so much movement, transformation and new beginnings with the old escaping leaving more to be invited in. Gratitude for all that has brought me to this place within my own heart that makes everything happening now, possible. My heart is full like this sky wanting to snow.

What is the BIGGEST possibility of me?

Leaving space in my life for creativity to flow through me is not easy. I have to be my own distraction police. Living in this extreme existence with all the information, ideas and instantaneous impulses it is a lot of work not to jump at them all. Saying no to things is saying YES to me. Sounds like a a greeting card but it is so true.

Part of my new year is to incorporate saying YES to life and taking opportunities that present themselves. All I have to do is to define what sorts of things that help me to create the opportunities and all else I must say no to. I also have been creating a new statement for myself - a mantra of sorts to read and embody daily. This statement is formed to help me create those opportunities into being.

I highly recommend that you too create a 2011 statement for yourself. One that lifts you and brings forth your passion when you read it. It can be a poem that inspires you but it is better if you write it because the closer it is to your heart the more it will ignite your universal connection and pull it towards you.

My statement is a whole paragraph and it is adapted from some writings I have collected and made into my own. When I read it, I feel powerful, unstoppable, completely in my spirit!! It is awesome.

If I learned anything this past year it is how powerful of a creator I am especially when I am creating consciously. It does place way more responsibility on the quality of my thinking, feeling and actions. Growing my knowledge, compassion and love is where my focus shall remain always, everything else is second.

This is the question that helps me to clarify what to say no to: Is this growing me spiritually and drawing or pushing me further away from my ultimate possibility? If it is no then I say no. Sometimes though, I still say yes when it should be no;) It is important as well to be spontaneous and carefree.

I know that it is only through our limited knowledge/understanding/compassion that we perpetually create a limited experience. I have experimented over and over to the point that it is so obvious, I can see it coming as I am creating it in my thinking.

THINK BIG

I don't know about you, but I was not taught to think big. I was taught to thrive in the status quo, get a job, not to rock the boat, to be happy/thankful with what I have, and not to be selfish.

Thinking Big is a relatively new concept to me and having a Big Picture in mind for myself has been a key part of what I have been able to create for myself. Thinking BIG is being more of who you really are inside. Following those dreams that kindle in our hearts and pushing ourselves past our own taught limitations. If we were taught that walls could not contain us then could we walk through them?! Many physicists believe that science proves this to be true. What do you think is possible?

What are your limitations and how are they keeping you from all of your possibilities?

Visualization is one very important key component to all of creation. If you can see it you can be it - heard this one before?! My dad used to say, "If you say you can't then you can't." Same sort of idea. All we have to do in order to have something or to be who we really are completely is to be able to first visualize what that looks like. I find it best to start writing it out as my mind is quick to make all sorts of pictures and colorful images.

When I teach art the first think I ask my students to do after warming up is to visualize their drawing on the paper before they begin. It is amazing how this takes away that blank page hesitation/anxiety. The same is true in life. Give it a whirl - it is MAGICAL! And so are we!

THINK BIG & LOVE BIG

I surround you in your biggest idea of yourself, in your full creative spirit, being all that you don't even know that you are yet!!

xoxo

Day 145: A Message From Denny...

2011-01-04T06:54:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a conversation with a 70 year old gentleman who by no coincidence shares my grandfather's nickname "Denny". He had been many things in his lifetime including: a college basketball star, a coach, a father, a ladies man and investment banker. He had recently found a new passion in film. He is now promoting/shopping a few films for investment. It's not what he does that caught my attention it was with the passion he exuded when he so colorfully described scenes from one of the films.

It was his spirit lighting up that made me stand to attention and hang on every word even though it was late and I wanted to be home in bed. I listened and absorbed his energy. Then he said, "The way I see it, is that I am in the prime of my life now and I have a 5-10 year window to really do something great and to give back. So, it is now or never."

I thought to myself the Prime of his life...? Really? WOW! It was really the first time I had ever heard someone his age say that, which is absolutely extraordinary!! I wanna be saying that when I'm 70:) Sometimes I wonder where my passion is and why it goes dormant... and here he is running passion circles around me at twice my age. What an inspiration!!

He said there are 6 ways "they" have figured out how to dumb us down in society:
1. media/news
2. sports/ tv programing
3. religion
4. politics
5. sex
6. drugs/alcohol

He said that he allows himself to be dumbed down when it comes to football and basketball;)
He is so right on. How much of our lives are we allowing to be eaten up by our distractions? And what would happen if we cut back on these distractions? Would we uncover our passions?

When we ask all we have to do is listen internally for the answer that feels right to either bubble up from inside or suddenly out of no where comes to you through someone who says exactly what you needed to hear... like this message from Denny. In order to really listen we have to have silence inside. Otherwise we are just preparing for what is next rather than taking in the information to stir something up inside of us that wasn't there before.

The answer is YES! For me for sure...

Well, I believe a balance is very important. When I am not spending time on any of these, I am doing more of the things that connect me to my spirit. Like time in silence, reading, taking a walk, writing, painting, time with the people I love...which is what my quest last year (and forever) was all about... getting further away from the distractions.

As long as we are physically here, there will be distractions. There will be the things we get caught up in that take us so far away from who we feel we are, but if we lay our life in the hands of those distractions - one day we will wake up and say where did my life go?

So before that happens it is a good idea to ask: Where is my life right now. What am I passionate about? And how is what I am doing serving humanity?

When we lead a life with a handle on our distractions, we allow ourselves to be led by the greater purpose inside of us, which comes through in our life experiences. When I am in tune with myself I am able to make strong choices and get excited about what is coming. When I am living too much in the world of distractions, I get irritable, foggy and dull inside because I am unable to express what needs to come through me - that part of me that is bigger than all of this.

My grandfather passed nearly 5 years ago and throughout that time his messages for me come through in many ways. I believe Denny is my glimpse into my own future with golden wisdom to abide by now. Thank you PAPA!

(To any of you who have lost a significant family member who you looked up to for wisdom, advise and support of your spirit: look out there in the world for their messages - they are still there.)

And to all of you who claim to be old - it is never too late to discover or UNcover your passions and be age defying! BTW... our spirit is eternal therefore it never ages!

I surround you in the space between thoughts and distractions where it is calm and silent- this is the place of your pure spirit/creativity awaiting to come forth through your expression. What will you choose?

NAMASTE XOXO

Day 144: A Magical 2011!!

2011-01-03T06:45:00.001-08:00

The New Year is here relieving the build up of the Holidays and all of 2010 by bursting into the fresh start of 2011. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! It's the time to re-evaluate our lives, selves and relationships to look at what is working, keep doing that and let go of what is not. It is a time to dust off those dreams and figure out what has been holding us back. It is a time to look around, make changes and embrace the opportunities that abound.

I have spent the last year figuring all of this out for myself so as I head into 2011, I continue to tweak and refine myself in the goal of living the best life I can everyday and living my life like a prayer. I guess that for me just means that more than not I am moving from love in all that I do. It is not easy, but has become easier. And now that my focus has been there for some time, I catch myself quicker now when I am not moving from love.

I also have been playing with my own ability to create my world around me, because I have come to know on multiple levels, that the world around me is a mirror of the world inside of me. My choices, my thoughts, my inner connection, my beliefs... everything is constantly in question so as to make sure that I am not choosing out of complacency or remaining in the realm of general social consciousness.

"You are the most significant being in the world, because at the level of the soul you are the world." ~ Deepak Chopra

We are all microcosms of the Universe! So many miracles that we see in the world around us also happen within us. Like the way that our cells can communicate with one another and instantly respond is similar to the way a flock of birds move together/communicate in formation and know when and where to go internally. The Hawaiians used non verbal communication for centuries. Their history is latent with telepathic communication. Yogi's also communicate this way. We all can, we just don't use it to it's full capacity, because we are taught to think it is something bad when it is just something that is totally natural and in our nature to utilize. We are naturally magical!

Anyway, this past year has allowed me to see just how powerful and magical I really am. How I can bring anything into existence in my life through creating it first within me. I have had several things happen to help me to realize this at a very profound level and I will continue to really put it to work for me in a very conscious way this year through questioning and refining.

It is always so enlightening when I talk to someone who is having a rough time. Have you noticed it is always the circumstance that is causing their woes...? Really it is the other way around. The circumstance is just the result of many instances colliding within us (the way we think, believe, love, talk, act, participate in the world...) Change what isn't working and change the patterns that helped it come in...

I believe that my mantra for this year will be to question everything especially myself and make sure I am aligned with what I am inviting in or creating. We are constantly creating whether we realize it or not!

I BELIEVE IN MAGIC

The magic of life is our real life!!! And this is why I get up in the morning. I choose to live in the magic of life working not to get caught up in the ego's physical world and the attachments.

Do you believe in the magic of life? What is magical about your life? What do you want more of and is it aligned with your heart?? How can you love yourself more?

How can questioning help me get to the level of truth where the magic exists?
Glad you asked;) Questioning is vital to becoming who you are really on the inside of the masks that we have been conditioned to use to hide behind, because it helps peal them back so we can get underneath.

Do I like the person I am being? Do I know my own true hearts desire? Do I really want to make this choice...is this the choice that makes me who I want to become? How does this affect those around me as well as myself...and the world as a whole? The questions are endless and by asking them we get really good at listening and hearing the truth inside that will lead us to our own unique magic manifesting in the world around starting first within.

We are so fortunate to have the luxury of such inner discoveries. So many who are bogged down with mere survival do not have the luxury to go within unless they are raised with certain beliefs that create this avenue. Think about it. We live like Kings here in America and we take our freedoms, our power, our time for granted because we get caught up in the ego...judgement and the lie of scarcity.

In 2011 let us take ourselves on and grow the magic that lives within each of us and lets do our best to see it in every flower, landscape, animal, every person and most importantly within ourselves.

I surround you in the realization of your innate magical self that will lead you to living the life you have always dreamed of in your heart.

NAMASTE xoxo

Day 143: In Between

2010-12-21T07:33:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh Christmas has passed and a fresh start for the new year is in the air. And like a bird it leaves no tracks. There is just this feeling of pushing through to the other side. I, like most, have allowed myself to indulge quite a bit this season, chalking it up to the 'Holidays' knowing quite well that it is just my excuse to relax and has been well before the holidays began.

All is well and good in the land of balance if the balance is being kept;) I find that habits are so easily formed, as we are habitual by our nature. So, in my efforts to create this balance, I am reminded of the beginning of this blog and this year. How my body already knows how to leave behind the patterns and to embrace all that I really am.

I am filled up... full of love and treats..ready to take on this new year!! It is an exciting time because the reflection over the last year and my self experiment have given me so many gifts to gauge the balance of what I really want and how to create the clarity of mind to bring it forth.

I have a new understanding of my power and how I hide from it or embrace it. I know that I can create anything into being and so often I allow myself to get tied in a knot by the social swirling of an illusionary truth rather than what my heart/higher self/spirit knows is the real truth. And to live in this world, to participate, there is a certain level of this "buying in" that has to happen yet, here it is also vital to have a balance of consciousness where there is an overarching view of things (from that inner knowing place) where buying in isn't even an option.

I have experimented with slipping in and out of these two worlds long enough to see how they integrate and how they create separation within me. There is a constant exchange of the outer with the inner and visa versa. It is easy for me to adapt to both yet without keeping a balance it is more like only using one leg even though I have two.

“There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” ~Aldous Huxley

This next year I will continue to take on the internal leaps of consciousness. Taking on and off the cloak of Sloan as I go between worlds - the one that is creating and the one that becomes. I am excited for all of the new events that are on the horizon of my life and I will move forward even when I am fearful and I will not hide behind my habits for too long anyway;) I will rise up to the challenges that will come, from a place of love. All is beautiful and I am so grateful!

It has been an amazing year!!! Thank you all so very much for being a part of it with me. I hope you will continue with me as I enter this next stage on the journey.

I surround you in the balance that comes from walking this journey from your own heart. May it fill you up and shine through both worlds creating a broad spectrum of understanding and compassion within.

NAMASTE XOXO

Day 142: What, When, Where, Why, How.. IS My Inner Wisdom?

2010-12-10T11:10:00.000-08:00

Well, the days are nearing to one year since I began my little self experiment. What I have learned so far is that learning balance is the key to my over all happiness. Quiting everything I will do repeatedly in my lifetime because it brings me back to a neutral spot to realign with what is truly important to me. I figured out that one way for me to keep balanced is to focus on keeping habits from forming. I do like change and fast pace so this is a good way for me to keep my lifestyle in check. My biggest take away has been my meditation practice. It has, hands down, opened up a whole side of life that I would occasionally tap into, but now access daily. It is hard to describe the feeling of centered calm I feel from meditation...highly recommend it!

I came across this quote the other day by Confusius:

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest."

It made me think over this last year and the wisdom gained. I also believe that we must use all three and maybe in no particular order to come to wisdom. It is seldom that we can actually reflect without having experienced something. And imitation is a great way to come into the person you wish to be by developing empathy and deep compassion without having to experience. But we are in these bodies to experience, to create, to find and fulfill our greater purpose, which is unique to us.

There is one universal truth for all of man kind and that is this deep inner longing to connect with the age old question "why am I here" or ones supreme purpose in life. There is no mistake that we all since we were little have felt this tugging at us. We numb it out, buy into the physical world of doing rather than being and/or simply resign to the idea that there isn't a greater purpose because it's just easier that way.

What in your heart is longing to be expressed?

I wonder if everyone asked with the open heart to receive and the courage to go after whatever the answer might be, what would happen...? What would happen if we all were moving in the direction of our true hearts? How would that feel on a world or Oneness scale? How would our choices be different? How would it shift our view of our selves and all things?

I love learning different perspectives on life, love and happiness, which is why I read so much and love studying different philosophies. I believe that through this type of reflection and adapting such lessons to my own world that I have actually been able to apply those wisdoms for everyday use. Still there are those that I must experience and some over and over until it sinks in.

I don't buy into everything I read or learn. I listen inside to what feels like truth inside my heart and I take those with me. And sometimes those change too, depending on what new information comes in. Everyday we are being shaped by our experiences or what we come across in our daily lives. Holding ourselves to old beliefs can keep us from our true purpose. Our perspectives are constantly shifting and expanding based on how we interpret the interactions, lessons and wisdoms that we are exposed to. And our exposure depends on how open we are and how connected we are to the part inside that helps us filter out the crap and recognize the truth for us individually. Once we open our minds to this understanding we begin to get the messages in a bigger way. You don't notice all the red cars on the road until you own a red car.

In expression of truth, I see how most people are more concerned with how they will be perceived (ego) rather than how they really feel inside. Do you get caught up in what others will think? In writing what I believe and think, I had to push past the notion of what other people might think. Especially my family. Initially I watched what I wrote to make sure not to stir the pot or rock egos. Now that I am used to saying how I feel, I honestly don't care how others perceive what I do, believe or say because it really has nothing to do with them other than their choosing whether or not/how to react to it.

I learned a long time ago, that if you are acting from a place of love and taking responsibility for your own stuff then how others choose to react to you is their own stuff. If we are living our lives afraid to offend or hurt someone then we get no where within! Our purpose here is creating and expressing our uniqueness in this world! Embracing our uniqueness is so vital to our spiritual health and well being.

While it is important to respect and care for others, we cannot live by the beliefs of others. We must learn, seek and choose to follow our own unique inner guidance and find our own truths. I used to always be confused when people would use the expression "I need to find myself." Now I understand that it is not so much about finding ones self as it is allowing ones self to have that connection to the divine wisdom inside and learning how to tune the others out.

I am thrilled by the inner discoveries I have made this year. A lot had to fall away in order for me to be able to really allow my connection to become solid enough to guide me to my own inner wisdom. We all have this access!! We don't have to go anywhere or to any special teacher (everyone is our teacher)! And it's free!

This year the best gift we can give ourselves and the rest of the world is to strengthen our connection to the innate wisdom of the ages inside of us. Through being silent, through study, through being really honest with ourselves, acceptance through letting go of what the ego buys into and to allow ourselves to be led by what is really true inside our hearts.

I surround you in the wisdom that is uniquely your own singing to you from inside your heart and the courage to share it in your own unique way.

Namaste xoxo

Day 141: From the Balcony

2010-11-30T09:42:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up wanting more and feeling stuck. Feeling the need to move my life, but with no idea of how, where, or which direction. I had an overwhelming feeling of grief, for forgotten dreams, fill my heart.

Sometimes when things aren't going in the direction I envision, there is frustration that builds and begins to dominate my faith in the moment rather than being diffused by my big picture thinking.

This is where trust comes in. Not just wishful thinking but a knowing rooted in that core part which does not focus on the details, but on the knowing that it is all leading to the greater expression of my purpose here. It is a deep sense, a knowing that keeps me looking for the light within myself when it seems to be MIA!!!

With bills to pay, Christmas around the corner and no foreseeable jump in income it is easy for many to get let down by the details of life especially this time of year. Today, I wallowed a bit then I talked to myself about my choices and what the symbols of my life are telling me, when I happened upon this phrase by world negotiator William Ury "From the Balcony". It is his way of staying out of reaction mode in negotiations and getting all parties looking at the bigger picture.

When I am focusing on this day reacting to this moment minus the view from the balcony, I am in trouble! It takes knowing better and reconnecting with the trusting core (my spirit) to redirect that train of thinking from taking me on a road to nowhere...

What does the view look like from your balcony?

I was asking for guidance and direction to move beyond emotion into some solution, I ran across this beautiful phrase to remind me that all I have to do is ask. When I stepped into the metaphorical balcony, I was above the clouds shinning in the beaming light of my dreams, where I saw the ones that had fallen away hadn't really...they had just bloomed into new dreams out of necessity for the bigger picture.

How to live in the moment while keeping the perspective of the bigger picture...very very tricky!

I believe that the balance here can only be kept by learning to catch ourselves, having a connection to our source and growing the ability to see beyond. Had I not caught myself- it could have led to a downward spiral, which would happen often when I was younger and didn't know myself.

I seldom feel regret because of my trust in how every piece of life makes up the whole puzzle and that I am the one creating how they fit together. So, when I begin to have symptoms of regret it is time to take a breather and back out of the emotion to get a better more clear picture of what is really going on.

There is a conviction missing within, that I once had for my dreams. Is it gone? How do I get it back? Where did it go? And how long has it been missing?

You know how big I am about questioning myself...so these questions led me to some very interesting findings. Usually, when there is a block, there is a trauma that occured at some point in our lives (that is traceable and healable) creating a sort of damn holding back parts of ourselves from coming forward now. I know when mine happened. I got worn out and slacked on believing in my dreams. Having conviction is believing so much that you cannot be stopped!

The conviction must match the thoughts and words spoken about the dream. Everything must be congruent to have the ultimate power of realization/manifestation. And now I see where I have fallen short with my own. I have been pushing forward and rolling back. You know the feeling. UGGGGGG - talk about frustration! If we are solid in one area and weak in the other then we are negating all the energy we are putting forth in one fell swoop.

Which area of creating are you best at? How can you align your thinking, words and actions better with your bigger picture for the most powerful creation?

From the balcony this seems so clear. From here it is silent and I can just watch how things fit to perfect my creating forces to be more aligned rather than negating each other. It is a great meditation.

There will always be circumstances and issues happening in the moment taking us out of our big picture view, clouding our perspective on the bigger part of ourselves...our spirit/Godself. It is always a great reminder to stop pull back, assess, ask good questions, and take a look from the balcony to see how it is all truly perfect.

I surround you today in the power of your vision from the balcony. May your trust grow from the power of your alignment to your purpose here.

NAMASTE
xoxo

Day 140: Being Released With Love

2010-11-23T09:39:00.001-08:00

On Friday I was in a car accident. Everyone is okay and the damage could have been a lot worse. I hit a woman who was really pregnant. I just looked down for a second (to hit play on my itouch) and went off the road. When I went to correct it and get back on the road the back tire got caught in the dirt and when it hit the pavement again the whole car spun round into her oncoming car... It was really scary. The first accident I have ever been in and it was my fault! I am so grateful that she was okay and for all of the inherent lessons it provided for me.

Really the energy around me this last week from my ex was intense, negatively affecting me and draining me - throwing me completely out of wack. I know this had so much to do with my accident, and of course taking for granted that I can take my eyes off the road and be fine... Yesterday, I finally pleaded with him to release me and to only send me love, to be my friend and to be happy that I am happy. He really did in his heart and I felt it instantly all over and through me. AHHHHHHhhhhhh! I am so grateful!!!!!!!!

When we have negative feelings toward someone it effects their lives on multiple levels, not to mention our own. Is there someone who you are connected to that is clouding your energy? Or is there someone you have not released or have negative feelings for? To carry grievances only lowers our vibration therefore, lowering what can come into our lives because we are opperating from this level - creating all kinds of effects to wreck havok in our lives.

I played around a lot with this as a kid. I was intrigued by the magic of life, how I could think of something and then it would appear in my world somehow. I used it negatively too (innocently because I didn't fully believe it was real or that I could actually effect the outside world with a thought), against anyone who I felt wronged me deeply.

The last time I ever did this was when I lived in Hawaii, this man had slandered my name in a very small town, out of jealousy. It made my blood boil and I envisioned him breaking his left leg in a construction accident. Low and behold that is exactly what happened two weeks later. It may have been a coincidence, but since I don't believe in coincidence... I vowed that moment to only direct my thoughts in a loving and creative way in the world and began to study energy healing, using what I called 'mental magic' for good only.

The way we think of people, events and ourselves greatly influences the vibration of the entire world. Not to mention the actions we put behind them. All thought is creative and creating in this 'mental magic' or force or God whatever you want to call it is real and it is happening regardless if we believe it or not. We can either use it to create consciously or be the person stuff just happens to. Which one are you?

I guess, really I am both. I work at creating consciously and yet I get sucked into mass consciousness and shit happens to me, but I do take full responsibility for my energy, thoughts and actions. For a couple of days leading up to the accident I could feel that my energy was off and I consciously did not make choices to get myself back on track in fact I allowed it to compile and the worst part was that I felt it building. I was split.

We have all felt this way, but most don't know what to do to correct it and get realigned. Asking for forgiveness and truly being grateful are two of the most powerful energies we can tap into in the entire Universe. These both create love and release us from the entanglements that can send us into a tail spin of disaster.

Go back for a second and bring up a time that you really forgave someone in your heart. Remember the lightness and the love flooding through you? And how the release from this holding on made you feel free...? It is tremendous and effects every cell, tissue, thought, every person you come into contact with ... EVERYTHING is different.

We all have so much to be grateful for not because this is Thanks Giving week (my favorite holiday:) but always. We can pull from the power of our gratitude to lift our vibration out of turmoil, negativity or to get us back on track instantly!

So, let's lighten up our lives and the world with our forgiveness and gratitude!

Here is a gratitude meditation that I like to do: Sit comfortably and use relaxed breathing. Important to be sitting up straight so that the breath flows effortlessly - so I usually use a wall or a chair or a pillow under my sits bones to align my spine. As I close my eyes, I I give thanks for my sight, then my breath, anything and everything that naturally comes to mind even tension, aches or pains. As I am doing this I imagine my heart expanding with everything I am grateful for filling it up. I go through everything no matter how silly or profound. I end up with the entire universe inside my heart and this statement "I am not of this Universe I am this Universe." Try it - it's amazing! You will feel so empowered and light as a feather;)

“Gratitude is a vaccine, an antitoxin, and an antiseptic”~ John Henry Jowett

From Day 99 Forgiveness Meditation:
Here is a great meditation for forgiveness that I have used for many years - for myself and for others. You can sit or lay with your eyes closed and bring up any situation or experience where you feel shameful or bad for in your minds eye. Now in that situation see yourself fill with light, then see it spilling over and the entire scene is filled with this light of your love. Thank this situation for teaching you, forgive yourself (I forgive you Sloan for...) and then forgive all those involved or apologize to each person and fill them with your loving light. As you begin to come out of this situation first see it in bright light as it shrinks getting further and further away - until it looks like a lightening bug in the night. Then end with the feeling of love expanding from your heart as a light encompassing the entirety of the world and everything in it.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”~Lewis Smedes

I surround you this week in the letting go of held grievances that instantly free you lifting you to your higher self.

NAMASTEXOXOXO
I am so very grateful to all of you on this journey with me and beyond.

Day 139: A Bird's Eye View of Love

2010-11-17T09:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning I went to the park to walk the dogs as I normally do and was reminded of my childhood when I saw three crows in the baseball diamond. In Kentucky when the crows come, winter has really arrived. No matter how much it feels like fall when they show up, it is game on. When I was little I remember the giant black birds crowding the tree in front of my window and crowing their loud swalky crows.

I have been having some emotional stuff going on with my ex boyfriend recently, which has me questioning myself in several different ways. Relationships are so important to pay attention to because they mirror aspects of our inner world. As I pay close attention my need to step back increases.

To zero in on details equals disaster. The big picture only comes into focus from a distance. In art I teach my students to stand back from their painting/drawing and then look at it as well as your subject as a whole. Learning to see this way helps us from zeroing in on one part. A painting/drawing/sculpture just like our lives must be worked on as a whole. And each relationship is it's own picture, beautiful, colorful, full of lessons and growth.

It is easy to look over the whole of a relationship and zero in on certain things and make it about those things when actually it is so much bigger. It's not those certain things, it's all the things together that make or break it. Not to mention the BIGGEST picture which we can only see through retrospect. All of the feelings, intentions, things that are said that you can't take back, the struggles, the deep meaningful moments, the laughter, all the levels of love, the tears, the joy, the hardships, pain and relief are all tied together and cannot be boiled down to this or that.

My way of dealing with emotional issues is to step back and really see how I feel beneath my initial triggered response which is purely emotion. I don't like to fight it out or linger in the details. I want to look at the whole of my life and assess from that perspective.

We are all growing and changing in so many ways on so many different levels all the time. Sometimes that growth can take us away from what we once desired. All the while love remains. It simply changes. Our growth spiritually and emotionally messes with our ego mind which wants ownership.. doesn't want to loose.. attaches to the illusion of security that a relationship can provide.

I believe that every relationship I have ever had has brought me to exactly where I need to be and I trust what is going on inside of me to steer me towards my own destiny - NOT - towards someone elses. The questioning part has been really eye opening in that I see more of my true self coming forward, leaving behind the parts that I was trying to be for him. It just wasn't me.

It is only through retrospect that I can see what those things are and how they were draining my spirit. Stepping away, gaining perspective and being quiet inside are the keys to allowing the truth to rise up... the creme de la creme.

It is difficult to be in the position of breaking the heart of someone you love. I know what it feels like and I don't wish it upon anyone and hate being in this spot! I just hope that through this experience that our love can continue to develop us in new directions. Love doesn't stop it just shifts. And it can never be controlled or forced. It is bigger than the ego's desire to hold on and it must be free!!!

I am like a bird and just like the crows, I bring news that not everyone will like, but it is bigger than me, just like the migration of crows, it comes from the force within that connects us all.

Accepting and relinquishing control are some of the easiest things to write about and the hardest to truthfully apply. Acceptance stems from understanding and understanding through the bigger picture of love can only come when the emotions are put aside, the ego is laid to rest. Relinquishing control is giving up that initial response of "mine". I believe it is the age of 2 that we learned our separation and the "I", that is when most children begin to assert their individual power over things. Let's move beyond that learned response and get back to looking through Oneness glasses, which shows us the only truth and trust that it is leading us individually to our ONE greatness together.

Deep in our emotional pain we ask "Why?", but really why doesn't get us anywhere but deeper in the pain and details. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the pain of loss. But just think about how much easier it could be if we chose to see it differently... like from a birds eye view and trusting that there is something bigger in store - we just can't see it from this place in time. Everything is perfect and all roads lead to ONE.

love relieves all suffering of the mind

I surround you in the birds eye view of your world to see the people that are in your heart as blessings/gifts for the time they are there. To surrender to the notion that life is better because of them in any way shape or form. Unlocking the door and allowing love to be free.

Day 138: Walking the Halls of My Mind

2010-11-10T11:16:00.000-08:00

A string of memories forgotten and like dried leaves scattered upon the ground of my mind eventually, turn to dust. Living in the moment is a wonderful thing! Although, it doesn't help with memory recall. I have found that the more I live in the moment the more forgetful I become. I am just going with it and writing down what is needed. The rest can go.

Mind space is so important to me these days. Walking the halls of my mind is a past time that I have become very fond of and when there is mental clutter it's simply not fun. Clearing out the clutter of the mind is easier than we think. It happens naturally when we are living in the moment more than not. Because when we are living in the moment we are more apt to be open and moving from love. Functioning from this place, all else just seems to just fall away or become unimportant.

We all have our stories that play in the background which are propelled by our telling of them or reinforcement in other ways, but some stories should never be told again! This is why I do not watch the news. I have a very narrow opening for stories that are allowed to enter into my world. Some really bad ones get in before I can stop them, but to retell them is forbidden. I did retell a recent one only once before I decided that it's energy should never be released again.

I also, just yesterday, nearly allowed an old story to interrupt the opportunity to create a new more powerful story! YIKES!!! Catch yourself doing this! Do not allow for old experiences to jeopardise your ability to live bigger...NOW!

There are those people, you know the ones, who can't wait to tell you the craziest most negative story leaving you holding icky feelings and visuals. Remember that our subconscious mind does not know the difference between a story and reality. The way we react creates a whole domino effect of that negativity pulsating beneath our every moment of creating. We simply cannot allow them in and if we do, then finding a way to release them positively and never retelling is the only way to be free of the clutter.

But if you never retell, how do you release it? Good question - thought you'd never ask... releasing a negative story or a negative memory is actually really easy and fun to do. I have taught this exercise before in a different post but it works here too. First, bring it up in your mind to re-feel the feelings of it. Second, see yourself floating above the story as it becomes smaller and smaller, you can no longer hear any sounds of the story. Then see it becoming fuzzy as if on a tv set. Third, change the channel and replay a beautiful story in it's place that fills you with love or good happy feelings. Keep doing this every time it comes up. After about the 3rd time you will notice that you don't have the same triggers emotionally with that particular story line. The rewrite/channel change is important. Try it - it works! Also refer to the exercise in The Re-Do Factor post.

Retelling, restating...keeps that energy alive. I did a post not too long ago about repetition, how we learn and how we also get stuck in patterning through recycling stories. Recently, at a party someone was trying to tell me a bad animal story and a friend piped in, in my defense, and said "oh no, she doesn't want to hear that story." We train the people around us on how we want to be treated and when he did that, I thought YES! he gets me:) Feels so good to have your spirit supported by your family and friends.

What stories are you replaying that zap your energy or make you less than you can be? Who are the people in your life that keep retelling awful stories? Is it you? How are the stories in your mind helping or hindering your growth? Do you have free mind space? Do you enjoy quiet thinking time?

"The Secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly." ~ Buddha>

To live in the moment is not to let go of everything else, but it does require a detachment of sorts. The reason we do not live in the moment all the time is because we are either in the past or in the future. Certainly, I do believe that we have to look at our past to learn and to look ahead to create, but living in either place takes us out of all we really have, which is right this second. This moment you are reading these words: where is your mind? Is it thinking of a past or future moment or are you totally present?

The best teachers for living in the moment are children. If you've ever really been immersed in the world of a child, totally connected and present with them, then you will understand what I am talking about.

"Let go of what you know and everything will come."

Knowing too much can hinder us in acting on impulses or moving in the flow with life. Knowing too much makes us fearful and careful. How could limiting what enters your mind space help you become the best you? This means that sometimes you will need to stop someone mid story and say: "I am so sorry but I cannot allow that kind of story to enter into my mind." I am never afraid to hurt someones feelings when it comes to protecting my mind space - it is that important! Besides, maybe in me saying that it helps them to be conscious of what stories they are retelling.

Letting go in the moment is sorta like taking a nap because it releases the cognitive thinking processes and releases us from the focused need to retain information. There is a airy freeness to being in the moment that is the sweetest part of life...in my opinion. Einstein came up with the relativity theory while taking a nap because his mind was free!

While our experiences shape us, so do the stories we tell and relive by retelling. Our bodies respond as if it were happening all over again in that instant! Therefore doing the same damage on us over and over...if we allow.

"I always say to myself, what is the most important thing we can think about at this extraordinary moment." ~ Francoise de La Rochefauld

I promise not to share any bad stories or to retell any stories that do not serve and support me or you ever again. I know what I choose affects everything in this world because I am connected to everything. We are ONE.

I surround you in the beauty of choosing the stories you wish to shape the BEST you, you can be!!!

NAMASTExoxo

Day 137: Kiss The Ground Moments

2010-11-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

Close calls happen. We never know when our forever is upon us. Life is so precious, this moment is gone and we don't know how many more we may see. There is no time for worry or pain or suffering. There is only time to live from our truest place. To follow that heart felt desire to fulfill our purpose at every opportunity. To create opportunity where it does not exist - to pursue peace and internal happiness at all costs!

"As soon as man does not take his existence for granted, but beholds it as something unfathomably mysterious, thought begins." ~Albert Schweitzer

Ever had a close call that made you kiss the ground? I think everyone has, but as the memory wears off and you are still here...it is so easy to take life and each other for granted. What does it mean to take something or someone for granted? It means to underestimate the value of. I believe in order to really recognize the value of a place, a time, an event, a person that we must know and appreciate our own value!

Do you know your value? What do you value most about yourself? Where do you sell yourself short? How do you stand up for your value in the world? Do you believe you are special?

That is one thing that I distinctly consciously remember from my childhood: this deep belief (that I instinctively knew needed to always be protected) that I was special. This came with a mixed bag because although I believed it, there were many parts of my life where I questioned it - took it for granted. I did not value what was in my heart because I allowed the outside world to shake my only connection to the truest part of myself. Not anymore!!!

I had a lot of help learning my value on the multiple levels of myself. (Thank you!!!) Confidence has a little to do with it, but it is so much deeper. It is that cord that connects us to our real selves that when ignored creates a hole inside. You know the feeling..right?

How we value our own lives says a lot about how we value everything else. It is the barometer for how we will either value or take for granted. Appreciation also comes with a perspective or a scope of the fortune that lies all around us filling the moments that whiz right by. Having a grand scheme scope to look through life with is so very helpful to notice all of the little things that make up all of the big ones. There is a miracle in every moment...don't let them slip by!!!

A miracle is the magic of life. The synchronicity that is constantly guiding us to live in our truth. We are taught that a miracle is a huge AWESOME event that blows our doors off. Well, if we are looking through that scope we are missing everything! Miracles are sometimes so small, we take them for granted. Like for a woman to become pregnant for instance, is a huge miracle because there are so many factors that have to line up exact and perfectly for it to even happen. But because it happens naturally all the time, every second actually, we take it for granted. Now the woman who cannot get pregnant and wants to, does not take it for granted! Hmmmmmm.

"When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude." ~Gilbert K. Chesterton

If we can broaden our perspective and slow down enough to take notice of the preciousness in the moments and how cool it is to watch how things line up...magically then we are broadening our scope. Even the things we label as bad or terrible are actually a miracle in a way we can't yet see because our scope is only so wide.

How to widen the scope?? Of course it begins in that heart centered connection, the core to our everything that we have to align with to gain the perspective of miracles. Once you consciously choose/decide to let the miracles into your scope, you begin seeing them all over the place. Like how a lady bug traveled from Mexico in a bag of lettuce, to crawl upon my fork, to bring me the message I needed that day. Miracles like this are all over and are interpreted instantly in our hearts.

I notice that when I am meditating regularly (which I have not been the last couple of weeks) I can easily see things that pass others by. My meditation practice has this way of putting me in a place, when I am not actually in meditation, where the messages come almost in slow-mo as if they are being highlighting in the world around me. I gotta get back to meditating twice a day. I am just in a better constant state of consciousness in my day when I am consistent with it.

Well, I know there are always ways that we can appreciate more, open our hearts more to the messages all around and work at not taking it all for granted by living in our truth more than not. What are some of the ways you will incorporate broadening your scope?? Let's not wait for Kiss The Ground moments to appreciate the everyday miracles!!

I am so grateful that you are on this journey with me and that together we are changing the world through the expansion of our personal consciousness! YOU ROCK!

Sending you love and miracles in every moment...catch them if you can!

NAMASTEXOXO

Day 136: The RE-DO Factor

2010-11-03T06:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I felt a little off. You know, just not quite myself. Whenever this happens I just want it to hurry up and be over, but yesterday I decided to use it. To see where it would take me. I meditated twice and the first time I didn't stay in it long enough to connect. The second time, I saw many old parts of myself leaving. The really interesting part was that there was no emotion attached to them.

So often we grow and don't even notice it. All of a sudden we are just on a new level of ourselves and have no idea when or how it happened! When I am teaching art, I have my students keep all of their work in a folder so that they can look back through to gage their own progress. (Always only compare yourself and progress to yourself) I think this is very important to do in our emotional/spiritual/physical world as well. I keep a journal, but you don't have to keep a journal in order to gage your growth.

Everyday we are processing billions of bits of information, thoughts and emotions, which can easily lead to overwhelm or burn out. There is a technique I use to process my days that you might find useful too. Before I go to sleep I run a semi fast forward version of my day. I use semi fast forward because I don't want to linger or get caught up in any certain one moment or any emotional attachments. What I am looking for are my choices in the instances of my day and there are always a few that stick out.

I then ask some questions and commend myself on growth. If I lost my patience for instance, I will go back and ask myself "What was going on inside of me in that moment and how can I choose something more towards growth right now and the next time?" I also notice where I see that I have grown and give props to myself:)) So important to notice change and growth in this conscious evolution.

This practice has made me become more aware in the moments of my day and to meet personal development goals along the way. I do this with myself physically too. I have a certain level of activity that I aspire towards and I also take note of how my body is responding. My trick is to visualize my muscle fibers growing and developing into a long, lean and strong body even when I don't get the chance to do a work out. Remember our minds do not know the difference between what we call real and what we call make believe! So when we think of our body in whatever way - it automatically responds on a cellular level!! So cool!!!

“You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices.” ~Deepak Chopra
This means that we can take our day and with our thinking and visualization we can go back and RE-DO aspects of our day towards growth and our being will actually respond and grow in that way. Because of the energy behind it (intention: the creator) we can actually shift what we are bringing to us! This is why it is absolutely VITAL that we do not EVER beat ourselves up - no need - just change it in an instant!

This is not wishful thinking - this is true and real - based on real scientific findings in physics and the medical fields. Our bodies respond to our thoughts instantly on a cellular level! To me this means that I have so much power in shaping myself and others instantly with my thinking, intention, emotion, words and actions. It is incredible. A lot of mental retraining must occur though. I still work at it everyday. I have bought into illnesses that I keep alive because of my buy in. This is difficult to shift and may take the support of those around me to really turn it around.

So as we go through our daily routines that seldom seem to change, we can continually be developing based on how we respond and how we choose to RE-DO those moments of our day.

I surround you in the eternal sunshine of your ever creating mind:)

XOXONAMASTE

Day 135: What Would LOVE Do Now?

2010-11-02T07:50:00.000-07:00

Brrrrrrrr... winter is gaining speed on fall and I am actually looking forward to the snow! Here in Kentucky there are tons of cardinals (red birds) and when it snows you can really see them. Trees look like they have red blinking decorations as the cardinals go from branch to branch and tree to tree.

This last week has been a bit of a whirl wind, time eluded me and all of a sudden here I am a week later. Although, it doesn't feel like a week it really feels like a month or longer. My conception of time and events is not really based on what can be measured but more on how it feels inside to me.

When a quantum leap is made within, it can feel like I am a new person in a new world. Making giant leaps towards Oneness/Love/God within free us more from the ties of the illusion, we think to be real. As those ties begin to loosen a whole year can take place in a minute! I know you have felt this.

This is how this past week has felt to me. I really let go into the abyss of love and detached mentally from past and future - really being in the moment of now and it was almost like I took my brain out of my head. Coming back to thinking with my head was a rude awakening to the reality of the illusion. It is so interesting how on so many levels we must buy in to survive, but when we get the opportunity to detach from what we call reality, how quickly "buying in" isn't even an option.

It is a fine balance of being the observer and the observed. Being able to process the conformity of survival and the freedom within the true part of ourselves, which we keep for the most part in the background, to create a symbiotic relationship where we begin to be able to detach consciously to be in the moment when needed to be the observer and go along the societal pathways when needed. Meditation has helped me to tap into this handy trick that I can utilize in a moments notice, whenever I think of it.

“Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.” ~Barbara De Angelis

I fight the conformity within regularly and I do so by simply saying to myself "It doesn't really matter, nothing matters but LOVE." When I say LOVE I am meaning the ONEness/God part of our true selves held hostage by our physical need to conform, to be accepted. Conformity breeds fear and surrenders us to an empty cycle of doing and having rather than discovering the truth of our BEING!!!

When I simply say this phrase it takes me instantly out of my head and into my heart. When I am in my heart it is like being able to see the cardinals because of the snow, looking through love heads a wisdom at the core of everything. It can only be described as the Universal Intelligence - the Source - Divine Wisdom - One - God.

Love is so intensely powerful and the conscious thought to move from love will take you there in an instant. Try it! Especially useful in a situation where the ego is vying for control. Letting go in love brings fantastic nuances to light in an otherwise dark or struggling situation. Allowing ourselves to trust in this comes easily as we begin to practice and really witness the uncanny results. Remember, that in the big scheme of things in the REAL REALITY which is LOVE nothing else matters. And we only gain this perspective by practicing this and looking back through retrospect where the pathway seems so clear: this had to happen so this could come into being....

Looking through love gives us a heightened awareness and a reason for being. Because it is through our understanding of our own true selves (LOVE) that we come into really BEING in this world. Otherwise we are just going through the motions missing the depth of beauty that is constantly and readily available to us. It is attained simply by a quantum leap in consciousness called choosing love.

I recommend putting up a sign where you look at it daily maybe several times a day that says "What would LOVE do now?" I have talked about this statement in other posts and it is worthy of more mentions because it was this simple phrase that led me to bypassing time and living in the balance of my being.

(I made you a sign...Right click on the What Would Love Do Now? image and save it, print and hang up in your world:)

Choose love - what have you got to loose!

XOXO

Day 134: Taken By Storm

2010-10-25T06:57:00.000-07:00

Rushing in like this wild wind, with abandon, blowing the doors off of preexisting ideas into the realness that only love can bring. I stand on the side of my life as if to watch like a movie and I have been hitting the pause button often, to savor the moments, as I ponder the flowers inside the seeds that they are planting. WOW, it is big! Bigger than us. Love has a way of making things exponential to the magnitude of pure AWE and an unassuming BLISS so powerful that it can move mountains, mindsets and change the world.

Just a reminder to all of those mistrusting of the power of romantic love: An opening in the heart to the unconditional Oneness of love brings us even closer to the light of God within our hearts. The love of a partner can transcend us past all that has held us prior, into the vast abyss of the possibilities that exist within true love.

I didn't count on it happening so soon, but it has and it is wonderful. When we ask for anything we have to remember that it will come, we just never know when and when it does we must open to it. What shocks me most even more than this insanely deep connection, are the responses I am getting. Others don't like it when someone is in love. Interesting isn't it...

People are so fearful of love. Why? Because they have been hurt? Because they attribute love limited only to their current experience of it? Because they have never taken the time to know their true hearts? Because of their ego-love experience that it can't be all that it really is for you? Why do we have this need to put our fears onto others? "Be careful. You can't be in love so soon. Take it slow. You said that before." haha! It actually makes me laugh.

We are an accumulation of our reactions to our experiences and the impressions of them that stay with us. I have had great loves in my life because I have chosen great love within. One does not compare to another. One does not cancel out another. And they aren't less than because they didn't have a long time line. Love simply comes in the capacity of our own hearts expansion at that specific time and what is needed within us to fulfill our life's purpose.

Of all people, I believe I have a pretty good grasp on love. Since dedicating myself to living from love this past year(and for the most part -my whole life), I have understood that once connected to ones own love inside focused on growing that, the ability to draw in another who lives from love, knows his own heart and the great oneness - does manifest itself from that true heart centered desire.

Just as one can change a thought pattern or heal instantly - Love does happen instantly. It is that powerful! A loving thought you have for someone can instantly change their life forever. Love is quick and can be lasting if chosen to be. As soon as we choose love it is there. It is bigger than anything ever imaginable! Building upon the instant bond of love is something more courageous and different...Something that is chosen everyday and allowed to be free in it's growth.

Fear is love's antithisis and cancels it out. Fear destroys the ability to experience the full power of true love. Fear is in the ego mind where love will never exist or thrive.

If we are honest with ourselves and not just making something/someone into what we want, then we have the opportunity to experience real and true love. Where judgements are nonexistent; where time seems to cascade and stand still all at the same time; where the hurts of yesterday evaporate in it's beaming light; where anything is possible; where it is safe and you are held up because another has seen your spirit and has chosen to love and nurture it.

Sometimes we experience great love, but it isn't lasting. This is what gets me...people have a tendency to judge the depth of love by the time line associated! HAHA... I know you just had a couple pop into mind who have been together bound in a hell they call marriage and we think that is love. It is so weird.

I have experienced deep love with strangers in passing who instantly shifted my being forever. Love has no rules or measurements. It is not to be judged, it is to be ALLOWED to roll though us with abandon, savored and respected with tremendous gratitude. As all experiences of true heart centered love bring us closer to God within and have the ability to expand our consciousness exponentially...instantly!

LOVE BELIEVES IN LOVE & LOVE BEGETS LOVE

How can you fully have something you will not fully allow yourself to believe in? Goes against the laws of nature and creation!!!

Relationship happens so that we can unravel the silliness of the physical with a direct connection to the heart where our ability to truly connect with the power of Love/One/God/Spirit becomes super heightened. Everything is about relationships. Relationships with each other, our things in relationship to us, our relationship with God, our relationship to this planet, to this planetary system. All relationships we create are based on the one we have with our self. Taking a look at our relationships can teach us a lot about our relationship with our selves.

Do you love yourself? Do you believe in love? What are your relationships? What do they look like, feel like now? How could they be better? How do you unconditionally love yourself and others?

Too often relationships become about control, possession or other ego needs - where real love cannot exist. This is where we must be attuned to our intuition and sharpen our intention radar to keep out of this mentality. Also, if we are thinking negatively about the love that does show up then it won't be there very long. Our thoughts also INSTANTLY effect what is happening. See the correlation?

Shifting towards Love... I hope that this post will inspire you to choose love against all odds. To recognize it when it shows up, to cherish and celebrate every second. To let go of preconceived notions, to love yourself first and grow the ability to love others unconditionally. Oh, and when others are in love be happy for them because they create the possibility for us all.

Anything can happen... are you ready for love to take you by storm?

I want to share this quote from a Martin Luther King Speech on Non-Violence, which talks about different kinds of love all filtering into Agape, the ability to love all men.
"The Greek language uses three words for love. It talks about eros. Eros is a sort of aesthetic love. It has come to us to be a sort of romantic love and it stands with all of its beauty. But when we speak of loving those who oppose us we’re not talking about eros. The Greek language talks about philia and this is a sort of reciprocal love between personal friends. This is a vital, valuable love. But when we talk of loving those who oppose you and those who seek to defeat you we are not talking about eros or philia. The Greek language comes out with another word and it is agape. Agape is understanding, creative, redemptive good will for all men. Biblical theologians would say it is the love of God working in the minds of men. It is an overflowing love which seeks nothing in return. And when you come to love on this level you begin to love men not because they are likeable, not because they do things that attract us, but because God loves them and here we love the person who does the evil deed while hating the deed that the person does. It is the type of love that stands at the center of the movement that we are trying to carry on in the Southland—agape."

Surrounding you in the cascading light of all types of love connecting you to the core of who you really are...Spirit/God/Oneness.

Day 133: This Movie That IS You

2010-10-20T08:11:00.000-07:00

My dream for a true fall has been answered and I am eternally grateful!! For many reasons it was more important to me this year to have a real fall than ever before. My Grandmother passed away last October and we thought we were going with her, from a bout of swine flu and pneumonia. So, having the opportunity this year to be outside celebrating the dying phase of nature feels like the perfect homage to Grammy's passing.

There has been so much renewal happening in my life that it almost feels like a spring rather than fall. I am just going with it. Continually opening myself, especially at those times I feel the inkling to close up. I am no longer fearful. Only excited for what is showing up and how I created it to be there.

There are moments when I remember the exact thoughts/emotions that brought something into being and the awareness is helping me to create amazing circumstances. Also, trusting my intuition and by fine tuning my intention radar, I have been able to capture opportunity that may have just slipped through the cracks before.

“A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.” ~Seneca (Roman Philosopher mid-1st Century AD)

Intent is the cornerstone to consciousness and co-creating. Intention is creation. And Intuition is God within, guiding us through to the unlimited access of the infinite -if we can only allow it to come through...

"The object of your focused intent is like a blueprint for
manifestation." ~ Richard Bartlett

The most important thing I have learned is how to let go. Focus can easily turn into force if not allowed to be freed to the Universe/God/Spirit to put it into action. It is not up to us how or when it shows up, which is the second most important part of creating - trusting - knowing it is being taken care of.

It is completely incredible and excites me to no end to really KNOW that it is ME in conjunction with this force inside of me (GOD/Spirit/Universe)making up the outside world. Have you ever felt like your life was a movie? I have my entire life. Now I get why - not just in a metaphorical way but in the truth that it is! I am the producer, director and have the lead role in what could be the next blockbuster life;) it's all up to me!

My movie is an adventure, a true love story with characters that all represent the different aspects of my psyche (whether I like it or not:) and the main character is wise, loving and authentic moving through each scene from a loving heart that helps change world consciousness.

What is your movie? Who are the characters? How does the plot go? How will it end? Make it up and be clear that this movie is real and we get to call the shots! It is only up to us no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in there is always another angle we can play to create the best most wonderful movie/life anyone could ever imagine.

I hope you will try telling your story in a new way. Letting go of the old story that keeps you in an old pattern and rise up to the opportunity that has always existed within you to create what you want!! I have to remind myself all the time. Being outside this fall has been a great reminder. Go outside and contemplate your movie!

See you on the BIG Screen of your wildest Dreams;)

NAMASTE xoxosloan

Day 132: Aligning With The Flow of Fall

2010-10-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

What I love most about fall is that distinct smell that the dried leaves give off, smells to me like burnt sugar tastes. MMMM. I love it. I love the colors. Today walking in the park, leaves crunching to count my steps, all of the orange, yellow, and red leafed trees, turned my attention toward my three lower chakras: Root (Red/1), Sacral (Orange/2) and Solar Plexus (Yellow/3). I tend to live in the top 4 Heart, Throat, Brow and Crown.

As nature goes through it's seasons we are reminded that our bodies are chemically responding and changing with the seasons! Today it hit me that this is a good time to root myself in my physicalness of being human (Root/Red/1), reconnecting to the intimate relationship with myself as well as those close to me(Sacral/Orange/2) and giving the love I have for myself room to grow and shine(Solar Plexus/Yellow/3).

Fall has a tendency to carry with it a sense of melancholy maybe it is in the letting go. Sometimes it is sad to let go of old parts of ourselves because we are so used to them!!! In fact, we recreate them again and again in our subconscious mind even though we think we have let them go! This is the hardest to notice. That is why the stripping away is so important, because when my branches are bare it is easier to notice my new growth of an old pattern.

"A wind has blown the rain away and blown the sky away and all the leaves away, and the trees stand. I think, I too, have known autumn too long."
~E. E. Cummins

I think this is a good time to use the energy of nature to create some profound shifts within. In Kung Fu San Su I was taught how to use my opponents energy (not my own) against him. With the same idea in mind I can utilize the natural flow of nature by aligning myself with it's energy and pull from it's strength. It is like going with the current instead of against. I believe when we harmonize with nature we can easily be taken to the next level.

Look around a take notice of people needing a change. There is a itch (internally) that comes with Spring and Fall. We want to change jobs, try something new, be in a relationship, move... Once recognized though, it is easy to go with the energy of this shift and allow it to work for me. It doesn't have to be a questioning time, or even a huge upheaval, but it can be a very good time to change things because I've got this energy of fall to align with to see me through it.

It is an exciting time!! Even if you are living in a place where there isn't much of a fall there is still a natural shift happening it just may be more subtle visually, but can still be connected to energetically.

Here is the meditation I did on my walk: I stood with my back resting on the trunk of a tree while I stared at a tree who's leaves had turned red. I visualized my toes having roots going into the ground and intertwining with those of the trees I was studying. I brought the energy of the red leaves into my root chakra and imagined a red leafed tree there balancing my attachments to the outer/physical world. When I felt the energy moving there I then did the same with an orange leafed tree and this time seeing it there just below my belly button I visualized myself climbing it, swinging from the branches and then seeing the people I love also in and around the tree in perfect harmony and love. Then onto yellow - this is a big one Solar Plexus,where the ribs join, represents our relationships to ourselves- I saw the yellow tree there and then I illuminated it slowly getting brighter and brighter until it was no longer a tree...now looking more like the sun. WOW! I didn't stop there, I then took a lot less time and connected the upper chakras to the first three.

Try it...I just made it up while in the park... you can make up your own too! It is such a wonderful and strong feeling. I feel solid and powerful able to move with whatever comes my way. Remember too, trees are flexible otherwise they would break at every high wind or storm. The same is true for us. We must be flexible especially now with much of the life energy going towards change. It is good to look back at the things that we have changed and how great those changes have been and how easy it was.

I surround you in the beauty of change, letting go and aligning with the flow of fall.

Day 131: 3-2-1 ACTION

2010-10-08T06:55:00.000-07:00

Wow...I think I actually did nothing yesterday. I can't remember the last time I had a day like that. I wish I could say that I enjoyed it. It was more like I was in molasses... mentally. Ever feel like that? I wasn't sad or depressed, just feeling stuck. YUCK! Those are the kind of days that I just want to get through if I cannot shift the ick:)

I did get through it, but before I went to bed I asked myself some serious questions and had to get really honest with myself, which is what I think the stuckness was all about..I was avoiding the conversation I needed to have with myself. Ahhhh I feel so much better today for having done it.

Avoidance is a KILLER. One that I have allowed to kill many of my desires/dreams, off and on my whole life. Procrastination is the same as avoidance. My mind kept telling my body to just take action. But I felt like I was paralyzed! It was so real but so ridiculous at the same time, looking back on it.

I agree sometimes we just need to be a bump on a log, but that was not all that was going on inside of me. I have a tendency to be really good as a starter but my weakness is in the persistence to finish. I have to literally PUSH myself sometimes, which is much like trying to push the back end of a mule in a forward direction. And yesterday the mule did not budge!

“Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.” ~Winnie The Pooh

The action I took was not for my physically body it had to take place in my mental and emotional bodies first. We are so physically oriented in our daily lives and how we think of ourselves that it is really easy not to address what kind of action really needs to be taken.

Equally as important as action is listening. Learning to ask ourselves questions and listen internally for the answers. Last night after my inability to do much as far as physical action, I asked myself "what is really going on here? & what do i need to do right now?"

The answer came back in a very subtle way...I had a feeling to write it out. I reached for my computer, but inside the feeling said, not the computer --->a journal. And as I began asking myself more questions, I didn't wait. I just kept writing what I thought the answer was and then more information began to come as if through my pen. Things I hadn't even thought could be a part of it, were!

I know I have stressed this before...The act of hand writing thoughts connects us to that uncensored part of our spirits/source/God. When we go there we can know everything we need to know. It is all within us. Even things we think we don't know or understand are waiting to be revealed to us, if we know how to listen once we ask.

“Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf” ~Indian Proverb

Most people, by the time they are asking for answers are already so far at the end of their ropes that they don't have the patience or the calmness within to hear the answers. Sometimes our answers will come in other ways. Mine have come inside my head, in pictures, through another person, movie, song or story. When you are listening it is not the kind of listening that you do with your ears. Instead it is an intuitive listening that once you've heard what is needed in what ever form it arrives in - you are certain it is the answer. TRUST THIS WITHOUT QUESTION

My answers have also come in parts, but I trusted that instinct inside that said this is one part of what I need and I waited patiently for the rest to show up. It is kind of like how I know when a painting is complete. It is a feeling I get...like a receiver with an incoming signal.

Tuning into my power of listening has been my guide for my entire life. I haven't always followed what I received, but I learned that it is best to.

Taking Action is the other part of listening. When we get the wisdom through our reception we must act on it immediately! No matter what! The wisdom or answer must be implemented. I have experimented with this...if you don't then it is not as quick to come next time. When I do consistently, I am in the flow - a blissful state of listening and taking action where time dissapears.

I surround you in the bliss of asking, listening and taking action towards your greatest fulfillment!

xoxo

Day 130: This Trust Is Sacred

2010-10-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

Wow, it has been ten months since I started this blog. In the beginning it was really important for me to quit everything, to recalibrate and see what would happen. What I could do if I stopped habits that I felt were holding me back. Since then I have realized what works best for me is to refrain from forming habits that keep me distracted from my inner world.

I don't believe that it is necessary to abstain from everything, but I do however believe it is important to stop everything in order to figure out what to keep, what to drop and what activities really support the full expression of ones true self.

In my own development there have been so many fascinating discoveries and break throughs, yet I feel it still just the beginning. The more I dive in, the more of a student I become. I love it!!!

The study of ones own self is what it is all about. We are all micro universes creating and destroying all the time. Learning how I tick, how I really tick has helped me understand the greater essence of what this life is all about and my role in it.

In my eyes, as many of you already get from being on this journey with me, it is about the greater force (Love, God, Source, Spirit, Ether..whatever you wish to call it) that runs through us and learning to align with it on all levels.

The uncovering of this within me has been happening my whole lifetime and the only difference now is that I am consciously choosing to align with it and to allow it. I am foregoing the social standards, the conformity, the labels, stigmas, all ego in order to be honestly and authentically connected more than not.

It is working. Great things are coming to me, but even more than that I have come into my own. I have come into the understanding that nothing matters but love and most importantly I have connected to the trust one must have to believe this. It is sacred...if anything is holy... this trust makes me feel holy. This feeling is true love...I had longed for it my whole life.

The pealing away of fear has led me to the rawness of my authentic self, who is now stronger than fear ever was. It is a quiet joy like morning sunlight filling an unsuspecting room. I am full.

It is October and really fall. As the trees shed spring and once again, so do I. Letting go of unserving thoughts, roles and ideas to move into the rawness of my ever renewing being.

The true path to my freedom is this deep trust in that part of myself that knows, that makes it okay to jump off into the dark because I know I will always be held. I never know what will come but what I do know is that I can shape anything into being and that is what gives me passion to thrive.

I surround you in the rawness of your authentic self ever pervading and renewing.

Thank you for being with me...NAMASTE

129: Fractals: A Clue for A New You

2010-10-03T09:57:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh Sunday... a mask of winter lays upon this day as I play along cuddled up under my quilts to write. It has taken me a week to get back into the swing of things again after my trip to California. I had not been meditating regularly and was partaking in some old habits. I notice such a difference in myself and am quickly getting back to my new patterning.

Yesterday, I learned about what scientist and mathematicians call fractals. A fractal by definition is "a rough or fragmented geometric shape that can be split into parts, each of which is (at least approximately) a reduced-size copy of the whole,"[1] a property called self-similarity. So, basically the splitting of a straight line into many lines that connect to make new shapes in a repetitious pattern.

This is an example of a fractal shape.

It was exciting because it changed measurement to be more accurate for instance, of a coastline. It changed the way scientists think about things because it actually was a way of explaining what they already knew from studying nature - intricate self repeating patterns. A concept which is now being used in the area of the human body to catch cancers and heart problems much earlier. And in computer science it lead to programing that did certainly change the world, graphics and animation all the way down to the little antennas in our cell phones.

Again, I'd like to point out that someone made up fractals. It is all made up by someone. Let's make up our own formulas for living loving, happy, fulfilling lives!

While watching this I was thinking about how our thought patterns are also fractals in that they are self repeating and regenerating the same results in many cases since the majority of thoughts we have today will be the same ones we have tomorrow and so on. Many of which aren't our own to begin with!

“Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one's head.” ~Mark Twain

What has stuck out in my mind as the key word here is REPEAT. The repetition is so important. Creating new patterning happens through repetition and gets planted in our subconscious mind only through repeating. That intent, focus and emotional energy behind this repetition is the action causing the reshaping to occur.

What kind of mental shaping is the media creating? They too through repetition are programming the world with disaster and negativity. Repetition is marketing 101 because it is a law of nature. They are using it to their advantage an so can we more constructively!

I believe that if we look at our internal dialogue, one thought at a time, as a straight line and then break it down into it's most positive properties and repeat them, we've got some useful and productive patterning happening. First we have to think about what shape we want our lives to take and then we have to break down what we are doing now, reorganize it within, couple it with our emotion behind the thought and keep repeating. With this formula of fractals we create the whole of a life we have always dreamed of having.

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha

New ways of looking at the same idea is important because it uses more of our whole brain and we begin to become ingrained with a more complete understanding. This is also repetition inviting new angles to intrigue the faculties of our minds. Just as coming back to our new patterning away from our old habits reinforces what really works for who we are becoming.

I invite you to begin thinking about what shape you'd like the fractal that is you to take on and put the necessary action and emotion behind it! It is up to us. I also invite you to imagine the fractal that we are co-creating with the entire world the shape that we are building with our fellow man now and then what it has the potential to be...

Surrounding you in the courage to consistently keep reinventing and repeating what works while shedding what isn't.

NAMASTE... I see the Divine in you that is the same as the Divine within me.

Day 128: The Surrender of Control => Creative Influence

2010-09-27T11:14:00.000-07:00

Even before my return from a week in California I had been wanting to write about control. I have used this word in different ways - controlling our thoughts and so forth. But I now have a new understanding of control as I witness it showing up in different ways in my experience to teach me these new insights.

Really there is nothing to control. The need to control, I believe, begins in the ego mind. I catch myself doing what I call "the big bossy sister act" where I have this need for someone to do something the way I want. Or getting intense about the sequence of events to produce a certain outcome. The last one actually makes me laugh as I write because it is sooooo foolish to think I can control any outcome. Although, I know I can influence an outcome with my thoughts and actions in each moment.

The only thing that I may have creative control or creative influence over are my thoughts and reactions. I want to get away from using the word control because I feel like it is giving off a different meaning than what I am going for here. So, creative influence is the ability to in the moment through my influence of thought, action or reaction to create the energy of what it is that will come back to me.

It is important to have a visual of what it is that I see for myself, but more so than that is how I align inwardly -right this minute- with that outer vision. And not having an absolute hold on what the outcome looks like. We in this moment, only have the intelligence to perceive that which has been built up within us up to this point in time - so we just may be limiting ourselves to what is possible beyond our imagination's capability!!!

I have had in the last few weeks some very interesting controlling people around me. I watch myself, as if separated, to see where this is hitting my own personality. I have noticed the things I need to work on the most will show up magnified in others around me. Because I created this separation, I understood immediately that this was happening because it is something I must heal within. Watching it magnified in someone else helped me to recognize that it was coming from fear. Fear of the unknown. And more importantly that it is silly and not how I wish to be.

If I really think about it everything is uncertain and by embracing uncertainty I am free from the fear of the 'unknown'. The only known for me that is unwavering is LOVE and the power of the universe is wielded through it. Coming from this perspective, fear is instantly driven out of the picture and there is no-thing to control. To really love is to surrender to that pure essence within that we cover up and build fortresses around. To allow it room to flow by letting down those walls... surrendering to that force that connects us all (Love, God, Universe...whatever you want to call it).

"The strongest and most effective force in guaranteeing the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated, but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination." ~Robert Frost

The ego has convinced us that through the force of our will (control)- we will attain security. Security is an illusion in the sense that it comes from money alone. True security is uncovering the security naturally provided by our true essence which is love. At our core we are secure if we choose to believe and trust in this divine intelligence/wisdom. We cannot fail because there is no such thing as failure unless we create the idea of it in our creative influence and all of a sudden it then becomes our possibility.

People who work at controlling their environments are really scared of losing something. They are constantly in scarcity mode therefore, creating more of it. Even a controlling rich person is creating some sort of scarcity in their environment and it is usually in the area of love.

The way that I am helping free myself of this is simply recognizing those moments where I feel the need to want to control. I stop myself and immediately ask "what am I afraid of" reminding myself that there is only love and the creative influence that I choose to put forth in this moment. It really works! Best of all, it really feels so good to allow/surrender, releasing the rigidity of this false senseof security and the need to control.

It isn't even a letting go necessarily, to surrender is to open to the divine within and see it in every thing and every person....

I surround you in the ease of surrendering to this moment and knowing that your creative influence from love is true security.

Day 127: Dying to Oneself

2010-09-13T10:26:00.000-07:00

Warm breezes, smell of dried up grass and a sweet hint of fall fill my spirit. I just want to be outside in it. So, as I am writing this post on the front porch rocking chair, I recognize that the crickets are not loud like they once were, that the leaves on some trees are beginning to change colors and that I am a different person today than I was yesterday.

Everything changes. Nothing is permanent. Yesterday I found a dead butterfly, holding it in my cupped hands I marveled at the colors and fragility of this beautiful creature, who represents change/transformation. The dying away of the old to fly into this moment. How wonderful the gift of finding this message!

In order to be truly free we must die to ourselves constantly. Not physical death, but more psychological. Dying to the ideas we have, dying to conformity within us, dying to the needs of our ego. In order to be truly free we must know and understand our true selves. Not the self that pretends to be a certain way because it is acceptable but the real self with all of it's "flaws" to not hide them but through understanding with compassion we get to the place of real love - for our real selves.

We are all so conditioned from day one. When we are following the code of our conditioning we are absent of our true nature. Stuck in this cycle - we just get further from the only thing that matters: Understanding and loving ourselves. When we begin to understand our true selves beneath the conditioned self, we then have a real chance at love and freedom.

True understanding is all the change that needs to occur! That is the great news. You don't have to do a bunch of affirmations, mantras or exercises. Once a deep understanding has been born the shift is automatic. It is when we try to hide parts of ourselves that we create the struggle or friction. Understanding and loving those parts of ourselves releases fear, judgement and shame. The more we do this for ourselves the more we do it for others and so on... it is a ripple effect. It really does change the world.

Transformation is not becoming someone or something new. It is dying to that which we think we 'should' be and become alive to who we really are with peace, love and appreciation.

Recognizing my own conditioning is what led me to all of this in the first place and then of course finding the butterfly. Looking at fear and judgements that pop up with the awareness that while they may exist, understanding the thoughts that crested them is where the release happens...spontaneously.

I invite you to play with understanding and really looking at what makes you tick. Really looking at ourselves is all we've got to do in a really honest way, without judgement, condemnation or shame. Just simply looking, like you would at a dead butterfly in your hands.

I surround you in understanding which breeds compassion which leads to real love which is GOD.

Day 126: Is Our Dialogue Creating a Consciousness Revolution?

2010-09-07T10:51:00.000-07:00

In the stillness cruising between thoughts, I stumble over one idea that continues to roll over in my mind and in my awareness. As I am becoming more aware of my own thoughts, presence and reactions to the world from the inside, I am noticing how I dialogue, converse and listen to those around me.

I am understanding that in order to shift my own consciousness that I have to become acutely aware of myself and then also in my creation through the response I choose. In becoming aware of my dialogue with others, I notice that I am not the best listener. My mind is wanting to add to, question, agree/disagree - all of which take me out of my present awareness of listening. It is a type of meditation to simply listen to another person without judgement or the need to chime in or to be right/wrong.

Those of you who know me, know that I am a talker. I love to discuss ideas, brainstorm and debate. In the last 9 months of slowing myself down, listening has come into the forefront of my personal work. It is tough! It is tough because in order to really listen to someone we must be open, non judgemental, fully focused and continually letting go of the ego's need to agree/disagree/take things personally or whatever it wants to do to close us down.

Doing nothing is the hardest of all. Nothing means NO - THING. And a thing is an object. We ourselves are objects in our own ego mind so, to release or suspend this habit/learned behavior/pattern of object referral is possible but a little like beginning pilates or yoga- there is so much that goes into one little movement.

Listening and creating a true dialogue are both arts that have been muddled with our individual ideas of what they mean. Can you listen to someones thought/idea without immediately having judgements pop into your mind or right vs. wrong? Can you carry on an open dialogue with someone in the same way - no need to have a solution just a creative conversation, an opening to all the possibilities? Most of us can, but do not challenge ourselves to listen or dialogue in this way.

I know that I do sometimes and then I get lazy or don't remember to create that opening within reminding myself to really just listen, continually letting go and therefore really reaching a place where creative exchange is happening. I have had some amazing conversations like this before and they are like doing a painting for me...it is pure bliss.

What if we could learn to do this more often than not in all of our relationships? What if we taught our children how to do this? What would the world be like?

I believe a mental shift such as this is the revolution that must happen to propel mass consciousness to the next level. We must revolt to the habits of our mind, not by denying them but by exchanging them for a new way.

Is it possible for us to suspend the need to reach a solution, an answer or to have an agenda in a dialogue? Is it possible that having open dialogues could change the world? What would that take to do inside of me?

We all are so limited in our own ideas of the way things are or "should be". We shut ourselves out of further transformation because we can't suspend our judgements long enough to understand one another. It is ludicrous, when you think about it this way, isn't it??!!

What is the most ridiculous is that we think we are communicating with each other. We are but on such a superficial level where no real shift can happen. We have to begin to allow our hearts to open to understand without the need to agree or disagree. We must let go of the toxic mental debris that clouds our ability to expand beyond this current level of consciousness into greater possibilities.

It feels so good to really listen, to have discussions free of judgement and the ego's needs. How can I create this type of dialogue in my life? Good question. I don't think there really is a need to say this is what and how I want have this conversation - unless you are teaching someone how to do it within themselves in the confines of a specific idea. To just simply do it within yourself is enough. People instinctively follow suit, eventually. And to do it for the simple fact of freeing your own mind, many other rewards will come that aren't yet in your present awareness.

Here's to us learning how to really communicate, therefore creating expansion and a transformation of our collective consciousness...

Surrounding you in the bliss of letting go of the ego's needs and really tuning into the creativity that connects us all through the heart.

Day 125: Squirl Meditation & Space to Grow

2010-09-03T10:11:00.000-07:00

Today I had a squirl meditation. I was watching (with joy) this little squirl so busy and abrupt in his movement when I must have gone into a deep state of nothingness and wouldn't have noticed except that an hour had passed in what seemed like a glance.

Meditation, I am understanding, doesn't need to be planned for or sat for it can happen in passing, while watching children play or in this case a squirl. It is a letting go that happens an frees the mind to relax enough to connect with our higher self/God self whatever you want to call it. That space where the only awareness is joy.

"The silence that comes when thought has understood it's own beginning - the
nature of itself, understood that thought is always old... this is
MEDITATION...where the meditator has emptied his/herself from past and
future."~J. Krishnamurti

I love the statement thought is always old! I believe it is much easier to let go of thoughts we consider to be old and inconsistent with who we are in this moment.

I had some friends come through town on their way to Virginia and they stayed for a night. My friend reminded me of something I had taught her nearly 10 years ago and that was that we must give people the opportunity and space to grow. It was a great reminder and I wanted to share it with you.

I think it is too easy to pin people to who we think them to be or to the identity they have created for themselves on the outside. We say things like, "You've changed." or "You are not the person I thought you were." Everyone is changing in every moment - growing, hopefully into a betterment of their true nature. Holding people and ourselves (especially if it's negative) to their/our past can limit their growth and your relationship to them and yourself.

We have a tendency to hold and limit ourselves by the memory of past shameful events or painful experiences. What if we saw those memories as old and of no use now? What if we gave ourselves a clean slate to become in this moment everything that we deeply know we are capable of? What if those around us also allowed us to be that in every moment?

In my experience it has had to come from me first. I have to demand this attitude within my own mind and actions. And it is wonderful how others naturally follow suit. Occasionally in my relationships, I will have to throw out a reminder that I am a new person each day and what I did, said or felt yesterday may be non conclusive today. I am a growing, changing and evolving in each moment. I could go as far as to say in each moment I am new.

Man, so often I hear people limiting themselves based on their past experiences. I have done it too. We all do, we call this learning, but it isn't really. If our past experiences are still fresh in our minds and we bring them up often then we haven really learned from them, we are still experiencing them. A boyfriend, spouse or loved one who continually brings up the past has not let go of what happened then. And is holding the other person there too. There is no freedom to grow beyond whatever was then and therefor they keep creating the same or similar experiences.

Crazy, isn't it!

We have to love enough to appreciate our own ability to grow, truly learn our lessons and evolve into our greaterness, constantly. If we don't for ourselves then no one will. Once we do, then the whole world will.

We all have set ideas about ourselves. I'm lazy. I'm not athletic. I'm not good at expressing myself... we all have some sort of idea(s) that limit us from our full potential. And we allow others to also keep us there back there in our past somewhere... How are we ever to grow beyond who we are right now if we keep stuffing ourselves in yesterdays?

Every day our cellular body is brand spankin' new! That means that there is a blank body of information circling every inch of our being every hour. So we have an opportunity each day to fill our cells with new memory and ideas. We have the opportunity to be new all the time.

I love the idea that thought is always old. It makes each moment so much more exciting and new! As soon as we have a thought it is old, but if we keep having it we keep recycling the old. I am taking inventory and making sure I want to recycle the old.

Surrounding you in the newness of each moment and room to allow yourself and others to grow.
xoxoxo

Day 124: Our Violent Tendencies

2010-08-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

I am observing the World's violence. Without emotion, attachment to right or wrong, simply noticing. We are all violent in some way. Our righteousness (ego) wants to read that and say, "Well, of course I am not violent." We don't even recognize our own viciousness or subtle violent tendencies. We look out at the world, acting in bursts of violence, and say it's them over there who are violent.

How can that be if we are the creators of our world? How can we create such separation if we are of One?

Today I am taking responsibility for the World's violence from within my tendencies. Violence can be in words we use, you don't have to hit or kill someone to be considered violent. To be in anger (which is really a reaction of fear) is to be violent. #5 in the definition of violence from dictionary.com reads: rough or immoderate vehemence, as of feeling or language: the violence of his hatred.

“Violence is one of the most fun things to watch.” ~Quinten Ternatino

YIKES!!! Our world is filled with such hatred, violence and vehemence! We enjoy to watch it on TV and in movies. We even enjoy the action of our own violent acts. So much so that it has become a natural part of life. Violent acts are an everyday occurrence like waking up. We are all violent.

Is there a way out of violence or beyond it? Can I heal myself of violence and therefore the World?

I had never really looked objectively at my own tendencies towards violence as to me it seemed a natural way to be. Until a recent family activity bringing violence very close in view, I hadn't really given much attention or thought about the violence in the world or in me. I like most, don't like to look at that part of myself or of the World. But I am choosing to because it is an important part of our shift in consciousness.

We have all reacted with our emotions or without thinking, snapped at our loved ones, co-workers or said hateful things in a fight. We just never think of it as violent behavior. It is somehow acceptable and rationalized.

It is our conditioning of fear and separation that instills and breeds violence. I am working with myself to begin to break patterns of my conditioning by simply observing where it begins within me. What am I afraid of when I am in a place of reaction? Am I afraid of loosing something? What if I wasn't afraid then how would I act or react?

When we are moving from love, there is no past to judge from, there is only this moment. Love doesn't have ownership of another, jealousy, resentment, remembrance of the past. Love exists only in the now and it is completely free of limitation.

Instantly we can shift violence if we are aware of it in subtle ways and choose to shift it. I caught myself thinking negatively towards someone who hurt my family member, even saying hateful things outwardly in regards to this person. Later I felt bad about it so, I decided to take a deeper look into my own anger/fear that is perpetuating the state (energy) of our World.

Acting in alignment with Oneness, I am not separate, I am part of the cause and at anytime I can turn on ESPN and see the effect that separateness is creating. This is not blame, I am not blaming myself or anyone. I am simply understanding that it is only by fully taking responsibility that I can really make a change from within.

It doesn't matter how we acquired violence, all that matters is what we decide to do about it. I am still working this one out inside of me. Not ignoring or suppressing it, but really noticing bringing awareness around it so that I recognize it within myself as anything but natural!

We get used to everything. I lived on Maui for six years. For six years I saw the ocean everyday and nearly every sunset. When I first arrived to Maui I was in AWE. I took it all in, I got goose bumps and excitement rose up in my belly when I saw whales, dolphins and rainbows. But eventually because those things became a constant, I didn't have that same AWE as before. Maui became another backdrop to the movie of my life. This phenomenon happens in all aspects of our lives. So, we get used to everything quickly, so much so that it becomes a part of our natural existence. This is why terrible habits in thinking and action can become so seemingly natural and ingrained.

How do we make a real change? We go against conformity. We get honest with what goes on inside of us and not following along with the way things are. Observing how we act/react - refraining from judgement - as we ask ourselves if that is who we really want to be and is that what we really want to see in the world.

"We can never obtain peace in the world if we neglect the inner world and don't make peace with ourselves. World peace must develop out of inner peace."
- The Dalai Lama

We are creating with our thought and actions the world as we know it. We must think bigger and we must take responsibility for our role in its creation. Then real change can happen. Energy is matter and that is a fact.

What are your violent tendencies? What are the fears that bring them forward? What if those fears weren't there?

We can change the way our mind is hard wired by paying attention through observation, not allowing ourselves to move through life like machines, but to become anew in each moment of choice.

I surround you in loving observation of violence and the power to shift it in an instant so that peace may take it's place.

Day 123: It's as Easy as 1 - 2 - 3

2010-08-26T20:46:00.000-07:00

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The sound of waves ebbing and crashing on shore is like the rhythm of our bodies. It is similar to the flow of blood in our bodies coupled with our heart beat. After listening our bodies begin to resonate with this similar vibration and begin to feel one with the ocean. To me it feels like home.

Close your eyes or watch the waves and feel the rhythm of your body begin to ebb and flow with the waves. Imagine that whatever thoughts come up are being washed ashore. Maybe you are floating on the water, feel the saltwater sour in your mouth and the smell of the ocean air filling you. Ahhhh. Then simply let go in it's buoyancy...be carried.

This is a very short meditation and very doable right now, even if you are at work! This is also a great lead into a longer meditation. After doing this myself, it felt like it was even shorter than 10 minutes. I felt I could do a much longer meditation so, I started it again and then continued a few minutes beyond it ending. Use it however you wish.

The deal is not to empty but to let go, like the waves crashing on the shore continually... continually let go. In life we are consistently met with situations that pull us in different directions, which can be very overwhelming just like all of those thoughts in our heads. Learning through meditation how to let go of thoughts makes it easier to not hold so tightly to the happenings in our day to day. We make it difficult or we make it simple.

You decide - Is it as easy as 1 - 2 -3 ??

This is from Deepak Chopra's 21 day Meditation challenge. I think it is a great idea! If you have always wanted to meditate but have not for whatever reason (the ego does not like silence, but it gets used to it:) then why not do your own 21 day challenge - you make up the rules.

Surrounding you in the buoyancy of mental freedom.

Day 122: Living Anchored in Love

2010-08-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to see Eat-Pray-Love. I thought it was good. The message of learning to see through the heart as that is where God is, was loud and clear. Every one's journey is different and totally unique. I really liked how meditation played a big role in her connection to God and finding her truth. It has been the underlying root to my inner connection and truth. The movie outlines a direction for those in search. I hope it will make an impact on those in need of that connectedness. I'd like to add that you don't have to go anywhere to find it! Although, in her case and in mine it was important to break out of a comfort zone or pattern. Everything you need is within you.

Today I meditated under some trees as the crickets song led me deeper within. I stretched my heart energy to encompass the entire world and as I was looking down at the earth in my minds eye, it came to me that the earth is blue and green - heart chakra is green and the throat chakra is blue. Heart is all about unconditional love and the throat chakra is about allowing ones truth to be spoken. I believe it is our earthly mission to live from our hearts and speak the truth of our inner wisdom. Imagine if we all lived this way...

There is a depth of love that I only wish I could describe what the feeling is to living this way other than to say it is a feeling of awe, deep trust and knowingness that fills every fiber of your being and from that moment on you are changed. You can no longer look at the world the way you did before. You can no longer look through your eyes, you are forced to look through your heart. And that is what creates the feeling of bliss. The knowingness settles in and releases all anxiety or fear because the trust that the God energy within, which is the real reality, takes over where insecurity once stood. And this is true FREEDOM.

In my early 30's I was given the gift of helping my friends with the birth of their first child. It was such a wild, heart centered, divine experience that it shifted something deep inside of me. I realized that although I was on a spiritual path and had been doing lots of work on myself for many years that I was still missing a big chunk. I recognized that I did not trust completely. I did not totally trust myself to make the right choices. I did not trust life. I did not trust other people especially the ones that said they loved me. I was feeling lost and disconnected from everything I had worked so hard to learn and change.

Now, through retrospect, I know why. Trust and our connection to the energy of God are our only true anchors in life. I was anchoring myself to other people, job, titles, art, relationships and my role in them, which were constantly changing. So, everything felt fleeting, nothing felt real. Therefore, I was always disengaged on some level. I was not moving from love very often because I had no real knowingness to fill the place of insecurity and no trust in a deeper connection (LOVE) so there was consistantly fear and anxiety.

AHHHHH. What a relief!!! Not to be there anymore. As I was just writing that I had to go back in my memory to see what I was feeling then to describe it and ugggg what a terrible feeling and questioning time!!!

I forged ahead though, in the only ways I knew how and I studied voraciously, did yoga and meditation (sporadically), which helped create small shifts of understanding. It wasn't until coming here last year that something BIG broke apart and it all came together inside of me. As I say this I don't want anyone to get confused and think that once a huge shift happens that your done. HAHA!!! that is the biggest laugh because it is only then that I realized how much more there is to experience within on this new realm of consciousness. It is simply a new beginning anchored in love.

I surround you in the new begining of living from your connectedness to LOVE and the trust that it will always guide you correctly.

Namaste

Day 121: Molding the Infinate Mind Through the Heart

2010-08-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

Speaking with a friend the other evening we were discussing how we can shift our relationships in what we call our outer reality by creating the environment of what we want to see there first on the inside of our own minds and hearts.

How does this work?

Every cell has an electromagnetic field, therefore everyone has an electromagnetic field. We communicate (whether we realize it or not) first and silently through the energy or shift in our magnetic fields as a result of our inward feelings, thoughts and what we may be holding on to or letting go of, which then actually affect those around us instantaneously. It that fascinating!

The electromagnetic field of the heart is the most powerful and has been recorded at record distances. In fact on can say that distance doesn't exist where the heart is concerned.

"The heart the most dynamic organ in the body, the generator of the most electromagnetic activity. Did you know that the intelligence of the heart is superior to that of our brain's intelligence?! 75% of the heart's cells are neurons!!... It has cells that are called neuro-cardiosites, which generate the molecules of emotion." (from a lecture by Deepak Chopra)

It is the same way that a flock of birds can fly in a formation without talking to one another. Deepak calls this exchange of information nonlocal synchronization. It is how all of nature communicates.

Energy always carries information. A small example is being able to feel it when someone is upset instantly with no outward signs. Or how when we think of someone and they call. This is also why prayer works to heal people and situations.

Hmmmmm....

So now taking this information and moving from love (heart centered awareness) let's now think about how we want our relationships to be, our dreams to manifest, our world vision...

If anything is possible and moldable then how would you dream it to be???

We have before us in each moment a blank slate that we get to impress upon with our thoughts, emotions and love. So many people are focused on such small and negative things it is astonishing and then wonder why things aren't going well in their lives...? DUGH!!

I was telling my friend about how I have experimented with this phenomenon, which is totally natural and magical at the same time.

I have shared this story in a past post but it also fits here: I was 19 and working as the assistant to the producer in a big video production company in LA. The producer was nice one minute and abusive the next. (A projection of the way I treated myself inwardly - I know for sure:) One day after listing to my Louise Hays tapes, I decided that the next time he came at me with anger that I would have no reaction and on the inside just send him love. So, in my thoughts the next time he tried to break me down, I just sent loving thoughts to him while looking at him seething. All of a sudden he began to calm and apologized for acting that way - which he had never done all those times before!

I have also done it in my intimate relationships: family, boyfriends, friends, pets, business associates...

I also use it to create peace in the world. Because we have this power to shift the energy of those around us so profoundly by going into our hearts or putting our attention on our hearts with whatever intention chosen for the particular situation, why not set a loving, healing, peaceful intention on occasion for the entire world!?!

We have such immense power that we don't even believe we have! So, I encourage you to do your own experiments. And to notice that when things aren't working out where your energy is coming from...love or fear, anger resentment? Be honest with yourself so that you will get better and better at catching yourself creating things you may not really want.

I surround you in the moldable sea of infinite possibility, to create the world you really want out of love. (This is True Power:)

Day 120: Walking the Fine Line of Balance

2010-08-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

Last night I went out with some friends and had a great time celebrating life. I have been exploring the balance between numbing out and diving in. Interesting observing what feelings numbing out creates...

I believe that anyone can enter into an altered state of consciousness spiritually no matter what their lifestyle choices are. For me though, I have experimented with this balance and find that I do better with the least amount of numbing out - whether it be with alcohol, TV or other distractions.

I do believe that there can be a creative outlet there and sometimes I consciously use it as such, but it can also distance me from what I am visioning for myself because of the negative side effects.

No two ways around it...alcohol and other distractions that I choose have a tendency to effect my mental state negatively if over done. It is a fine line that I really have walked enough to know how it can be a benefit to me and how quickly it can manifest negatively.

It is important to know ourselves well enough to know when is enough and how much is too much...of anything. I can really take or leave alcohol, but sometimes choose it to help me let go. It is less of an internal struggle as it is an external one. Many spiritual groups use drugs to enhance their ability to to cross over this mind into the one mind. I don't believe this is necessary for me, but I do see how it can work as well as backfire.

I really enjoy my life a lot more without the consistent partying and more reflection, meditation and observation. The goal of this year has been to stop doing the things that had become habit to see how that energy could be directed more positively on myself to create the life I desire in a more focused way. This has become my new way of life and I will continue past my 365 Days into a life of devotion.

We all make up our own rules, I truly want to know what rules keep me in the best overall balance mentally, spiritually and physically. This comes down to other fine points of balance like who I choose to spend my energy with. I am discovering through observing myself in different situations with different people that there are hindrances as well as mobility. It is in knowing myself that I discover that balance and attune in accordance to what I need and what is best for all. Gotta know when to stay and when to go.

Listening to my inner wisdom when it comes to creating this fine-tuned sense of balance is absolutely key. Meditation on a daily basis I have found helps me to be more clear in the moment to moment choices I need to make. Sometimes I throw caution to the wind and that is part of my balance.

We have to tune into ourselves on a deep level to understand what it is that really works for us rather than against us. I know now through retrospect how I was working against myself, trying to fill space where now my spiritual relationship resides.

I believe that through this relationship is how and where
we discover the line of our individual balance.

The question then becomes, "Am I willing to find and build that relationship to discover (uncover) what my true balance in life is?"

Others that come into play...Am I being honest with myself? Am I living by my rules or someone else's? How do I really feel about myself when...?

Creating and fine tuning balance for me involves a lot of questioning. Our minds trick us and cover up with the same old story what is beneath the surface, which is the real self. It is our job to get in there and let that real one out.

I surround you in the freedom of love that comes from uncovering your true balance and bringing your real self forward!

xoxo

Day 119: Finding PEACE Beyond Judgement

2010-08-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy week...I apologize for not writing. I also needed to zone out a bit. I did spend much of my down time meditating and just being quiet. Connecting in this way has been so powerful for me. I hope that anyone reading this blog takes at least that away from my writing... Meditation and the silence beyond thought is the most important connection we can make on a daily basis.

This last week has been a very interesting one... lots of things happening with my family. It is easy to get caught up in the drama and emotion of situations that come up in our lives and the lives of others close to us. I was listening to Alan Watts (Eastern Philosophy Teacher) on my itouch and he was talking about judgement, how our minds deduct, weigh and judge constantly.

"Let's trade in all our judging for appreciating. Let's lay down our righteousness and just be together." ~Ram Dass

I thought what if I were to practice nonjudgement even just for a few hours...? So, I have been playing around with this all week. It is not easy. Although after a few hours of consciously not being an evaluator and being the observer - detatched from the drama, I began to notice a calm inside of me that was PEACE. I don't know that I have ever really known this kind of peace before now.

When I say non - judgement, I mean not judging anything that occurs. There is no good bad right or wrong. You are just simply observing everything as if the things happening have nothing to do with you, even though they do. So, when I do this I imagine myself floating and watching from above the situation.

It felt so good in my own heart not to be evaluating everything and myself too. I noticed, which I did not expect, that I felt a deeper inner-connectedness with everything and everyone. My love was able to expand naturally. I, being the observer, just allowed situations to float by like thoughts in my meditation. For those few hours a day I let go of the need to lable, to categorize, to control anything.

To my astonishment ---> everything continued. My world didn't stop or fall away with out me calling the shots and saying this is that and that is this... like Deepak Chopra says, "The grass doesn't try to grow, it just grows."

WOW! What a wonderful, loving and accepting way to be in the world. It is with our thoughts/actions that we create what is in our worlds so, by leaving judgement out maybe we can create a more peaceful life...?

The only way to know is to go...Give it a shot!

The down side of this practice is that when I am not consciously working at non judgement that I realize how much I do judge everything, how much work I have before me. But I do not get discouraged because that too.. is only a judgement:) I can release judgment instantly over and over until that peace inside is bigger than judgement and therefore becomes my natural way.

I fill you with the letting go, to really embrace life. Allowing judgements to fall away as the PEACE rises up and takes over where judgement once stood.

NAMASTE: I honor the divine within you that is the divine within me, we are one.

Day 118: A Smile for You

2010-08-05T08:54:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd give you a little message from a dear friend today...

"The sun shines on those who do not carry umbrellas." ~Meshnikov

In my changing environment this message becomes a wonderful reminder that I decide how my day will be. Each day in meditation I visualize my day and happenings flowing with ease, in a magical sort of way.

Mary Popins comes to mind. This character was so magical and brought sunshine everywhere with her. So when I read my friend's quote, I am inspired to see myself as a magical bringer of sunshine.

We create our sunshine with our attitudes and perceeptions, which all stem from our perspective on things. Looking behind the scenes, everything is magic! If we really look at how everything works, how everything comes into being it is all a fantastic miracle!

I smile so much, I thought what would it feel like not to be able to smile. And how would that feel, what would I create in my life without being able to smile? Something so simple yet, so magical. Just one smile can light up the life of another, spark something greater inside -->that is magic.

I am so grateful to be able to smile, to know that I create my sunshine, and that I am a magical
being.

My Aunt Mia and I send you a smile, to spark the magical side of your life.

Carry this smile with you in your heart and share it today with as many people as you can. Put down any umbrellas you might be carrying so that the sun can shine through lifting your heart. And most importantly remember that you are magical being creating a magical world:)

Day 117: Finding Your "Carl"

2010-08-03T10:10:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that I saved a baby elephant that was tied by it's feet and hanging in a tree. I got the help from an Indian (from India) who was a neighbor to whomever had tied up this elephant. The man gave me a leash so that I could walk it home. On the leash there was a name, Carl, so I named the baby elephant Carl.

Carl and I walked to what I guess was my home, but I think I was unfamiliar with it because I was surprised that people lived in these mechanical pods and that everywhere I walked I was walking in 2 feet of water. Carl and I watched people for a while go in and out of these pods, then I managed to get him inside of my pod to feed him. When I woke up in my dream Carl was gone, I knew he had been stolen. Luke showed up and was helping me look for Carl to no avail.

Finding the symbolism... My name means elephant in Russian and ever since learning that, my love and connection towards elephants has grown to the point that I feel one with the elephant. My name also means strength in Celtic, which only unified my bond with elephants because to me they are pillars of strength, endurance and patience. So in this dream, Carl represents these parts of me.

It is my strength, endurance and patience that have become bound and can only be released by me. Luke coming into the picture to help me find it is symbolic of our relationship, only we couldn't find Carl together - I can only find Carl on my own. As he can only find his "Carl" on his own. Whatever his Carl is.

The tree to me represents, the tree of life, rooted in the physical and growing towards spirit. All things of the lessons are in the tree. Carl being tied to the tree of life means to me that this is a big spiritual lesson for me to learn.

The water represents the spiritual and the unknown. While walking into the water I was thinking, "what is under there?" The mechanical pods I will need more time with, but am pretty sure represent the protection of the ego which creates the illusion of safety - but my elephant was taken from my pod. So, it was not safe.

I woke up before reuniting with Carl, but I believe my dream was to send me this message that I will only be able to do it by myself.

Not all dreams are messages, but the ones that stand out deserve more attention. Only we, individually, can identify and extract the code of such messages because we have our own definitions of what things mean to us at different times. For more on Symbols check out my posts from Day:42, Day:61 & Day:94.

Is there a part of you that needs rescuing?

Are you looking to be rescued by someone or something else?

I knew that I was stagnet, I havn't painted much since Luke arrived here in December. But I didn't know it was about my strength. Now it makes so much sense. In a way I got lazy because I just leaned on him to be my strength when I needed it. It is much easier than pulling it up within. But it weighed heavy on our relationship because my endurance and my patience are also missing -- none of which he can actually fill for me - no one can! Certainly there is no fault to be made, it is just what happens in relationship. We get complacent and allow parts of ourselves to lie dormant or in this case to be bound. Every situation is unique. What is yours?

The clarity that can come through in a dream/symbolism is so refreshing. It is like a rope being flung to me from the other side and I can choose to climb it or not. I usually do right away because the ones that are meant to be a message will keep coming until I do.

Here is to you finding your "Carl".

I send you the rope from the other side to climb, to gain a better vantage point of your true self.

Love and light,

xoxo

Day116: Misconceptions of Self Mastery

2010-08-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

Today on a walk takling with a friend, at one point the crickets were so loud I could not hear my friend talking! Ahhh, the sounds of Kentucky. As I was pointing out the crishindo of the cricket orchestra, the whistles of the nearby train drown out even the crickets as well as my voice. And I laughed in awe of the uniqueness of my current environment. I never knew how much I missed the sounds of crickets, frogs, horses and trains.

My friend said to me in her story that she thought she had mastered this area of her life and then went on to tell why she felt she had not through her story. And I stopped her. This is the biggest misconception of Mastery!! The biggest misconception of the journey we are on is that there is an ending point!! There isn't. It contiues through this body and beyond. We are all old souls, each at our own levels of development in God Consciousness.

Who set the rules up for your self mastery? Did you? or Are you following someone elses rules?

Mastery is to have power or control over something or so much knowledge about a certain subject... Any mastery though is not full proof because knowledge is never ending it is always building upon itself.
The road to mastery has many turn off points and vistas to look back or look forward. The process of self mastery means going through all of the lessons and really learning them at a core level in order to move forward in growth. The greatest part of self mastery is that our only gage is ourself. Our only true messure is of where we have come from and yet staying in the present moment moving from love.

It is ego that tells us we are not the 'masters' and it is the ego that makes up what 'mastery' looks like. It is to be thown off the edge when stopping at the vista points! haha

No one person's self mastery looks like anyone elses. How do you know you have mastered anything? When it doesn't come up anymore as an issue in your life. And this may take several lifetimes..who knows:) The ego runs so deep and is so sly. I guess when we are manifesting instantly, moving from love without having to think... we will know the ego no longer exists and then maybe, just maybe we can then say we've mastered the ego. But even saying that, is the ego needing to arrive...see how tricky it is!!!

All we can do is keep allowing ourselves to be where we are, loving and forgiving. Moving through the ego to keep connecting with the truth within that is our true self and our direct link to the divine energy of love/God/Spirit. There is no contest there are no rules other than the ones we make for ourselves to stay centered in our hearts. There is only loving compassion and forgiveness that bring us closer to the truth of who we really are.

All of you people out there who really put forth effort to work on your own stuff to find your true self - HATS OFF TO YOU!!! It is not an easy road but it is a divine one and the rewards are the ultimate bliss of true love inside of ourselves. These come in blinks and whispers and eventually they linger long enough for us to taste what is true and that is why we continue to strive for the truth past the outside world of illusion and ego BS.

Sometimes we will feel as if we are going backward, but this is actually not true. There is no such thing as linear movement in space time continuum -->we just made time up. Every movement is growth.

Our beliefs control how we feel. So, we must really look at our feelings and ask ourselves, "Do I really want to feel this way?" or "How could I change this belief to bring about loving feelings?" or "How is this belief
limiting me from experiencing my true self?"

The point here is to encourage all of those out there who want to define and who punish themselves for the curves in the road, to believe it differently so you can really enjoy the journey. The only rules are the ones we make up - so make up new ones that come from love, serve ourselves and humanity.

I hold you in the nurturing unconditional love and light that is at your core supporting your authentic self to rise up through the nothingness of the ego.
NAMASTE
xoxo

Day 115: Stepping Out and Tuning In

2010-08-02T10:14:00.000-07:00

Went for a walk last night and the air was so thick it muffled voices and scents seemed to hang on the air like a cloths line. Change is in the air...

So much change inwardly has been taking place and now the physical manifestations are beginning to roll in. This is the unknown, and the way we normally interpret the unknown is with apprehension or fear. I have, knowing this, allowed my excitement to build. Apprehension is replaced with anticipation and I see my visions begin to unfold.

The energy shift that is happening is subtle, but is also so familiar that I know big movement is approaching. Gipsy's listen to the wind and follow the energies, there is something to be said about that, but this is about reading the energies to reach new levels within, not chasing after the wind.

A new level of growth is the opportunity. When we are moving to the next level it can feel much like the barometric pressure of a looming storm. You just want it to come already and it can feel heavy and dark just before it breaks. Usually, it is at this time we want to give up or give in when it is really the time to hold strong. When we step up to our next level the horizon is vast and the possibilities are endless in it's landscape. We must remember this as we begin to struggle with the building pressure.

Ahhhhh...relief. I thrive on the learning and growing - the self work it takes to pull myself up and onto the next level of myself. I am excited and ready to dig into whatever it may bring!

I think it is easy to get programmed into seeing our lives in a certain way because we do the same things and many lead a very monotonous/predictable day to day life.

Stepping out and tuning in. Doesn't take much effort really. What it does take is the desire to look at things differently. Shaking up our lives really can simply be shaking up our minds to perceive in a new way.

For example: Pick one day that you will not do something like get mad at yourself or not say a certain word or phrase that we always say/use for one whole day. You can pick anything. Maybe there is a habit you're wanting to break... Pick something to replace it that is positive and go about your day of shifting your perspective and your life. The results are huge in comparison to this very simple activity. You can even invite others to help you by telling them to gently remind you that you are not saying/using that phrase today... have fun with this! This is also great for couple who want to break old habits together.

This is an easy exercise that is a fun way to teach ourselves how to feel differently in our day to day. As we do play with this it helps us to recognize differences and feel the energies of the world around us because we are putting ourselves outside of our normal box of feeling. And of course - meditation is the best exercise to do for tuning in. But if you don't meditate go spend sometime relaxing in nature, it will automatically take you into a meditative state.

I surround you in the excitement of the next level of you awaiting your arrival.

Day 114: Letting Go to Recieve

2010-07-31T09:06:00.000-07:00

Something new I have incorporated into my meditations that I want to share with you... In a meditative state, connected to the earth and to the universal energy allowing both energies to cycle through connecting me to the source within, I create a pink balloon of light above my head. In this balloon I fill it with my vision of what it is I'd like to manifest with as much detail and feeling as possible, I connect it to my heart and then release the balloon. I imagine it going so high into the atmosphere that it becomes a small speck and then vanishes.

It has really been working and feels really good to do!

It is important to release our visions, letting go of the balloon, because we must be manifesting with the belief that it is already being created. So give it up to God/Universe/Source whatever you want to call it:) Releasing the attachment to a set outcome and remaining open to the greater possibilities of how it may arrive in the physical.

Letting go is something that is so easy to say, but our ego makes so difficult for us to actually do. I have talked about letting go before, but it has been a while. Letting go is the key to true freedom. Most people think they have let go of something from their past, but really when they talk about it, it becomes obvious that the energy attached is still loaded with emotion. Do you recognize this in your self or in others?

"By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning."
-- Lao Tzu

What do I mean by letting go? Letting go is not ignoring or putting something way back inside that we forget for a while. Letting go is the releasing of a person or situation with love. And it is not done until true forgiveness has been established, which only comes from real love.

This is not to say you need to be friendly toward a person you are needing to let go of or a situation necessarily. Forgiveness is freeing the heart of grievances and harmful emotions. It is not acceptance of what someone has done. It is saying, "I forgive you for what has happened and I release you and what happened with love." Forgiveness comes from a heart centered awareness. The awareness that we are all ONE. That everyone makes mistakes. One thing that really helps me in letting go is to separate my ego feelings from my heart centered knowing. This requires us to diagnose our behavior and thoughts. Make 2 columns on a sheet of paper (hand write - I have given some directional hints below:)

column 1 - EGO
Ego will be about hurt
How someone did you wrong
pride - No one can do that to me and get away with it
Ego is any reference to the self - self pity
Ego is holding on - Grudges - Grievances
Ego keeps replaying the story

column 2 - LOVE
What would love do now?
What can I learn from this?
Using compassion how can I find understanding?
I choose to forgive with love
I am better for having had this experience.

Sometimes seeing our choices in black and white helps us make better choices.

The ego blows up emotions and that momentum gets used as the driving force behind poor choices. And acts a snowball effect.

Negative emotions harbored inside cause disease and worse. Negative vibrations of anger and resentments stored wreck havoc in our lives. They not only draw in the like kind, they are also not hurting anyone but the carrier and whomever they decide to spew upon. YIKES! Our negative feelings toward others create the way in which they react to us - the way the world reacts to us. Let em GO!!!

It is SOOOO much easier to love - takes a lot less energy and it is energy that is healing and brings more love into our lives! Dugh.... it is really a no brainer:) Choosing love is not only a good thing to do it is imperative for living a full and happy life. What do you want?

Here is a link to a blog post where I share a forgiveness meditation - very powerful!http://http//sloan-365days.blogspot.com/2010/06/day-99-darkness-can-become-our-light.html

In our manifesting we use this same letting go, we must detach ourselves from any certainty we have about an outcome and live as if it is already here, while remaining open to however it may show up. Letting go of our vision out there into the ether is a symbol that it is already in the works.

Have fun with this and let's all work on letting go of the things we might be unknowingly holding onto.

I surround you in the pink light of manifesting great love into your world through learning to let go into the receptivity of the Universe/God/Source.

Day 113: Love Hurts?

2010-07-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

Big changes personally are a great time for me to really put my love to the test. The old part of myself came forward wanting to inflict the pain I felt inside and then after a little time alone I thought, "What am I doing?" I love this person and just because our relationship is shifting doesn't mean that I love him any less.

The ego is very sneaky. It is the part that makes us behave like we have ownership of someone or their love. It created a mental drama around not being wanted or desired in the way I wish to be, and I bought in for a couple of hours - into the silliness. Said things I wish I hadn't, behaved in ways I thought were gone forever and then I recognized self pity creeping in which was the real red flag.

I stopped it right there... snapping myself out of the trance of past conditioning and reminded myself that there is a choice - MY CHOICE. How do I want to feel? Do I want love to hurt? No! I want to feel happy for the love that we share and allow the relationship to be whatever it needs to be. Done. Shifting is as simple as making a heart centered choice that feels good and is good for all. I choose gratitude, I choose to remain in love. For a short time I was choosing negatively and it felt awful, I didn't like who it made me.

In every situation we have the chance to choose, this is our true freedom. Someone can say something to us and we can then choose how we want to receive it. Have you ever paid someone a compliment and they decided to take it as an insult?! It happens because of where we decide to operate from. We get to choose how things affect us.

Where is your behavior rooted? Are you moving from love or ego?

It is so important to keep ourselves in check.

How wonderful and truly empowered I feel having turned my thoughts mid stream. It is simply constant practice. I don't always do it right. I don't make the right choices. I never expect to, my goal is to come from love more than not. (Think what would happen if we all adopted this goal.) Creating the kind of life I really want.

Ego reacts so subtly and then before we know it we are caught up in it's momentum BUT it can only keep building with our choice to continue on it's track. The instant we choose from love, ego disappears like it was never there to begin with.

We are all going to at some point or another revert back to what I call our past conditioning and react from that place. It is natural in the cycle of learning. Have you ever learned a new language or been around someone trying to learn English? They will switch mid sentence to the other language or mix the two throughout. It is part of learning. Once the new language has had time to sink in and has been practiced that switching back and forth happens less and less until it disappears.

It is important at these points to really commend ourselves for our learning. To look at those times and remember back when that was the only choice being made all the time. To be grateful that we have discovered how to come from love therefore creating a loving world around us.

I surround you in the humility of learning, growing and surrendering to the truth in your heart.

Day 112: Finding Guidance Through the Action of Service

2010-07-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

Today at the gym I was compelled to speak to this young man, roughly 27yrs old, in a wheelchair. I have felt this need to talk to him before, but haven't acted on it because I didn't want him to think I was feeling sorry for him or anything like that. Every time I see him he seems sad and I can feel his frustration.

Today though, I had a perfect excuse to introduce myself. I wanted to show him how the Power Plate works on building muscle fibers simply through vibration. At first he was a little put off, but then I showed him how it works and helped him put his legs on it and when I turned it on his face lit up with a big smile. WoW! I have no idea how it felt to him or how much feeling he has in his legs or what has occurred in his life, but today something different happened.

Reaching out to people in kindness and in what may seem to be the smallest or most simple ways can mean everything to someone else. I know in my life there have been some pretty significant moments in time when the caring of a perfect stranger changed the course of my life forever.

"The fragrance always remains on the hand that gives the rose." Gandhi

We have such grand power within our love to really affect change on so many levels. First of all the reaching out I did, made me feel so good and I could tell that people around were recognizing the motion I was making to show love. The ripple effect of our actions is much greater than we can ever know.

I know you have felt the deep feeling to say something to a perfect stranger and ignored it. I also know that you have had the experience of following this feeling and expressing what was in your heart. Compare the two by feeling. It is stifling to ignore this feeling, which I believe is the God energy within us using us to heal/guide others and ourselves through perfect right action.

I believe that I have to follow it every time in order to be in alignment with my path. When I speak to someone who's life is in a mess and they are desperate to make a change (like I have been many times in my lifetime) one of the first things I tell them that has helped me the most, is to take the focus off of themselves and to be in service from love. There is nothing like the feeling of being in service out of love. It is the BEST, BEST, BEST!!!

To receive divine guidance only comes by allowing the god energy to work through us.

For a good part of our lives we walk around questioning what we should do or what our path is in life or what it is all really about... what happened today is a perfect illustration of allowing it all to happen by being in service. It is through service that we find God/Our true selves and relinquish the swirling state of the ego mind focused on me, me, me.

I ask for the information to come through me. I ask, "what does this person need right now?" The answer always comes and naturally works through me - could be through a jester of kindness, a smile, or simply a prayer for them. I ask, "How can I be of service for the highest good of all?" The answer may be in a form of action for others or it may simply be by making good choices in each moment in my own life.

Trusting that whatever comes as a knowing in our hearts, is the guiding force. And by making the effort to stay connected on a daily basis, are the keys to living a guided life.

How do I know it is guidance talking and not my ego? Good question. It is only through recognizing the differences in our feelings that we begin to know for sure. But the knowing feeling is a feeling that is directly connected to our source and feels different, we just describe both as feeling when there is a distinct difference. I for instance will get an overwhelming knowing feeling in my in my heart, making my heart beat a little faster. My mind (ego) will try to come up with excuses not to follow the knowing feeling - this is natural and will become less and less once we continue to follow the knowing feeling. If we are doing something to gain recognition or to look good in the eyes of others - this is pure Ego in action. STOP and reconnect to your heart when this happens - I refer to it as dropping down from the head to the heart.

It is only through silence that we can truly connect with our heart and differentiate a feeling from a knowing. I have discovered that once we get into the habit of doing this practice we begin to understand/learn the differences between a feeling and a knowing, between the heart and the ego. This is TRUE POWER!

We can make such a huge impact on the entire world by simply asking how we can be in service. I know a lot of people out there with a lot of time on their hands, out of work doing things just to keep busy. Imagine for a moment, the impact we can make if we simply shift our focus on how we can be in service...

Is there a cause that you love or feel drawn to? We can all spare a few minutes/hours a week? Or maybe there is someone you know or a family we could bring food or other resources to...maybe it is someone in your own family? Just some simple ideas to change lives and especially our own.

"The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity." ~Leo Tolstoy

Here's to being in service to giving from love and receiving the ultimate payment of direct connection to the divine guidance that is working within us all the time and allowing it to come forth through taking perfect right action.

I encourage us all to get out of our own heads and allow the divine to work through us, the ripple effect is infinity and beyond!!!

I surround you in the power of relinquishing the ego mind to allow something greater to work though you today...shifting the course of humanity forever.

Day 111: Lookin' for Love In All The Wrong Places...

2010-07-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

Lookin' for love in too many faces... Do you remember this one? Kenny Rodgers I believe it was.

A couple of nights ago I was having a conversation with a 20 year old girl and I was thrown back in time to a very unstable and insecure outlook on life, love and my purpose in it all. Although, I knew in my heart there was more, I was searching out there for someone to bring it to me.

And many brought lots of things to show me myself and to grow me in the understanding of what is inside of me. I remember not too many years ago, my dear friends were about to get married, we were out to dinner and I just burst into tears. Feeling sorry for myself wanting so badly to find that ONE person to share myself with. Shortly after that I let go of it and he did come to me seemingly out of nowhere.

Fast forward 5 years... I understand how important it is to have true love because it opens up that place inside of us that is connected that is divinity. But that is not him necessarily- he is responsible for helping me open to it. We have to be so vulnerable to give our whole hearts to someone that it creates this channel to spirit. I believe this is where the confusion in relationship lies. It is not the person it is the spirit coming through and connecting us to our God self with in - where the deep longing for love began in the first place.

Being born into the idea of separateness creates a longing to reunite with that divine love we feel a memory of in our hearts. True love and unconditional love can bring back this feeling of Unity and reunite us to our higher selves/God-self. Not confusing personality with the spirit is key to a healthy relationship with our selves and those in our lives.

This gal was telling me how all of her friends are getting married and having families, I nearly choked. YIKES!!!, I thought out loud. She said, "Aren't I supposed to have more by now?" Wow! that's when I went back in time to watching my friends getting married and thinking that I wanted that too. I didn't though, what I really wanted was to connect to the greater love within me(God/Spirit/Higher-Self).

It is a spiritual longing not a physical lacking.

As I am getting to know myself on this deep level I am discovering so much about the confusion regarding physical desire, love, companionship with the spiritual connectedness that the truth in the physical love may be fostering. The two are so tied together it is easy to get lost in the emotion of the physical rather than the unconditional love of the spiritual that is the real truth and Unity we so desire.

It is only natural to desire the thing which we can see, touch and hold, but it will always be empty without the spiritual connection and the freedom that this truth of divine love brings.

Our physical relationships are in place to teach us who we are and how to let go enough to really grow that connection to our spirit/true selves. Every relationship is a reflection of ourselves, learning to love that reflection no matter what it is reflecting is the opportunity to tap into the greatest love we will ever know. This love is never insecure or fearful of being alone because fear cannot live in the light of true love and in unity/oneness there is no separateness to feel alone. It is complete.

I surround you in the completeness of the divine love inside of you longing for your connection to be open. I see you opening to it and embracing the truth that God is Love and resides within each of us.

Day 110: Ear To Soul

2010-07-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

This morning in my meditation I asked to have more energy and what came to me was Eat Less. It took me a moment to put it together, I mean it's not like I eat a whole lot. Although, when I feel tired during the day I will usually eat something to help lift my energy. So, I will listen and work on not eating - instead I will drink more water or move my body.

The answers are all there within us if we choose to tap in, ask and listen.

These are all on par as far as importance goes, but asking seems to be the most powerful one that is left behind all too easily. What happened the last time you asked for something? I find that whatever I ask for comes to me in one way or another. There is a duality in asking that can negate the whole process and that is receptivity. If we are not equally open to receiving the answer we are asking for then we will miss it all together and we will think it never came, but really we simply could not see it.

"Ask and you shall receive."
~Luke 11:9-12

...if you are open to receive (is in the fine print;)

Listening is tied very tightly to receptivity. Many times when we ask we have an idea of what we want to happen and when it doesn't come to us in that preconceived way, we are limiting our source from providing us with greater possibilities than we can imagine now in our current mindset. Listening and receptivity require us to remove the ego from the mix and allow everything to become a possibility.

Staying open for the answers is letting go of all preconceived ideas and attachments. It is saying to ones self "I am ready to really take in whatever comes and process it". I didn't get 'eat less' at first, but I did after I allowed it in and really rolled it around inside of me like working out a puzzle.

What also came to me was balancing my Thyroid. So, while in meditation I took the energy to my throat and asked for my thyroid to be balanced. I actually felt a tickle in my throat while doing this, that made me cough. I got the chance to see an ultrasound of my aunts thyroid while she was in the hospital so, I had a great visual to add.

Our bodies are energies vibrating at all different frequencies. Tapping into a place where we can actually interact with these frequencies by altering our thought and vision we can restore natural balance. It's a little like playing make believe yet, it is so real.

Listening and creating are most powerful when utilized together. Attaching true listening capabilities to the power of our natural creating ability and WOW... we've got it! This is when we are really in alignment, when we become ONE and disappear as a body and are completely centered in Spirit or our God-self. Our bodies may not physically disappear but we feel as if they have on this level of manifestation or co-creating.

I am fascinated by this feeling and can really see how the Yogi's and Monk's meditate for days on end, they have disappeared to themselves and have come into Union with God. In this place there is no hunger, pain, worry, distress... only love and feelings of Bliss.

Today I surround you in the alignment with spirit and the ability to relinquish the self and hear the inner knowing speak, guide and harness your natural born greatness.

Day 109: The Art of Possibility

2010-07-18T10:16:00.000-07:00

Well, big things are happening and I am dreaming bigger. I painted portraits at a big event at the Seelbach Hotel on Thursday and it could not have gone better. I feel a tremendous sense of gratitude as I see the inner workings of the Universe/God/Spirit working in my life. It is all so beautiful, so perfect.

I haven't written due to a week of computer issues, but I believe those are also now resolved. Magic is happening all around me even in the moments of dullness and things not working, I must remember those are part of the magic. It is easy to look at our lives and think that there is no magic because of this or that, but if our focus is on the this or that, how can we create more magic to enter?!

Anything is possible!

I have also come to understand that silence, giving, gratitude, focus and action are the most important energies when backed by love/Unity/Oneness. I was parked today at Thorton's Gas Station helping my Uncle out and while I was sitting there watching everyone enter/leave I marveled at the fact that they are all a part of me and what make me who I am. So, I thanked them all in my heart.

"Life is a field of unlimited possibilities."
~Deepak Chopra

There really is an art to seeing the possibilities with our attitude and how we view our world. I have been really working on my visualizations, my thinking and my gratitude. It is an art that anyone can become adept in with some practice. I have been spending a lot of time and energy focusing on the magical side of life to work with me....and it is working! Things are coming to me in unusual ways, orchestrating behind the scenes to support my vision.

Silence is the place where we get to connect with the all knowing oneness that is within us. I have experimented with not meditating after getting into the practice of it and it was a noticeable difference in how everything in my life flowed. It was like riding a bicycle cruising along then all of a sudden only being able to cycle with one leg. Silence is our direct connection to the divine that is inside of everyone!

Giving from love is actually giving to ones self. Service is connecting with God, being in the flow of life.

Gratitude is the glue. Gratitude as a state of consciousness is making for certain that we move from a place of love always and that we see how everything is connected and cohesive.

Focus is where we choose to put our attention. The way I look at it, is where I choose to place my focus better be on what I want to draw in because whatever I am focusing my energy on is multiplying.

Action is crucial. I love action because it snuck up and bit me. I was doing everything but leaving out consistent action towards the things I wanted to create. I learned that pointed action actually cancels out fear and negative thoughts. The directed action creates a cumulative motion towards a vision.
It is Sunday and as I begin to plan my magical week, I encourage you to put some energy behind yours too.

What would you like to see happen this week? How is your focused energy helping or hindering this vision? Would it be worth it to spend sometime putting some creative energy and action towards it?

Anything can happen and we play the most important role in the process!!! This is the exciting part:)

Let's step up to our lives with a creative attitude of co-creation with this magical force we call God. Let's experiment with removing our fear with action in the direction of our visions. Let's practice viewing the world around us and all of the events as a part of who we are and love, forgive and give thanks for all that has brought us to this point. We are filled with infinite possibilities.

I surround you in the possibilities that are you.

Day 108: Shaping My Road

2010-07-14T08:05:00.000-07:00

In all that I know, all that I am and all that I am becoming still there is this physical-ness that at times encumbers the forward motion of my spirit and between the two is the mind, my mind. Taming the wild beast....

Well, I have really gotten the message as my experiments with numbing out have shown me that I don't want that side anymore and I am not in need of it anymore. Last night it actually made me sad that I chose to. In the midst of my escape, I felt my higher self pulling me towards the divine side of myself, yet there was this weight keeping me from the full experience of the divine that I get through meditation. It was so very clear in a most impactful way, that I must always choose the divine moving forward, leaving behind the weight of numbing out, which for certain actually holds me down.

"It ain't easy bein' cheezie!" ~ Cheetos Cat

When we choose to step off into the world of truth and following our own path we are most certainly met with resistance. Self resistance as I have described above and the resistance of those who know only the social aspects of our outer self/ego self. Change towards the inner knowing and wisdom freaks people out, the ones who need you to be a certain way to justify their own behavior choices. I have gotten past a lot of this with people and not being around a lot of old friends makes it easier.

I think it is too easy to get down on ourselves. In fact, I felt myself begin to judge my choices and I quickly stopped myself. Last night taught me something new about what I really want. It helped me to create and thicker skin when it comes to my mental discipline. And above all I actually felt it holding me back like a literal weight on top of my head keeping me down. WOW!

We are human. We are going to change everyday in a million minute ways and we are going to struggle at times to stay connected, to choose on the level of who we are becoming and make choices from where we are coming from (our old selves). This is natural and in NO way means that anything is wrong or that we can't do it. I think these are the points along the journey where a lot of people give up on their path to a higher discovery within. Mainly because there is this idea that once you decide then there you are. Well, wouldn't that be nice!!! It is a process that must saturate so many layers of who we were, are now and are becoming. This is why we have to go through some of the same lessons over again in a different areas of ourselves before we really get it.

We must stop taking ourselves so seriously and really experiment with changing/expanding our attitudes, perceptions, mental capacities and take responsibility for this process towards spirit which is called our life. We must love ourselves through this process and see ourselves as God sees us.

We contain the information of the entire Universe in a single drop of blood. Is there still a question of our power?!

There is no need to put ourselves down or become judgemental of our own process! There is nothing more detrimental - this is the same energy as self pity. We have to love ourselves and use what we may deem as lateral movement to fuel our next choice propelling us forward.

I have been listening to Wayne Dyer's book Living an Inspired Life, he is a great example of someone who continues to transcend his humanness by choosing spirit.

I am really interested in forwarding my visions for myself, with action and time spent in gratitude for the manifestations that I know are already in the making. Spending time in my mind and on paper to really flush out my visions and what the feeling is behind them...visualizing and INTENDING them into being. And I always ask to be guided in service through everything I do. Gratitude is the binding agent.

And I trust that even the times we are diverted from forward movement that it is part of the process and could be an integral part of our growth in truth. Trusting the process and the power of the mind to choose the unfolding is a crucial combination and a fine balance. The actions we choose to take are shaping the the road we are walking.

I will continue to get out of my own way and when I stumble or get weak in my choices I will get back up and choose again always loving myself as God does and trusting in my own unique process.

I surround you in mirrors of God's infinite an non judging Love and Oneness, that you may see yourself as God sees you...a perfect expression of that infinite all knowing Love - NO MATTER WHAT.

Day 107: Self Pity - The Silent Killer

2010-07-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

The rain can hold a sense of melancholy that once rattled loose inside can create it's own storm. In reading The Power of Silence, Carlos Castaneda brought not only intent to my attention in a new light, but also self pity.

"Self-pity is the real enemy and the source of man's misery." ~Carlos Castaneda

I guess I just never really paid much attention at all to self pity. It is sort of a silent creeper saturating thought and before you know it everything is spiraling down. After reading and having more of an awareness around self pity, to my astonishment I began to notice it seep into me. Even in small doses it is lethal and very hard to detect unless you are aware of how it opperates.

WOW, I feel like I have new vision! I feel as if I have a new shield of protection by just simply having a new awareness around self pity. We all allow it to happen to feel sorry for ourselves for the silliest things - most of which is from childhood and is habitual thought patterning that we don't even notice until we shine the light on it.

To see it at work within me was quite shocking. I for the most part am a pretty positive, optimistic person with the occasional blues. I had no idea how self pity had been working against me all day long...for how long? It goes unnoticed most of the time because it is linked to our self image or self importance (EGO-self).

"Self Importance is self-pity in disguise." ~Carlos Castaneda

Defined by dictionary.com: Self pity is : pity for oneself; especially a self-indulgent dwelling on one's own sorrows or misfortunes.

Now the trick is that self pity may be attached to certain words, feelings or situations still occurring in the cycle of our life. We have all indulged in self pity and fed our ego's. I used to give myself one day to wallow, but now that I am aware of the detrimental power of self pity I don't think even a moment is in order!

The only way out of self pity is to release the illusion of our self importance and self image. Yes, it is possible. Our self importance becomes blown up from our idea of separation, that it is us against the world...You come into this world alone and you leave alone... you know what I am talking about. It is all a lie. It is our Ego against us!!

Relinquishing the of idea self importance and the idea of separation long enough to really experience Unity of the whole will instantly change everything. When I came to Kentucky last year, I was worn out - the stress of separation had taken it's toll. I really thought I had no where else to go, it was a very dark feeling to feel so alone. The turning point was the generosity of my Aunt and Uncle welcoming me and yet there were still many days that I allowed self pity to overtake me. Until, one day I WOKE UP (certainly not without all the inner work). I really had an awakening. Finally, all of the things I had been studying and practicing over the years sunk in, took root and rose up inside of me. I felt connected to everything so intensely that there was no mistake Unity was my new stepping off point.

I believe it is the sole reason I have embarked on this journey and why I will never stop. In a place of Unity I can see God in everything and in everyone. My work is to grow the Unity within so large that there is no room for anything else especially the self indulgence of self pity and the idea of separation.

The way I have been watching for self pity is that I have become hyper sensitive to any low vibration feelings and when I feel them, I turn the volume of my thoughts to high and I listen. And when I hear self pity, I laugh as if in a game of hide and seek - "HA, I caught you!" No self pity allowed in here anymore.

I surround you in the freedom of Unity awaiting for us all to cast out the idea of separation/self importance/self pity that holds us hostage from the Oneness within.

Day 106: Moving From Love IS Really All That Matters

2010-07-09T22:10:00.000-07:00

Well this last couple of weeks, seemingly like a month and passing like a full day, leave me here nearly 2 weeks from writing and with good news regarding my Aunts health. Thank you all for your concern, well wishes and prayers.

I got totally out of my routine and out of wack as a result. I really notice a huge difference when I am not meditating on a regular schedule. I get irritable, I have little to no will power and feel tired more than not. I am getting back to somewhat of a normal routine and working at staying focused:)

I've been reading Carlos Castaneda's book Power of Silence, where the main character must learn to shift his assemblage point which will then shift his consciousness. His book's are based on his own tutelage in the shamanic traditions. I started to look, in meditation, for my own assemblage point and found it around my lower left rib cage. It is very interesting the assemblage point is thought to be the vortex or epicenter of the human energy field. If it is not located in the center of our energy field it is thought to cause all sorts of dis-eases or imbalances.

In his book Carlos Castaneda makes it clear that in order to move the assemblage point to the heart chakra, the center or where ever needed one must intend for it to move and be clear enough to do so as well as noticing it's shift.

I love that it sounds so simple. In his book he even says that it is the most simple and complex thing you will ever do. The message for me is in the intending. Most of us keep our intentions layered by the lies we tell ourselves unconsciously. Setting an intention is where our true power resides.

So, of course I have been playing with my assemblage point in my meditation and have actually felt a shift twice! There must be something to it. I pulled this picture below from the first website I found on the assemblage point - so I am not saying that I trust this source, but it is interesting and worth a good look in my own being. I am not interested in what people deem scientific. I believe in a magical world where anything we believe is possible.

I believe that with our intent to move from our hearts without judgment is the place where we will always find our source and our well being. Whenever I feel out of wack I just remember my heart centered meditation and to go back to "What would love do now?" It always snaps me back into balance.

If my assemblage point has anything to do with my mental ability to achieve a higher state of consciousness then I will work with it to help me get there. I believe that certain things come to us at certain times and that there is a message in it not to be ignored. Whether it be a symbol or a direct message we have to be clear enough to notice the shift it makes within us when we listen.

For me the message was about recognizing my intentions and to intend directly what I want from a loving place.

Am I seeing and listening to the messages? What am I consciously/unconsciously intending? How am I interpreting the world around me? Is it time to shift my perspective to in turn shift my level of consciousness? These are important questions to ask ourselves periodically as we are shifting and moving through new levels of awareness all the time.

This whole experiment I am doing with myself has helped me so much in understanding that my capacity for tapping into the love that exists naturally within me is the key to the universe and to all the questions I used to ponder. Getting out of my own way has been my largest challenge! Usually it is in making rote or habitual choices rather than stopping myself to choose at the new level of awareness and not from an old level. Also, I have to watch how I am protecting myself from the energies around me - vibrations are strong and can pull another vibration to it's level.

Thank you for being patient and for following this journey. I will continue forward on a regular writing schedule. I noticed that without writing I felt less grounded in what is really going on. My suggestion to you today is to consider writing in a journal or a notebook or on your computer - it really helps to get clarity.

I surround you in the magical messages that once listened to will fill your heart like a balloon and allow you to see from above - all that is below and how little it all matters. Moving from Love is really all that matters.

105: Abandoning What Works...WHY??

2010-06-28T10:52:00.000-07:00

My Aunt has been in the hospital for several days with severe back pain due to a terrible kidney infection. It has been very difficult to watch her writhe in pain even while on pain medication! I don't like hospitals and I especailly don't like the hoops they make people jump through to receive proper or even decent care. You really have to get tough to get what you need.

I have not been able to do much or think of much knowing she is in unbarable pain so, I have spent most of my days there with her. It has been all consuming. After six days with no results and four hospital days with very little being done to figure out what is causing all of this pain, my patience is decreasing as her pain continues to increase. I even resorted to having a glass of wine last night to take the edge off!

As you may have gathered from many previous posts that I prefer vibrational medicine when applicable, but really I am for co-operative care not necessarily alternative. I believe like in my Aunt's case there is a definite need for pain medication, tests, IV and the people to aid her in getting up and down. I wish a place existed where they do all of that as well as consult with energy medicine doctors for a more comprehensive total care --> Co-operative care.

Reflecting last night over the last several days, I noticed that I pretty much (not totally) abandoned what I know works! Have you done that in a stressful situation? I have been so focused on making sure the doctors and nurses are doing what they are supposed to be and getting lost in my own fear and mistrust that I have forgotten my power over it all!!! And so has she. When we are in pain it takes over and we go to a baseline of being which is pure survival. Everything else seems to go out the window.

As of right now I choose to take my power back and use my tools, my power to ensure her wellbeing. Last night in her agony, I told her in full confidence that she was going to get through this, she replied, "I am? to I AM". Sometimes we just need enough help believing to gather up the strength within to choose it. Pain can make our minds go in bizarre places. As it will for all who are close by as well.

My Tools: My inner knowing, visualization, meditation, energy techniques and focusing on what I want to create.

My focus the last few days had been on what they weren't doing rather than switching my visualiztion to seeing them doing everything they could to figure out her problem and relieve her of this tremendous pain. Last night I did my inner work. Seeing the hospital staff so attentive to her needs and making her comfortable. Seeing the doctors taking initiative to rule out all possibilities as they work to complete the puzzle. Seeing the doctors being actually loving and sincere. Seeing her smiling and having no more pain. Seeing the tramas of her past released with this pain leaving her clear and centered.

Then of course, I woke up late this am and instead of meditating I flew out of here straight to the hospital, where I was greeted with her pain --->through the roof. I got so angry and voiced it only to my Aunt and told her that I was going to get ugly in a minute if 2 things were not resolved. And it seemed like a dance as the issues were resolved right before my eyes within 30 minutes. I didn't have to get ugly what I wanted seemed to naturally fall into place with the next two people who entered her room. I also witnessed a doctor acting with the loving sincerity I had visualized!

I felt so much more powerful and in control when I was really using my intention and my tools to bring about a better state. Now of course my turning myself back around to what I know works and away from feeling out of control lost in the pain and fear/mistrust was a small yet, significant role in the shift that occurred. My Uncle, boyfriend and cousins have been voicing their disappointment to the hospital regarding her treatment. So, I believe today it all came together in a good way. My cousin even said out loud what I had been telling myself just last night which was "we need to focus on the positive". It is so simple yet so powerful.

Why do we abandon our bag of tricks when the goin' gets tough? I believe it is not conscious that it is reverting back to basic or baseline survival - kill or be eaten. We then must use our consciousness to re-select a higher path and recognize the mere power of our intent and focus. I sure have and continue to be led through example after example in my own life.

I surround you in the loving power of your intent to create the results that you focus upon.

If you would, please send loving, healing energy to my Aunt...Thank you:)

Day 104: The Reorganizing Power of Intent

2010-06-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

A whole week has passed in a blurr of excitement followed by collapsing rest. I landed my first commercial here in KY, which shot on Monday in my home town of Lexington. It was fun and I discovered again that I really am in my element on a set. Looking back to the sequense of events that got me the job I am led once again to my own intent shaping the corse of my life choices.

Crazy! Had I kept my intent strong and confidently focused on landing the principle role - I would have had it. I didn't though I shifted, I didn't think I did a good job at all on my audition mainly because my back went out that day and I was in pain. So instead of keeping my intent strong and focused - it broke. As it turns out I was chosen for the prinicple role, but then a chance run in with the Assitant Director and another actor who'd they have worked with before changed the order of things. Although, I was who first changed the order of things with my shift in intent.

"Intent is the force in the Universe that changes and reorders things or keeps them as they are." ~ Carlos Castaneda

I allowed old insecurities around previous experiences with acting to encumber my results, which I believe stemmed from being in physical pain. Such a great lesson and this time so easy to see as if it all happened in slow motion. Because I see it so clearly I am confident that next time I will be able to learn this one without going through the let down of my own actions/or my thoughts in this case. Learning over and over in every instant that I am the one moving the pieces on the board of my life.

This to me is so very exciting because if I can learn to control my thoughts and stay connected, I can know what true power is more than not. I have glimpses all the time, which tells me I am getting closer to the magic of life that is only out of our reach because we put it there with our limited scopes.

To be the scocerer/alchemist of my own life is not a fairy tail but the absolute truth. Embracing these notions, opening myself to look behind the curtain/veil of perception into a place of non-dimension where thoughts materialize instantly and I am shown the inner workings of this magical Universe. Seriously blowing my mind!

So, the trick is to learn to read intent especially our own and then learn to shift our intent and the intent of others with our love. It is so wild, but it actually works. I think it also helps to really think of ourselves as magical beings capable of using the reorganizing power of intent. Have you ever come across a person who you feel has mal intent towards you when they don't evne know who you are?! Remember in an earlier post when I described the man who I thought had intent to kill me? At first fear blasted through me, but then I thought how can I turn this around? So, I began by surrounding myself in a golden protective light where only love can pass through and I began sending him unconditional love and forgiveness.

We have the power within us to balance all that comes into our space. I can see that everyone and everything that enters my world has a piece of me within. This recognition of oneness is what Universe means, we are not sepearate from the totality of the whole. In making this connection we can learn to accept that which is happening and decide to correct or rebalance it in a loving direction that is more condusive for all to live a happy life--->That is MAGIC!!!

"Intention is the core of all conscious life. Conscious intention colors and moves everything." ~Master Hsing Yun

I challenge us all to play with this power of intent in our own lives to discover the magic that is just sitting there waiting for us to understand how to utilize it as a resource that never depletes.
Let's watch ourselves more closely and discover our true intent behind our words, ideas and actions. Is my intent in alignment with who I am becoming? Am I authentic and moving from a place of love with my intent? How can I wield my power of intent to work in a loving way through all areas of my life?

Good Stuff! And so very exciting!

I surround you with my loving intent for you on your path to discovering your true magical power.

NAMASTE

Day 103: Focused Attention

2010-06-16T08:56:00.000-07:00

The air is weighted, thick like oatmeal and surprisingly delightful as an unexpected coolness in the breeze washes the promise of rain over me. It is today that again I must remind myself of my greatness, of my ability to create whatever I want, which then leads me to the initial panic of... "What do I really want to create?!".

"The indispensable first step to getting the things
you want out of life is this: decide what you want."
~Ben Stein~

I think I avoid answering this question specifically, which I am learning is getting me nowhere faster. I have broad and general compass of where I am going and what I want and as you know, it changes depending on what opportunities present themselves. So, I guess my internal cut off point is somewhere between my flexibility to go with the flow and the vastness of that scope.

Time to reign it in and make some specific choices. Whoa! I, once again must get tough with myself as my monthly planning that I started in January did not make it past March. What happened to those specific goals? Why didn't they stick? I know why... I was not passionate about them.

I believe in order for me to get going with something and stick with it, I have to be passionate about it because that is what will drive me. I think back on starting my art school and how that really snowballed because I loved it. What I am passionate about right now is my internal work and writing about it. I just realized this after going through the feelings of being behind on all the things I wanted to do. I work hard at never getting down on myself for this though. Things in life change very quickly and evolve into other things.

The most important things I have recognized about myself is that I have to go towards the passion and I must pay attention to what I am learning about myself and utilize this new information across all areas of my life. I cannot make myself feel passion where it isn't. I had doubts when I first set out to do an art show in April - this was a red flag. If there are doubts out of the gate those must be dealt with and really looked into before setting it as a goal. Where is the doubt stemming from? Is it fear or is it lack of desire? As it turns out it is really lack of desire for me right now. I must be true to myself, spreading out in too many areas, which I love to do, also needs to be reined in.

"My success, part of it certainly,
is that I have focused in on a few things."
~Bill Gates~

I need to focus my attention right now on the areas where I feel most connected. And that is to my writing and my study. So, finishing my book is a natural tie in to my passion. I want to really ride the wave of my passion by being more directed in my use of it's energy.

Just because we know how to do lots of things doesn't mean we should spend our energy doing them all!

Are there areas of your life where you need to reign it in as well? Do you feel like you are too spread out in your focus? Is there focus?

What we put our attention on g r O W S...

Where is my focus? Where can it be redirected to have more power towards things I am passionate about right now? And how does that support my larger vision for myself? What can I get excited about growing in my life?

WOW! It has definitely got me working at creating a new regimen that only incorporates those things. I believe that because we are changing constantly that we have to consistently reorganize, re-evaluate and redirect our energies to best support the flow of our passion, while incorporating our new understandings of ourselves and the world around us.

Let's get focused and see what happens! This is what I am doing today: Decide what I want. Make a list of 3 areas of focus (1.Spiritual/Inner work/study 2.Writing 3. Physical Body). Then creating a map or daily regimen that focuses on these and then see how that focused attention affects my passion. Life is an experiment so let's get to the experimenting and making the most of our time here!!!

I surround you in the flow of your focused attention allowing your greatness to expand exponentially.

Day 102: Recalibrating to My True Balanced State

2010-06-15T07:04:00.000-07:00

I have been in a lot of pain with my neck and back over the past 5 days (and really for years). Yesterday, I went to see a homeopathic doctor who works with an EPFX machine, which analyzes any and all stresses in the body picking them up by the frequency. Then it sends back the healthy frequency of whatever is in high stress to raise it's vibration to a healing vibration. It was the first time I have ever had the use of this technology and it blew my mind!!!

It picked up on emotional traumas - giving a read out of the ages; causes of certain stress- like holding onto emotion of memory; was able to correct a vertabrae in my neck that I know had been out of alignment for years; it scanned my organs found and eliminated bacterial infections, parasite, horomonal imbalances --->All with vibration!!

In my meditation this morning I could even feel that the sound or feeling of my body was operating at a different speed or resonance. I woke up with no neck or back pain and a new mental state, which I believe is due to balancing hormones and waking up without any real pain. Yesterday after getting the treatment, I felt somewhat off kilter as if I had been on roller skates and had just taken them off.

Sometimes we are so used to being out of balance that the state of imbalance then becomes our norm - the place we call balanced. We are so adaptable we don't even realize that we are in pain in some areas because it has been there for so long. So, when I got energetically realigned it felt like imbalance rather than balance. The new imbalance is the real balance that I must retrain my body to recognize as the norm.

I think this also happens in our relationships, the way we treat ourselves and allow others to treat us. We must spend real time recalibrating and finding our true norm or a new one that serves us better!

I noticed that when my physical body was in pain and my hormones out of whack, that I was mentally not the same person (dugh). I was unable to get myself to do much at all, just keeping my thoughts positive was like paving a highway in the hot sun. It was brutal! We have to be careful how we use labels though when we go into places like this because I believe labels give us a resting spot in the muck and carry their own vibration that often is adding to the muck.

If I had just resided that I was 'depressed' then I may have created more trouble for myself getting out rather than working to find a solution to lifting myself out of that heavy yucky place. I noticed that all I wanted to do was numb out - this is a red flag!!! I have programmed myself to see this as a red flag. Although I did allow myself to watch to much, eat too much and lay low, some of it is what I needed but too much of it would have prolonged the yucky mental state...which would create who knows what to come in!

Last night in meditation I asked all of my entities, archetypes, hero's, grandparents and all the powers that be, to help lift me. We can't think we can always do it alone. Many times we need to call on friends, family, those in spirit and service providers to help. We have to take charge for ourselves because there isn't anyone who can do it for us. And we can't sit back and wait for it all, action leads to more action and idleness leads to more idleness. We have to make a move, any move towards solution brings it closer.

I am happy to report that I took the correct action and it worked for me! Sometimes though it takes many layers of actions until we are able to see the solution was in all of the actions.

"It is only through retrospect that our story is
told."

I am not sure why we have a tendency to visualize our path as a straight road leading into the sunny horizon. This sets us up for all kinds of disappointment. What if we saw our path as a mountain climber looks at a set of cliffs? or a road through valleys and peaks. I think we'd be a lot more flexible when the valleys are deep and dark, knowing that the peaks are coming and that the views are exponential. I believe that without the valleys we don't know our peaks and without our peaks we would believe that the valleys are our constant/our balancing point, when in fact our true reference for balance has always been the peak.

We must learn to train ourselves to calibrate in a new way. I certainly am getting it slowly but surely:) And staying true to the habits that keep me connected to the source really help.

What is your balanced state? Can you create this feeling in your body? Is your current point of balance actually pain? What does real balance feel like in your body can you remember? How can you bring yourself back there on a daily basis?

I have recorded this new state of being balanced with the action of touching my thumb and forefinger together on both hands. I have trained myself that every time I touch those fingers together that I will comeback to this feeling that I have now. This is an NLP technique that you can try with many different things you are working on. Try it and see how it works for you. Also, in a relaxed state fill your body with the feeling of your true balance and this will remind your muscles and cells - do it daily many times if you can. Even better if you can add in a visualization of what you look like in balance, what your energy feels like what your face looks like... have fun with this - it is really a great tool I need to use more.

It is important too that we protect ourselves around those people or situations that tend to throw our balanced selves off kilter - remember the golden egg or bubble:) Only love can pass through. There is only so much you can do about hormones, but if you have the opportunity to get recalibrated on one of these EPFX machines - I highly recommend it! WOW. It really speeds up the work.

I surround you in the awe of your true balanced state and the ability to get back to it at will.

Day 101: Back to Basics

2010-06-12T09:08:00.000-07:00

Nothing like pulling a back muscle to bring everything into perspective. When my body speaks this loudly it is hard to ignore. Ever since my trip to Georgia, I have been off of my normal regimen of meditating 2 times a day, stretching/yoga, working out, swimming and art. I was trying to do too much in the way of work for money rather than my real work. Every time I put that kind of pressure on myself something physical happens to stop me in my tracks.

It is good to actually listen prior to my body reminding me, but I thought I could get away with it by telling myself that on Sunday I'd get back to it. Well as I am writing this, I see how silly it is, but in saying it in my mind it made perfect sense. Although, I really do know better.

It is so easy to get caught up in life as the doer, we inevitably take ourselves out of being the listener - the seer, which we can tap into naturally through our intuition, creativity, vision, and silence.

So, why do we put it off? Why do I think I need to pick one day to begin again? Just start now...dugh! The instant we notice that we are the doer we can switch it right then. Doesn't mean that we stop doing, just means that we are consciously doing and balancing it with listening. I pushed myself to simply get through - which is never good!

It is so important to get back to basics, especially when we find ourselves feeling pushed, overwhelmed or stressed. When I say back to basics I mean to get back to doing the things that make me feel connected, operating from my real self - the part that is connected to everything.

This morning I opened The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire by Deepak Chopra, from the back of course, like I always open paperback books and flipped right to this story in the appendix. I want to share it because it is exactly what I needed to hear today and hopefully it will be for you too. It's all about getting back to basics. I am going to change or shorten the characters names for an easier read. Enjoy...

The story is derived from the one of the greatest Vedantic texts, the Chandogya Upanishad, decribes beautifully coming from the nonlocal/God self.

Thousands of years ago the great Sage, Aruni ,sent his 12yr old son Kir, to a great guru so that the boy could learn deeply about the ultimate reality. For a dozen years Kir studies under his master and memorized all of the Vedas. When he returned home his father noticed that his son acted as though he had learned all there was to learn. So, he decided to ask him a question.

"My learned son, what makes hearing possible, which cannot be seen but makes seeing possible, which cannot be known but that makes knowing possible, which cannot be imagined but makes imagination possible?"
Kir was perplexed and silent.
His father said, "When we know a single particle of clay, all objects of clay are known. When we know a single grain of gold, all objects of gold are known. Can you tell me, my son, what is that one thing which by knowing all can be known?"
Kir replied, "Alas, my master did not give me this knowledge. Will you?"

"Very well," his father said. "Let me tell you. The whole universe is One reality, and that reality is pure consciousness. Pure consciousness is absolute existence. It is One that is not followed by a Second. In the beginning the One said to itself, 'I shall differentiate into the many and so become all the seers and all the scenery.' The One entered into the many and became the Self of each. The beings of all things are the One, and that One is the subtle essence of all that exists. You are that, Kir."

"In the same way bees make honey from the nectar of numerous flowers, but once the honey is made the nectar cannot say, 'I am from this flower, or that' So too, when you merge with your nonlocal/God self you become one with the Self of ALL that exists. This is the true Self of all, and Kir you are that." Kir replied, "Enlighten me more father."

Aruni paused before speaking "The Ganges river flows to the East. The Indus river flows to the West. However, they both ultimately become the sea. Having become the sea they no longer think "I am the Ganges' or "I am the Indus.' So too, my son, everything that exists has its source in the nonlocal/god consciousness, and that Self is the subtlest essence off all. It is the true Self."

"When the body withers and dies, the Self does not die. Fire cannot burn it, water cannot wet it, wind cannot dry it, weapons cannot harm it. It is unborn, has no beginning and no ending. It is beyond all boundaries of space and time, pervading the entire universe. Kir, you are that."
"Enlighten me more father!"

Aruni said, "Bring me a fruit of the nyagrodha tree. Now, break it open. What do you see my son?"
"Tiny seeds, father."
"Break one now."
Kir broke open the tiny seed.
"What do you see, my son?"
"I see that nothing is left, father"

"That which you do not see is the subtle essence, and the whole of the nyagrodha tree comes from it. So too the universe sprouts forth from the nonlocal/God consciousness Self."

Finally, Aruni asks Kir to place a cube of salt into a pail of water. The next day the sage asked his son to give him back the cube of salt.
"I cannot give it back, it has dissolved." he replied.
Aruni asked his son to taste the surface of the water. "Tell me, how is it?"
"It is salty, father."
"Taste the middle, and see how it is?"
"It is salty, father."
"Taste the bottom and tell me how it is?"
"It is salty, father."

"Just like the salt is localized in the cube and dispersed in the water, so too your Self is simultaneously localized in your body and pervading the entire universe."

"My dear son, you do not perceive the Self in your body, but with out it perceptions would not be possible. You cannot conceptualize the Self, but without it conceptualization would not be possible. You cannot imagine the Self, but without it imagination would not be possible. However, when you become the Self and live from the level of this nonlocal/God Self, you will be connected to all that exists, because the Self is the source of all that exists. Truth, reality existence, consciousness, the absolute, God - Call it what you will, is the ultimate reality, the ground of ALL being. And you are that, Kir."

"Live from this level, Kir, and all your desires will come true because from this level they will not just be your personal desires, they will be aligned with the desires of all that exists."

Kir practiced all that he had learned and became one of the greatest seers of the Vedantic tradition.

May we all learn to live from this level and feel our connectedness to all -> all the time.

I surround you in the subtle essence of your true self.

Day 100: Using Synchronicity to Push Past the Monsters of the Mind

2010-06-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

My birthday was fantastic! I believe it was the best birthday ever, not because of what I did and the cool things that happened, but because of how I see my role with creation. My birthday was a testimate to the things I have been practicing. I am learning how to wield the energies of life to create what I want on a very conscious level and seeing the results!

Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer and many others talk about the synchronicities of life as being our messages and our guides. Deepak says to follow them or at the very least be observant of what the message is and what it may mean to you. I like this because I have always seen the coincidences in life, which are the magic sparks leading us to our true hearts desire.

"Events bound by synchronicity are connected by similarity, by meaning, by resonance, rather than by causality. Synchronicity is an acausal connecting principle. Since it goes beyond causation, it goes beyond time and space, and is not limited by such relations." ~Carl Jung

I believe our true hearts desires are resonating within us and giving off a frequency that attracts other things along that frequency to it/us. So, even though we may not consciously be giving it energy it is working behind the scenes with it's own voice. Now certainly, if we choose not follow the coincidences or synchronicities then we are not going towards our hearts but away.

Where is your ture hearts desire trying to lead you? Are you hearing the
messages?

Ever since I can remember I wanted to be an actress. I remember at 8 years old telling my parents that one day they would be watching me on tv. Throughout my life it has come to me in many ways and I have done many things here and there, but I was afraid of it. Until recently... really. Sounds silly, there isn't much I am afraid of, but somehow I allowed this dream to lye dormant for so long that it became the big monster in the closet. Do you have one of those?

When we moved to Los Angeles, I said to Luke casually, "maybe I will pursue acting again." Well, we had no extra cash flow for me to begin. In our building, Luke was doing laundry and met this actress in her 60's, who is quite accomplished, living there as a second home. He told me about her, a long time passed, she and her husband were out of town and when they returned we randomly discovered that we were direct neighbors across the hall! Turns out, of course, that she is an acting coach/teacher. I asked her if I could offer her something in trade - going down the list of things I could offer, she picked massage and hair styling. So, for a year I studied with her in trade and became very close to her. I felt very ready to begin going on auditions, I had my pictures done by a great photographer in LA - also for trade. (BTW - trade is not the norm in LA -no actor has $- just another synchronicity) Then my work ran out there was really no money coming in and my aunt needed help with my grandmother and offered for us to come here to KY, what a blessing.

So, my dream again lying dormant was still sending out it's own frequency... Where I work here, there was a lady who came in from a big ad agency in town and she was talking about this shoot that they did and the actors..blah blah blah. So, I asked her if she could point me in the direction of the best talent agency in town. She did. I had the number for quite sometime before I finally called and made an appointment to meet with the head of the agency on my birthday. (I spelled it all out so that you could see the synchronicities for yourself:)

These little things are always happening around us and we need to become sensative to them and brave enough to act on them. There is a window of opportunity and we have to go for it before the window closes! Taking ACTION is the second most important thing - the first is realizing how you are the co-creator:)

Of course the monster in the closet was shrinking, but I could still sense was there. Luke read me some prayers as I fell to sleep, knowing I had to create what I really wanted to happen. I got up on my birthday and sat outside to meditate. I surrounded her (who I had never met but just briefly on the phone) in my golden light. I connected myself to her at our hearts and created the vision of her accepting me with open arms. I did this with my whole day that everyone I came in contact with would embrace me.

I got really nervous and of course Luke was there to remind me of who I am (Thank God for him) and I went in. She greeted me at the door with another actor who was there to pick up a check and she immediately introduced me as her newest talent! She was so warm and totally embraced me, freeing the monster from the closet forever. Because at that moment she was everything I had imagined in my visualization/meditation. Was she always that way with everyone? Or did I help create her to shift to my frequency?! Well, you know what I believe. I have been playing with this my whole life, but now for the first time feel as if I actually have a real grip on how I am co-creating my life. And really consciously doing it rather than using it as a second thought, I am wielding it to work for me.

What would have happened if I had allowed the monster to weaken me? Or if I chose not to act on it? I probably would not have done the meditation or visualized such a loving and positive experience for myself or had such an amazing day.

I hope you will try this for yourself. I have been doing it lately every morning visualizing what I see coming my way or just simply filling my space with light and everyone who enters it. And as Luke reminded me with the prayers, we must keep our minds in the right place for it to be powerful. I see now how I have canceled myself out so many times in my past with negative thinking. It takes some effort to keep ourselves from going there, but gets easier and easier.

For me this was huge, it was a section of my life where I was not applying what I have learned to be true. Do you do that? I think we all compartmentalize areas of ourselves and we really must work at connecting them all to what we know works and really use it. We are so POWERFUL!!!

I surround you with the strength to really act on the synchronicities in your life, pushing past the monsters of the mind with ease.

Day 99: Darkness Can Become Our Light

2010-06-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

Last night was the first night I have seen and chased lightening bugs since I was 14 years old! I remember all of the smells: the night air thick with wetness as the dew begins to settle and the distinct metallic smell of the lightening bugs left on my sweaty hands. Their magical blinking in the night is as if to tease in a game of hide and seek.

They are a reminder to shine as bright as I can. To seek out the darkness within and to shine my light. The dark sides of our nature - because we encompass everything - tend to be ignored and shamed rather than looked at and let go of. The darkness we see in those around us to some extent resides within. Naturally, if the darkness within is not fed then it will not grow. But also ignored and pushed away can become bigger in our minds as the attention of ignoring is growing it.

I now look at the dark sides of myself with a forgiving and compassionate heart. Letting go of that part of me by recognizing it's presence and choosing a path of love. Because I have grown so vastly over my life time I have noticed the capacity within to also be vast in my reactions/responses/emotions. I choose who I am and who I am becoming in each moment. Moving from love seems like it would always be the easier choice, but when we have so many other parts of ourselves inside who have the memory of all sorts of reactions and behaviors it is sometimes a battle to fight within in order to ultimately choose love.

I may not be proud of past choices I have made, but they have all shown me my capabilities, scaring me on occasion to really decide what, who and how to be. They have all led me to now. I would not change a thing in my past because they have all played a part in who I have become. We are all multi layered and we must be grateful for all of our experiences along our journey. the moment we begin to come down on ourselves with judgement and shame we get stuck in recreating that which we wish to forget. It is only through forgiveness that we honor the divine guidance with in us leading us to our higher selves through this experience of being human.

As soon as we ask to be forgiven we are. We must move forward taking with us our lessons and acting with right action. In this acceptance of our selves, the love that comes through heals all wounds and frees us to shine our light brighter. We are all growing and changing becoming our truer selves everyday with our choices in every moment.

Here is a great meditation for forgiveness that I have used for many years - for myself and for others. You can sit or lay with your eyes closed and bring up any situation or experience where you feel shameful or bad for in your minds eye. Now in that situation see yourself fill with light, then see it spilling over and the entire scene is filled with this light of your love. Thank this situation for teaching you, forgive yourself (I forgive you Sloan for...) and then forgive all those involved or apologize to each person and fill them with your loving light. As you begin to come out of this situation first see it in bright light as it shrinks getting further and further away - until it looks like a lightening bug in the night. Then end with the feeling of love expanding from your heart as a light encompassing the entirety of the world and everything in it.

What we hold onto in anyway will hold us back from the experience of our love light within. The more we can release the brighter we become and more easily moving forward in Right Action from our hearts.

I surround you all in the brilliance of your own bright light, may your forgiveness open and clear darkness leaving more room for love to fill.

Day 98: Your Way IS THE Way

2010-06-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

I have recently gotten some very intense responses on my blog from an individual who has read a couple of posts, which I believe is great! It is also a little disheartening as I really work to share my own experiences and what I am coming to discover within myself - not preaching that my way is the way. I believe there is no one way to God. God is in all and through all.

Unfortunately, this person who is so passionate and full of goodness believes the teachings of the Bible are the only way to God. He/She doesn't believe that God's spirit is in everything. And that the literal interpretation of the Bible is the only way. And that may be... for him/her.

Not for me. And my path will not agree with many readers, but we all have something to gain from eachothers interpretations/perspectives if we do so with an open heart/mind and without judgement. I am not wishing to lead anyone anywhere but within themselves. I loved what this reader had to say and without the judgemental tone and with love it would have reached me maybe in a deeper way.

We are all so very unique and our expression of God's love inside, will vary based on our individuality and life experiences. No one can believe in the exact same way as another - it is impossible!! We all learn and view everything through our own unique perspective. If anything in my blog - I do plead with my readers (and the world at large:) to expand their hearts, opening their perspectives to move from God's love within them. How they get to that love or interpret their beliefs is their choice.

I am about the love, unity, oneness and expanding consciousness. GOD is LOVE. What about this is so difficult to understand or accept? Surely, someone who considers himself or herself a person of God opens their hearts to accept and love all...? I believe we all need to be more accepting and not so closed off when someone else's way is different from ours - because every one's way is . We are all headed in to the same place, we are all of the same, but we through our free will, will choose our own path for getting there. And there is nothing wrong with that:)

I work at remaining very open to my readers chosen paths, which is why I will mention Jesus, Buddha, Krishna and other spiritual leaders of different religions in the same sentence- they are all leading different cultures to the same place!

If there is a Devil, it is the EGO that thinks it's way is The way. It is the ego that starts wars, with the need for power, the need to be right, the need for more and therefore creates and instills the separation, which is tearing our world apart... which is what fallen angel is all about in the Bible.

My journey is mine and your journey is yours. I am recording my journey to be an inspiration to others to also have the courage to really explore their inner - God selves.

I do encourage if you have just begun reading this blog to start at the beginning - it gives a little more background to somethings I refer to currently, which I am writing as if you have been reading with me since the beginning.

I want you all to feel that I support whatever your path may be to God and that is personal. I am simply sharing my journey and hopefully making everyone question themselves, to go deeper within and once in a while passing on some great tools that have worked for me.

It is my goal in life to become so compassionate and so truly understanding that the ego disappears to the extent that only love remains.

I surround you in the UNCONDITIONAL love that is the God within us all - to carry you along whatever journey you so choose with ease and releasing us all from judgement of another's way.

I am so grateful you choose to read my blog and I thank you all for your messages and responses which are always read and welcomed.

NAMASTExoxo

Day 97: Raising Our Children In Unity Consciousness

2010-05-30T06:04:00.000-07:00

I apologize for not writing, I have been in Georgia visiting my brother, sister, nieces and my nephew for the last five days. We had a lot of fun, but it was also a challenge. Being around them has reminded me how our conditioning begins, how the little things become so important, how being right when you're little is a do or die situation and what a challenging job parenting is. It also reminds me of all the things I had to learn to undo as an adult to become emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually healthy!

Side Note: For those of you who know my concerns about my brother, the good news is that he is doing better than I expected. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and wonderful messages - they are working!

My nieces argue incessantly, just like my brother and I did maybe even more. I think it is for attention more than whatever it is they are fighting about as it was for us too. The power struggles of learning early in life seem to be the most severe. The emotional manipulation to get whatever it is that they want is the hardest to deal with. When I say deal with, I mean the hardest not to react to. It is so important in my own work to stay consistent no matter what the circumstances are yet some situations are more challenging than others. I found myself reacting to them as I wore down. I found myself caught in the middle of being a part of their conditioning and wanting to help shift their perspectives towards Unity consciousness, but really not knowing where the balance was.

When I was around their ages, I remember this need to be right. The fighting to be right. The worst thing was to be wrong, to get in trouble or to see my brother win the affection of my parents over me (this is the child's perception)! Sibling rivalry epitomizes the belief of separation. When we are little we are told 'no' more than not. We are given rules that we are punished by to basically keep us alive and functioning in this world as we know it. Our spirits are broken to a certain degree for survival. No wonder we believe in separation, the conditioning is cruel and opposite of the love in unity that is the ultimate. Even though the conditioning is coming from a loving place for the child to grow and be all that they can be.

How do we teach our children how to feel that connectedness and act from
love?

All I know is that it will take a whole lot of patience, time, self work and perseverance!! Especially when the the other side is most prevalent. My nieces and nephew are being raised Christian, so my sister and I talked to them about learning how to respond from emulating Jesus, that they could ask themselves (instead of immediately reacting) What would Jesus do now? And maybe that would help them to get into a more heart centered place...well, eventually:)

Man, parenting is the most difficult job on the planet!!! Especially when you are doing it alone with three little ones. While I was there it was from sun up to sun down. No time to sit and just be in my own mind, unless I was lucky to get up before anyone else heard me (and that was with 3 adults). I do believe my sister needs some sort of a medal!

There are times in life when we have to just push through and this may be that time for my sister, but if we can reach for what we know to be the TRUTH in the moment, not just when things are tough - maybe we would discover the magic more often.

Children need so much direction and action. I thought about how cool it would be to be with them long enough to teach them meditation. To find a serenity in silence. Quiet time is so important especially for children - where they are not in trouble - it is just a time for quieting the mind. Our time together was a whirlwind and I am sure it has a lot to do with my mom and I being there - now they were vying for attention all over the place, not just from mom and dad. The emotional hardship of divorce is the pink elephant and I know this pain is the cause of the neediness for attention that I witnessed. It came out in negative ways from me and my brother too.

Our separation begins when we are born, birth is this traumatic tearing apart from our Oneness with the mother. Then there is the teaching, which is also traumatic. I noticed my 2 year old nephew's face as he approached the counter with his little chubby hands reaching towards pulling down a pan or a knife as we all screamed in reaction. The the father leaving the picture. Then school. Then other people and what they may do. It is crazy when you think about it! It is all in the act of protection and life skills that we prepare our children to survive in this world, which is actually a stripping away of their playfulness and curiosity - their spirit/Godself.

Growing up is hard to do... ooo

Event after event in life we are stripped of our true nature and our spirits loose that connection of Unity, becoming fearful, closed off and alone in the learned belief of separation. So, if it is all an illusion - the circumstances of life and our beliefs shape our illusion instantly, how can we teach our children that their choices in how to perceive even the littlest things is creating what is coming down the pike for them??

Going to church and learning from a book, the teachings of the Bible is
wonderful and important to study, yet it is the exterior - as the language of the Bible is difficult to understand and to children they are stories. How do we help them KNOW and feel that deep inner connection of God, their true nature??

I believe spending time in nature; quiet time to think; letting go of all grievances; teaching meditation; leading by example in our responses; how they are the same as everything they see; that we are all connected to everything; that the energy of God is within us creating through our thoughts and our choices in every moment can all be helpful. And ultimately teaching them that their choices are their true power and that is how they can have whatever they want in the world.

I know it is my purpose in life to help teach this especially to my nieces and nephew, to help shift the consciousness that is beginning from day one of separation and how all of these separations could actually be teaching us of our Unity, bringing us closer to our Oneness, if we were taught to perceive it in this manner early in life.

I pay deep homage to all of the mothers that I know especially my sister and all who may be reading this, to my own mother and to everyone as we learn to mother ourselves. May we rise up to the Unity within and move from there. May we ask for help from Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, Krishna, Martin Luther King, St. Germain, Mother Theresa... any figure we feel connected to for help to rise above our own learned beliefs to connect to the truth of our Oneness with all. I send you all love and strength!

I recognize the Divine within you that is the same within me...NAMASTE

Surrounding you in Unity Recognition: the ability to see your spirit in everything you come into contact with and beyond.

Day 96: Let's Put Some Love Into Small Talk

2010-05-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

Woke up on the go this morning and am just now slowing down to write. It is hot here and sunny, my kind of weather! I notice though where ever I went today, people will complain no matter what it is like outside. Too hot, too cold, too much rain, not enough rain. Uggg! Really, can't we just be happy no matter what the weather is like??

I gather that small talk is important to get into a conversation, but who wants to begin a conversation on a negative?! I certainly don't. We must challenge ourselves to think of positive things to say to our store clerks or at least positive come backs to turn a negative around. Three times this morning I countered a negative with: I love the heat, even the humidity and especially the sunshine! Leaving no room for retort.

What kind of small talk are you allowing in and out?

Small talk ain't so small! It also has the power and energy to shift us in a direction we may not want to be headed. It takes discipline around the power of our words and our agreement or 'buy in' with the attitudes/words of others.

Words have so much power and bigger than our words is our intention behind them. Have you ever experienced someone saying something nice to you but it feels really ugly/bad? Yikes!

I use my golden bubble of light or egg. I imagine/visualize it around me and I say in my mind "Only love can pass through" and it totally works - instantly. Try it.

I've gotten into the habit lately although, I have done it sporadically for many years, to give a blessing or say a prayer in my heart for everyone I come across especially if I feel they are unhappy or having a rough day. I just say it in my mind directed towards them. The intention behind just the blessing/prayer/loving thought is felt instantly.

We have the power to shift the lives of everyone we come into contact with for the better, with very little effort!

Deepak Chopra taught me to always come bearing a gift and most of the time my gift is a blessing, prayer or loving thought for who ever I am coming into contact with. It feels so good to me. I can feel my heart expand each time I do it. The more I give the more able I am to receive the gifts that are all around me.

It is so easy to fall into the habit of becoming one of those people who is complaining about this or that for no reason really, maybe it is to make up small talk... we have to dig a little deeper and choose a better way of connecting with each other. A better way of being in the world.

Let's band together to use our power for goodness. Let's add a little more love into our daily mix! The rewards are astonishing and difficult to explain since they are in the heart. It feels similar to being really thirsty and then guzzling a cold beverage feeling it coating as it rolls down into your stomach and in slow motion satisfying the thirst.

What we give is what we are able to receive. To expand our receptivity let's practice giving more love. We are all so busy and have so much on our plates that is why I choose this practice because this is the type of giving I can do all day long without lifting a finger!

Here is a little prayer for you from Ernest Holmes book Prayer:

LOVE TO THE WORLD
My love goes out to everyone in the world;
I do not exclude anything, for I love all nature and everything that is.
My love warms and lightens everything that it touches, and it goes out into all places.
The love flowing through me is a Power to all who come into contact with it, and all feel and know that I love.
Love within me is Complete and Perfect.
My life is One Love.

I surround you and your families in the golden light of divine love.

Day 95: Forever Young

2010-05-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

Last night I got soooo excited because I just realized with the end of May approaching that it is time for me to announce to everyone I come in contact with that it is my BIRTHDAY week or 2 okay, month! I love my birthday! I don't tell people so they will contribute, I tell them so that they will wish me a Happy Birthday. Nothing feels better than to have others, even perfect strangers celebrating my aliveness and recognizing the accomplishment of getting this far! (the Hawaiian tradition is to celebrate a whole week, I celebrate a whole month - a week is just not long enough!)

My birthday is June 7th. No matter how many years I am counting, I will always love my birthday. I don't limit myself with numbers. It is a time for me to reflect on where I have been and where I am going and how I can be fulfilling my purpose in even a greater way. It is like New Years for me. And because it falls exactly at the half way point it marks a great place to readjust, realign and create new visions for myself.

On my birthday I like to spend some time alone to reflect on my life, to pay homage to my journey. Sometimes I will read through old journals just to remind myself of how far I have come in my thinking and in my love. I don't require a big party, it can be quiet, every year it is different. But forever I will celebrate it and reflect on who I am and who I am becoming.

I am forever young and forever old. I decided a long time ago that I was not going to fall prey to the ego and that how I view my birthday and my ageless self is how it will come to pass. I have been told since I was 11 years old that I have an old soul. I didn't even know what that meant, I just knew it meant that I had something special about me. So, I viewed myself as an old person as well as a young person - with numbers having no part to play.

I believe my soul, my spirit lives on. When my Grandmother, Grammy, passed away I was lying next to her and I felt her spirit, her energy move up through me and I actually looked up to say goodbye/Aloha (Hawaiians never say goodbye - we all meet again at our source) to her. With this belief, I become ageless. I become whatever my my mind believes.

Listen to this song "Forever Young" by Alphaville while you read on:)
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Is it possible to keep our physical bodies young and healthy with our thinking?

Absolutely, we can and there are many that do! Once we buy into a mentality of illness, get absorbed in the vanity of the ego, become needy for attention we are inviting in a destructive mental picture for our bodies to follow suit. I think it is so bizarre when someone even younger than me makes a reference to getting old. Just with these sorts of statements they have begun the conditioning process that ages the physical and limits all possibility.

There have been plenty of studies on this subject proving that the way we think instantly effects a response on a cellular level changing the course of our actual make up physically. This is how we can also heal ourselves by healing our mental attitudes and beliefs. Like I said in an earlier post: Using the mind to cure the physical body is dated 2000 years before Christ in Indian, Chinese and Shamanic teachings that predate Egypt!

"The majority of the healings were actuated by the faith of the sick, not the actions of Christ himself. He stated, "Your faith has made you well." This, importantly, places the power of healing in the hands of the sick, rather than being a supernatural act."
~The Secret Source by Maja D'Aoust and Adam Parfrey

I won't go through all of the examples in the Bible and other spiritual texts, but it is written in black and white yet, still we treat it as if it is voodoo or some sort of black magic! haha... makes me laugh. He was trying to teach that through our belief in Oneness/Unity/God that all disease would be healed because a belief in Oneness (Love/God) at the core of everything, dis-ease cannot exist! He was showing people that they too could heal themselves and others if their belief was pure - clear of doubt. And many before Jesus performed "miracles" even greater than that of what is in the Bible because they understood how to use their minds! They were what I would call Spiritual Alchemists.

Ernest Holmes teaches mental treatment - which is actually healing the way in which we think so that the body can follow.

"In Treatment, we turn away from the condition, because as long as we look at it, we cannot over come it. By thinking upon a condition, we tend to animate it with the life of our thought, and thereby it is perpetuated and magnified. (whatever we put out attention on grows) Treatment is the science of inducing, within Mind, concepts, acceptances and realizations of peace, poise, power, plenty, health, happiness and success or whatever particular need may be. Treatment opens up the avenues of thought, expands the consciousness and lets Reality (what is really REAL) through; it clarifies the mentality,removes obstruction of thought and lets in the light, removes doubt and fear, in the realization of the Presence of Spirit/God." ~from his book Prayer

There are also plenty of stories out there of people in cultures far removed from our thinking about age and although they we up there in the numbers of years they were physically youthful. Or stories of people who are by our standards old who transcend all limitations one would put on an old person. Then there was the study Deepak Chopra speaks of, where a group of elderly people were removed from the everyday and taken back to a time they loved in their youth. The study proved a measurable difference in their physical ability after being submerged in thinking of themselves during that time and totally immersed in that time for an extended period of 10 days.

So, we can decide now not to fall privy to the idea of getting old, to the conditioning and ideas that sell us a packaged fate. Let's choose mental conditioning, to live forever in the mind of youth and the wisdom of our Spirit's agelessness.

I surround you in the ageless wisdom of your Spirit/God Self that is ready to heal the mental and therefore the physical in this instant.

Day 94: How Symbols Can Lead Us Toward Mind Body & Spirit Balance

2010-05-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

The other day I found a fortune on the ground that reads: "Your future is as boundless as the lofty heaven." When I found it I was thinking of my blog as I was making a quick run to the bank then home to write. As many fortunes as I've gotten in my lifetime, I can never remember them being as profound as this one. It sounds like a quote I would have copied for this blog! It is a perfect illustration of how the symbols that come to us, arrive in a way that we will grab hold of them - they stand out to us individually. Because of the timing, phrasing or the way in which they appear in our world.

What are the messages that are arriving in your world?

How do you know what the message is saying to you? This is very individual, I really listen to my intuition on this one and what I have learned about what colors mean or meaning of certain symbols and see if it applies to me. Some messages will be spelled out like this one that I received. Others may be more subtle... a butterfly landing on your windshield; a humming bird flying and hovering nose to nose with you; finding a penny nearly everyday; a shark swimming to where you stand outside the water; a goat stopping your path on the highway; a hummingbird flying into your home; a live ladybug in a never opened bag of salad..crawling up on your fork.... it is really endless. These are just a few that come to my mind that have appeared in my life and with each one there was a profound life understanding made in connection with the symbol.

The symbol may be unrelated to anything going on which is why it stands out and when we get one we must stop and ask ourselves some --guess what-- questions;) Like: what is this symbol telling me?; What does this mean to me?; What am I feeling this could be connected to in side of me?; Is there something that has really been on my mind - could this be telling me something about that? Asking questions to go deeper is really key in every aspect of our lives. and particularly in solving the symbol mystery to gain it's guidance.

Symbols point us toward experiencing the magic of life.

This fortune to me means several more things than it's expression. It means that the focus of our business project is coming to fruition; I am unlimited from here forward, that my heaven is the future which is only the next moment where I can choose to be free; I am not alone that I am being helped along to realize my dreams and to follow them; Inspiration to keep pushing onward and upward. More than anything it is an affirmation to the path I have chosen to dedicate myself to.

I really don't think many of us pay much attention to co-creating with God/Universe. And learning how to see our symbols can help. How we interpret our world has everything to do with how we create it! What kind of an attitude do you typically have in your daily living... is it one of hurry and frustration or is it one of curiosity and joy? What would you like to experience? Whatever we wish to experience in our life is already in front of us before we even form the words to ask. The reason it takes us so long to actually attain the thing is because we have to be able to receive. And often times this is where our work really is spiritually.

You've got the work thing down; pretty good at training your mind to think intelligently and not emotionally; you are fit and leading a healthy lifestyle --- So why isn't everything coming up roses?! Well if the third side of the triangle of life is absent then everything will be off. Mind, Body and SPIRIT. Oh yeah, Spirit. Ahhh, OF Course!.....

But...Uh, how do I build the Spirit side?

This is a natural question even if you feel you have a spiritual side that you are giving attention to because there still may be ways in which through an old mindset you may be negating your progression.

First, we must have an Understanding:

of the force that connects all things (whatever you want to call it is your prerogative)
law of life is a law of thought
Spirit/God can only do for us what we allow it to do through us
The super intelligence, power or force is constantly in operation on the thoughts we put into it
that we are in charge of our lives through our responses, reactions and actions (thought and physical)

Second, we must have an unwavering Faith:

Those who have great faith have great power
in a higher power
in our selves
in each other
erase all doubt or confusion (doubt & confusion delete our power to create what we want and instead will create the picture of our doubt!)

"The thought of faith molds the undifferentiated substance, (force, God,
spirit, universe, higher power..) and brings into manifestation the thing which
was fashioned in the mind." ~Ernest Holmes

“Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof.”
~ Kahlil Gibran

Third, we must Practice:

retraining our minds
silence, prayer and meditation
studying spiritual masters
coming from love
having unwavering faith
living from the basis of our understanding in all areas of our lives

Using our minds and consciously connecting with the God force that lives within our consciousness and harnessing this power (that is ours to harness) with our Understanding, Faith and Action through Practice is co-creation.

The symbols if listened to can help us in our practice of understanding how to communicate with the power that connects all things. And help steer us in consciously choosing/co-creating with this source. They can lead us to creating a better balance in life and when we are in balance body, mind and spirit then we are aligned to receive.

I surround you in the strength of your balanced life triangle - pointing upward toward your yet to be discovered greatness - unfolding before you to receive.

Day 93: Taking a Ride or Being Taken for a Ride? You Decide...

2010-05-19T08:42:00.000-07:00

Ever notice how colors seem more vivid on an overcast day? Or how there is a stillness and a calm in the mood of the day? I am a sunshine girl, but I do appreciate seeing, being and going with the mood of this day. It gives me a reprieve from the inner workings of my mind to sit back in awe that there is a color that exists in the world so beautiful as this rose bushes blooms and peeking in on the life of a bird mid morning, very busy and chirpy. Filling me with such appreciation for my eyes, perspective, my mind set and this life.

Gratitude is our direct link to Oneness.

Yesterday, I was simply grumpy. I woke up that way, I didn't want to be, I worked hard all day to shift it... sometimes being alone is the only answer when I feel like this. Once a month my hormones go nuts and I'm off, like there is someone else inhabiting my body. Being by myself made it easier for me to witness what was going on inside of me and gave me the space to reposition my thoughts in the moment to really choose my reactions. It was like a mental workout. I have gotten used to being in the place where things are coming more easily as I have been working on my thoughts for a long time. So, it was interesting to feel how much control I needed to have over my thoughts to stay within my goal parameters, which I have set for myself somewhere to the right of crazy and to the left of staunch. Although, the path I have set is wide I felt myself veering off several times yesterday. To the point where I was actually laughing at myself in disbelief!! Am I 3? Wait don't answer that;)

I used to believe that sometimes it is important to just go with or give in to our own moods, but as I learn more and more, I am changing my thinking. It is soooooo much easier to just fall prey to an emotion. To just ride out our emotions, is being taken for a ride usually in the wrong direction. Surfers don't ride a wave where the wave wants to take them (straight to shore), they go left and right with the horizon and then back over the top to catch the next set. If you are ridding with the whim of the wave you will not catch as many waves and exhaustion will set in quickly. Working against our emotions just seems too difficult. And there are times when the overwhelm of life coupled with raging hormones leaves us spiraling into no-mans-land. Likewise, a surfer will get pummeled in the waves (washing machine) and feel like their going to drown, but they know that this is all part of the process of getting to the Bliss of really riding a wave, rather than being taken on a ride. Very few are able to ride a wave the first time out, it takes practice and keeping their eyes on the prize, which is BLISS/Oneness with the wave.

As we get more knowledge and we wish to grow ourselves, co-create consciously with the God force/Universal energy then we must learn to harness these seemingly out of control times to do the real work! Sometimes we have to actually climb to get up the mountain. My short remarks, my impatience, my inner negative thought process if not stopped and modified would have brought me a whole lot of crap I don't want in my life anymore---been there! So, with what I know now, I had to push up my sleeves and get tough with myself and start up the mountain.

Enough is enough! When I am acting like I am 3, then I need to talk to myself like I am talking to a 3 year old, "That was not very nice, can you think of a better way to say that?" or "How about instead of snapping - you ask can you please help me." "Now, you know what that thinking will bring you, can you stop-breath and rethink that?"

Seriously, it is all reconditioning - consistent training. I used to let myself go like a pig in mud waddling around snorting and rolling in my mood... I have no excuse anymore..I know too much and NOW I want more for myself. So, something has to shift and since I am always the common denominator in the equation - it's me. I love it when someone says, "I just don't know why so and so keeps doing this to me..." I revel in the relief that I am not there anymore, that I do have control of what takes place in my world beginning with the inside of me. I really get this now on so many levels.

The main reason why more of us don't just take responsibility and work from within is because we were not taught how to come from this place. So, we have to teach ourselves. We have to go back to being 3 and parenting ourselves in a new way. It is good work, challenging, but the pay off is HUGE!

Yesterday, it dawned on me (and has been throughout the last 100+ days) that I have been way too lenient with myself - I was raising myself to be a spoiled brat! Mainly with allowing myself to go this way and that with my whims/moods/emotions. Although it is important to be spontaneous, we cannot confuse spontaneity with sheer emotional gluttony. I have been putting my foot down with myself BIG time and it is really working. I am now eager to stand up for the challenge of growing past the mood. The mood is a buffer for what needs to shift underneath. And what leis underneath that is interconnectedness at its finest.

I just started taking spinning class at my gym, today was my second class. It is very challenging, but I take it at my own pace and I push myself at the right time for me (knowing I will be back on Friday), then rest, then push. In this class I pretend that I am riding up Haleakala (Volcano on Maui) and it is straight up in some areas then zig zag in others. I visualize my journey in life like this or in changing/training myself mentally. Sometimes I have to do the climb and really push knowing that I can rest and catch my breath around the next corner to climb again. And if you have ever been to the top of Haleakala you will see how big the pay off is ...only the spiritual one is even greater!

I challenge us all to get tough with ourselves (AND I DO NOT MEAN BEATING OURSELVES UP IN ANY WAY -THIS IN NO LONGER ALLOWED IN YOUR WORLD - GOT IT?!) and pushing ourselves at our own pace to see the world around us as a reflection and to really choose to co-create with our Source, to live in our Bliss/Oneness more everyday.

I surround you in the vision of having already reached the top of your Mountain looking at the 360 degree view of your own inner expansiveness that has the ability to co-create anything.

Day 92: Awakening to My Inner Super Hero!

2010-05-18T07:14:00.000-07:00

The other day I was confronted with a person of sinister, I mean the darkest of energies. My whole body went into a shrill. There were even a few seconds when I thought he is going to pull out a gun and blow us all away. I quickly went past my first (negative thought) into my second which was what am I doing to attract this person into my world? Quickly after asking, the message came that this is an opportunity for divine love.

I followed the answer and closed my eyes and from my heart sent this man pure love from my heart to his and then imagined the entire room in golden light. It took several minutes for me to see the room filled with light as his darkness was sooooo strong. It shook me, but I was not afraid once I got past my first thought. Love instantly erases all fear and doubt!

Have you ever been around someone who you instantly feel is not just a bad person but capable of evil things filled with such hatred that all you can think of is how to get out of this persons presence?

Well, it hasn't happened to me but 3 times in my life. The first time I remember distinctly I was about 4 or 5. This time though, I could use my power - my love - and actually change the situation. It wasn't me who left, it was him. (In most every case the best thing is to leave the situation as well as sending love - this can be done from a distance;) There was too much light in there for him to follow through with whatever he had in mind, because he did come with an intention of ill will. I felt instantly that he had come for a purpose and it was not good. I believe we are encountering these kinds of opportunities daily in our lives if we choose to see them this way and react to them with right action. Hopefully not to the extreme of evil, but the person at work that drives you nuts or the boss you can't stand...

We are so powerful! We have the power to shift any situation in mid air with our thinking, intention and right action. Thinking it isn't enough sometimes, we have to also act on it. In this case my action was sending love and using visualization in combination with my thinking. Had I continued down the road with my initial reaction and negative thoughts, it could have been a very ugly situation. Because I would have been giving his intention more momentum with negative power and the energy would naturally escalate. I would have aligned myself with his energy making it more possible for him to carry out whatever he intended. This is was fear does. Our world is a prime example. But my switching to love neutralized and may have even blocked his energy making him rethink things. Sending love is one, if not THE most powerful action we can ever take.

I always wanted to be a super hero with super powers and I never let go of the belief that I am.

We all have in us a super hero dying (literally) to come out. Using his/her powers for good. I know you feel it. It is the part inside that makes us feel special - when we allow it. It is our magical nature, our spirits, our God selves that have this almighty power - when we learn how to tap into the infinite wisdom of this love it becomes our dominating force. It is always there as our natural force, but many of us use it in undermining ways rather than fully realizing this divine power potential we have in love.

I know I did for many years, not understanding how detrimental those negative patterns were in creating my destiny. Imagine for a second that the Universe/Infinite Intelligence/God/Force/Spirit/Ether is water and every thought that is impressed upon it turns into a form of ice, exactly in correspondence to the power of the thought. We would have an infinity of different shapes, sizes and colors of ice. But the ice is still the water if melted back down, it is the water in a different form. Our physical world is Spirit in form! (this is paraphrased from PRAYER by Ernest Holmes)

Using the mind to cure the physical body is dated 2000 years before Christ in Indian, Chinese and Shamanic teachings that predate Egypt! So, using the mind as our central stepping off point is nothing new. In some ancient cultures it was law not to say certain things or use certain words. They realized the innate natural power of their inner magic! Maybe the majority did not know how to use it, but many did, which is why the history of it stands before us. Truth does not die it keeps resurfacing in our lives in a myriad of ways until we awaken to it.

The unfolding of this journey takes my breath away. It is so exciting!!!

I have a wonder woman pez dispenser that magically appeared in my world several years ago. It sits on my alter with some other special things as a symbol/reminder that my inner super hero is real. That I am magical and can battle evil in the world with my power of love.

Who is your inner super hero?? Pick a super hero you have always loved to symbolize your inner super hero and place it in a significant place where you will see it everyday to remind you of who you really are and the power you have instantly accessible to you in every moment and to choose it!!!

Let's awake to our power and begin today to send love to those who rub us the wrong way and let's watch in amazement as they shift before our eyes....Magically!

I surround you in your inner super hero for the love of all.

Day 90: Expressing Our Divinity Everyday

2010-05-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

Wow can't believe that I am already over 100 days on this journey! Only 90 days along on the writing, which I am very proud of myself for! Even though I have only been on this 365 day challenge for about 100 days, I have consciously been on the journey towards opening to the divine love inside of me my whole life (and probably many life times:).

One message that keeps coming up for me is how to define divine love in a way that is understood in contrast to man's understanding of love. The two are very different. One being of the physical and other of etherical. Unfortunately, we have one word to work with here in our English language which can have many definitions depending on who you talk to. Divine love knows no boundaries and flows through for even the weakest of souls. It can not be compromised or categorized. It is beyond where Light and Darkness cease to exist, it is the core from where all else creates itself. It is at the core of you and I and the most horrible person you can imagine - connecting us all as ONE.

In the heart of everyone exists the flame of pure divinity.

Now, whether we grow it and use it is another story. I have chosen to grow it, use it, to live in it as fully as I possibly can - more and more each day. What this means to me is shedding of the physical sense of defining love, the ego's version. I have this mental picture that what this feels like: sitting while a storm is going on all around me although, I do not see or feeling anything but love, peace and the bliss of unity. Then has the storm really happened? It is the ego that says oh no there is a storm coming and takes us down the mental path of what could or might happen. It is through our divine love that we remain centered and untouched by life's storms.

Wouldn't you love to master this one?? Me too!

And we can. The best and most exciting news which has come to me in many ways: meditation, intuition, reading and through many other messages... Is that we don't have to die physically to experience illumination nor do we have to abandon who we are to grasp the concepts that lead us to more of our natural divinity! The only difference between us, the Saints and Prophets is that they realized and committed to the power of their divine love and expanded upon it.

"Divine love is always understanding, yet not necessarily always understood."

~St. Germain

As we expand our hearts to a new level of understanding we gain the ability to transcend all obstacles. In stretching our understanding and growing our love, I have found that the best way for me to get there is through developing and practicing compassion.

Having compassion and understanding for another doesn't mean I necessarily agree with them or their actions. It is rather that I have chosen in my heart to see myself or that the humanness is not the spirit in people and I have learned to instantly forgive, filling them with my divine love instead of the ego's judgment. The divine love that we give to others can heal them instantly.

If we can't learn to love our brother's and sister's we
cannot love ourselves or express God's love fully.

It is a practice. I don't always start out there, but I always end up there. It is my life's work. I am able to begin there the more I practice it. When I feel this love flowing through me to another - I know that this is what it is all about. There is no doubt in my being that this is what we have chosen to learn here together. This is the longing in our souls that we fill with all sorts of things that are temporary masks. I no longer have a longing and I felt it so powerfully for so long! I remember being very little feeling that pull to find what was missing.

The longing is an aching of our divine love trapped inside, needing desperately to be expressed through us.

We must rise up within our whole selves to meet this level of love and to really allow it to come through. Releasing the judgements, programming and suffering. Divine love is the only power that through our discipline can bind our ego and setting us free. This is true freedom -->this is the core of who we really are.

Yesterday, a twenty one year old girl, sensing my love, said to me that she is having a hard time in life trying to figure out who she is. Of course I didn't get into the the depth of what I am talking about here with all of you, who have been on the road with me, but I wanted to. Instead I told her to keep a journal and to ask herself lots of pointed questions about what she really feels is right and what she really wants and to follow what is true in her heart. This is a great place to begin. Compassion for ones self is first and this comes through understanding ourselves better - our Real Selves that is, and journaling is taking the fast track.

This is where God lives and speaks through us! We must let go of the trappings of our egos and allow our true nature to shine through.

Have you ever been in the presence of someone who has no or very little judgement in them and being in their presence calms you? Is there someone in your life who loves you unconditionally? Is there someone in your life that believes in you even when you don't believe in yourself?

To learn we must emulate just like babies do:) Try it on and feel how it is to love yourself like this person loves you or believe in yourself like this person does. Go through an entire day ridding yourself of any judgement, then 2 days, then a week and so on. Do something today that is exercising your divine love.

The more you do this the more you will expand it and release the ego's hold over you. I started doing this exact practice when I was about the age of the girl who needed me to reflect her own light back to her. It is still a constant practice. Through journaling I have watched myself change in huge ways and continue to.

Let's rise up to meet our divine selves together.

I surround you in the flame of divine love burning to be let out, to fulfill your freedom of illumination here and now.

Day 89: The Proof of Certainty

2010-05-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, the strangest thing that has happened so far in my journey - happened last night after a really short meditation. In my reading, St. Germain suggests that we direct God's golden light to clear our four lower bodies (I didn't know what the lower bodies were until 2 minutes ago when I Googled it) where the ego resides: the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. So without knowing what the 4 bodies were, I did the meditation asking for divine wisdom, clearing of ego and the guidance for it's right use.

It couldn't have been more that 4-5minutes in meditation and then I had to abruptly get up. As I was walking I felt as if I was floating, detached from my body, yet fully in control of it. I once had almost daily spells of vertigo for an entire year, this was so different. I was able to function, the feeling was very distinct and felt sooo good. It was a high for sure - a divine high, like I have never felt! I didn't want it to go, but it only lasted for about 10 minutes. WOW!

Everyday I ask for guidance to be shown, to be spoken through. Everyday that I sit down to write I have no idea what will come out! I may have an idea, like when this happened to me last night I knew I had to tell you about it, but usually messages come when I am in the Activity of writing! I allow them to come out and rarely do I need to edit - although spell check is a must! I trust that it will come out the way it is supposed to.

Have you ever heard the saying: "Sometimes all you need to do is show up." ??

Well, I really did not get the significance of such a simple concept at first yet, it has taken on different meanings for me at different times. Sometimes, it can mean to stay open or to physically be present, but today it means taking action. Yes, it can be as simple as opening up the computer and just start writing.

I believe the significance though is showing up for ourselves, our true hearts desire, putting ourselves out there through the doubt, fear or competition that may be going on inside of us. We as complex beings struggle with the voices in our heads, many times closing down what seems to be difficult.

Anything at first that is new seems difficult. Remember when you first started your job, you may have thought, "Will I ever be able to do all of this?" and now that you've been doing it a while it is like second nature - you could almost do it in your sleep and some may;)

“Love and doubt have never been on speaking terms.” ~Kahlil Gibran

In every beginning there is uncertainty, but everyday we show up against it, the uncertainty turns into certainty. The feeling I had after my meditation will one day be my constant state of being. It is strange because it is new, but it is exactly the next piece to the puzzle of my consciousness expanding. I have asked for this, it is not weird or strange it is only new.

Getting rid of any ounce of Doubt is crucial to our attainment of whatever it is that we want! I don't care how positive I can be and how confident I am, if I allow one ounce of doubt in - GAME OVER. It is that strong. It cancels out all the good energy I have placed consciously behind whatever it is that I desire. Doubt is a sneaky creeper! Your doing great, on top of the world and all of a sudden BAM out of seemingly nowhere there it is and your thoughts go awry. UGGG

The proof of certainty is that whatever we are certain about we can have.

The good news is that we are in control of this too! It sneaks up on us because of our fear base societal conditioning or what I call general or base consciousness. The real way to get it out the door is to focus on our absolute undeniable connection to everything - our God selves. This Unity is our ticket out of fear consciousness for it is the only certainty. All we have to do is use our gift of free will and choose it for God sakes! It really isn't hard, it is just being reminded all the time and through that repetition that we grow in our innate inner wisdom which is just below the surface.

Also, using control over our minds and disallowing thoughts of any doubt or counter active thought to enter. We must stand up for our greater selves not to be taken over by such lowly intruders!

The way I do it is when I feel doubt creeping, I scare it before it scares me. And I say to it, "Doubt of ANY KIND is not allowed to enter here." It works. I also from time to time, will make a list of all the things I have done thus far in my life that I feel are great accomplishments and they could be as simple as sending marketing material for my portrait painting services to companies and as big as starting my own art school.

Make what I like to call a Proof List, a list of the things you've done in your life that took a lot of guts or that you were nervous about but you did anyway. This helps me to remember that I can do whatever it is I set out to do - I already have lots of Proof.

Is there some area of interest that has been pulling on your coat tails for attention? Is there some action you can take today towards your true hearts desires?

Do it! No matter how small, you will feel great just by taking that small action. When we move the energy of our lives this way things begin to just show up magically directing more of our attention on what it is we really want - this is nature! Remember whatever we put our attention on grows.

Let's be constructive with our power and put our attention on believing we can do anything we put our focused, loving minds on.

Also, please do the meditation that I did last night and see what happens in your life.

Surrounding you in the clarity and divine wisdom you have yet to tap into - may you be guided to uncover this light within.